Autumn Leaves (and Concerts)

Incroyable. The forgotten hole in the middle of Europe known as the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg is coming to life with cultural events of the hottest quality. Muzzik. Muzzik for the barbarians, muzzik for the cultured and muzzik for the wankellectuals. A bit for everyone. The season has begun with the opening of a new concert hall for the snobellectual crowd... the Luxembourg Philarmonic (as featured on the Wallpaper September issue) and for the hippellectual we now have the Rockhal that will accompany Kulturfabrik in the attempt for a better variety of musical entertainment in the Duchy. All we need is good stand up comics to visit every now and then!

As if that weren't enough the surrounding towns also provide added entertainment. Nancy will have an October full of jazz (for more info go to www.nancyjazzpulsations.com although the site seems to be down at the moment. Strasbourg too provides a good source of occasions for entertainment (moby should be playing there soon) - Metz is investing in a huge cultural Pompidou Centre and will provide yet another base for good concerts.

All in all not much is left for complaining. I have got tickets for Patrice in Nancy on the 14th October and Pink Martini at Den Atelier in Luxembourg on the 16th. There is also an Italian Film Festival coming up in a French townlet across the border. Not so bleak an Autumn after all.

All this before you get the chance to say St. James' Cavalier....

Tales from Lilliput

The Malta Independent's version of Frank Salt has compared the visions of the two goliaths of Maltese politics here. Don't you just love this Lilliputian view of Maltese politics? I am sure this is the kind of argument that flames the fires of my friend l-Imzebbel and triggers off his inevitable response that independence is a non-event for him.

Instead of thinking in terms of the collective good we are reduced to the sorry state of band club politics where the "my Saint is more Saintly than yours reigns supreme". Instead of recognising that Independence and Republic days were two steps intended to lead to the development of a nation we squibble about which is best ... my side of the egg or yours?

Arrigo goes one further. His take on the policies of the Opposition is that they are aimless and lack the "road map indicated by the present Nationalist government" (hmm possibly funded by the Italian Protocol too). Road map might not be the best metaphor for any Maltese Government's plans... it is enough to cause chills to rush down spines and Lornas to put pen to paper to save the stranded denizens of Mgarr. Arrigo fails to notice that the emptiness he finds in the Opposition plans is just as present (or absent?) in the Nationalist party's plans.

There are no plans anywhere... only knee-jerk reactions. Maybe we should have a tinted glasses day... where we march up and down Republic street (to Independence Square) wearing red or blue tinted glasses, praising or complaining about the current state of affairs.

How do you want your eggs? Scrambled? Poached? Sunny-side up? Fried?

Fug it... let's have an omelette... that's a froga for the linguists out there.

J'Accuse 20,000 hits later

Smells Like Cheese Spirit

Werzieq - Grillo MeetUp Group

I've finally got down to doing it. I have set up a Beppe Grillo MeetUp Group for the people living in Luxembourg and Brussles (although I am marketing as Benelux for convenience sake). I will shoulder the heavy burden of 19$ a month plus administration to try and get going this group of people who can meet and discuss anything while keeping a link with the general Beppe Grillo world.

I added the link to www.beppegrillo.it quite some time ago and have long been tempted to set up the proper meetup group as I am sure there are many Italian comedy enthusiasts in the vicinity. It is also an opportunity for some positive action politics to put our money where our mouth is. So in a way it is a double benefit. I do hope that as much of you will join. I could also suggest a setting up of Werzieq II in Brussels... a twin site which could also be joined by Luxembourgers (wink to David, Gybexi, Pierre et al).

Well here is the link to the MeetUp for anyone who would like to join.

Werzieq - Grillo Club dei Maltesi nel BeNeLux

RyanBlair (Cheap'N'Cheerful Flights III)

Bang! We last spoke about the saga when the MIA unpublished report was reported in the Times. Ryanair have 'replied' with a press conference also reported in the Times. I love the part where in reply to allegations that Ryanair only carries cheap tourists Mr. Cawley states that Tony Blair has chosen Ryanair three times out of five for his holiday destinations. Now that's a Q.E.D. if ever there was one eh!

Here is more of the music:

"Mr Cawley urged Malta to follow the success of Ryanair's new route to Riga, Latvia. In seven months, the airline carried 650,000 passengers to the Baltic country and hotels practically cannot keep up with the influx. "And with all due respect, Riga is not even remotely as attractive as Malta."

But Ryanair estimates it would cost it �25 per passenger to operate to Malta - a figure made up of airport and handling charges, plus government-related security costs. MIA's discounted offer of �19 to all airlines to certain destinations was still not attractive for Ryanair, Mr Cawley said, given that most other airports it was operating to were charging just �7.50.

MIA once again came under attack, with Mr Cawley saying that a private monopoly did not have the social interests of the people at heart. He urged the airport to slash its rates to all airlines, provided they guaranteed big numbers in return."

There you have it. Straight from the horse's mouth. Valletta like Riga? Where oh where could the problem lie? Any answers? Fausto? Bocca?

Errata Corrige (Fight Club)

Second Place

A little post about errors as this blog approaches the 20,000th hit on Independence Day (the 20,000th will probably be sometime on the 22nd. Arrogant and rude remains the description and seems to be the perception too. Some might add humorous and sometimes witty. It is definitely not an authority and will never be because it is typed out by a human - a gozitan, lawyer in luxembourg who enjoys sharing provocative thoughts on the net. I decided to write this post as a caveat too.... in short if you are touchy stay out. This may sound agressive but in my mind it is a simple equation... the rules of the game on this post are clear... a reasonable discussion peppered with humour. For a quip I expect a double quip back. Stung and pained I will just retreat to lick my poroverbial wound until I find a proper retort to answer back. All this is done with the assumption that it is all a discussion on inevitably subjective opinions throughout. It counts for politics, music, art, football or whether Brussels is the best city in the world.

Now that is the rule of the game. If you do not like it... no problems, you can either sit back and watch or just choose to obliterate it from your list of readings... no hard feelings. Better safe than sorry. Above all as I see it there are no winners or losers in any argument. At most there can be a general consensus and you can form part of it. However the truth is that even in the evaluation of the general consensus there might be disagreement. You can keep on asking but you will find no answers here... just provocations. I never said I would be right... I could claim it but that does not mean that I am. Get it?

As for corrections. Barring pedantry I really do appreciate all of them and even if I do not show such appreciation outright you must really assume it. So whether it is Erezija or Fausto correcting me on my historical facts or my Raymond Chandler quotes... it is all taken in and registered approvingly. Thank you. There you go I said it. So when you find the next comment taking a swing back at you just after a correction it is just in jest and in the spirit of this blog which I hope will never change.

And errors. Yes errors... these can be made on facts. As in what Raymond Chandler really wrote or what number Miss Munaf� had in the Miss Italia competition (Grazie Flavio per la correzione). BUT no matter how much your imagination can push you to believe so, an error cannot be made on taste or allegiance. I cannot be WRONG if I say "The Smiths are a mediocre band" or "Independence day is Malta's most important holiday". I cannot be wrong just as much as I cannot be right. It is important to understand this and that throughout the discussion this is finally kept in mind. There are no winners and no losers.

"You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else."

PS. Thanks antoine for link to Munaf� and wolverine for correction on ice rink.

The Eye of the Beholder

Yesterday night, after a hotly contested quiz at the Pygmalion (in which we placed a deserved fourth [/14] 2 points away from the joint leaders) I returned home just in time to see the ending of the Miss Italia contest. Now I am not the kind who would sit through the whole contest for four days analysing every pound of flesh in order to evaluate the best of the lot in a manner that would make Shylock proud. I still keep an FHM calendar hanging in the Luxembourgish excuse for a toilet (as in separate from bathroom) as a constant reminder of my being one of the last bastions of bachelorhood in my generation. On balance I think that it could be well said that I am an appreciator of refined beauty whenever it is (freely - I am Gozitan after all) available for the eye to see.

I also relish the idea of a contest and the thrill of competition - anything from Eurovision to the World Final of Curling can become interesting if the competitive, almost cut-troath, element can in anyway be perceived. So, back to Miss Italia. There I was, lucky enough to have avoided all stages but two of the competition. The final five. Having scrutinised them as carefully and as subjectively as television pictures would permit I quickly narrowed down my selection to the obvious winner.... number 60. She was a Penelope Cruz lookalike from Sicily called Anna Munafo. Surely she would win hands down.

One agonising hour later, which had been spent with absurd fillers which could only have caused the most acute of ulcers in the stomach of the competitors, the choice had narrowed down to two. Penelope from Sicily was one of them, the other was a Miss Normality called Edelfa. She reminded me of the eighties girls we are used to on programmes like Drive In! or presenting one of the early Mediaset programmes like Bim Bum Bam. She was Piemontese, a northern girl with lovely eyes but lacking all the charm the South has to offer. There we go I said... Penelope should be handed the crown and enough with all this charade.

Instead... ten minutes later Bruce "Die Hard" Willis was placing the crown on Edelfa Masciotta's head much to my consternation. I was flabbergasted. The main reason was that televoting had a big part in this event and I would have thought that the Latinos have much the same tastes as me. Another case of the polls gone wrong?

And the crown goes to.... Piemonte

The conspiracy theorist in me (the little Labourite midget I keep hidden for these occasions) immediatey plotted a racist slant to the event. The constant repetition of the phrase "Un altra Piemontese ha vinto" could only mean that this was a sublime message of Italy's powerful "C'e l'ho duro" north to its southern counterparts. But the anger of the moment subsided and was quickly and easily controlled. It was after all only a game, and like outlooks to life it tends to be very subjective at the end of the day.

The beholder indeed. Maybe eighties girls are back in fashion and the latina is being elbowed out of the scene. I wonder if we could speak of a majority when it comes to taste rather than opinion. Edelfa is queen while Anna lines up the lines of has beens. Till another year that is... when the absurd rules of a beauty contest are once again put into play for another trend to be set.

Meanwhile, as far as beauy goes how's this for a good description of beauty: Speaking of the iconic ST Dupont lighters, Raymond Chandler once said that they "could make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window." It may be his opinion but I sure love the way he described it.

The Dupont Lighter... an Adult's Zippo

* Small final note. When asked their footballing allegiance, the two finalists Anna and Edelfa, both professed their faith in La Grande Signora. Sometimes there's only one objective truth... beauty can only beauty appreciate!

Mots Crois�es #2

Noughties Democracy

When Chirac faced the referendum for the approval of the constitution of Europe he was quite sure that it would be a clear Oui by the French population. Until voting day was just round the corner, the positive result in the referendum was the smallest of Monsieur Chirac soucis. The French would show Europe the way.
But they didn't.

When Mr. Bush was up for his second scrutiny and a confirmation of a second term at the White House many pundits expected a resounding return of the Democrats. Again, until voting day was just round the corner, the shooing of Dubya from the White House was meant to be as easy as cooking a French Fry. The Americans would go out there and kick the warmonger out of office. But they didn't

Yesterday, the corridors of power in Berlin were meant to get a great big shake up. Angie Merkel was meant to become the first female Chancellor of the Bundesrepublik. Opinion polls, those makers or breakers of governments of the nineties, had given her a twenty point lead over Shrouded Schroeder. The Germans were meant to kick the social-democrats into kingdom come and reinstate the Christian-Democrat crowd in the steering position. But they didn't.

Three colossal electoral machines. Three wrong calls. Time for a strike out? Are we, as Schroeder put it last night, rejecting the manipulative media? Had the media which had been presenting us with a supposed victor throughout the late seventies, the eighties and the nineties finally been spurned by the voter? Gerhard seems to believe that he had never lost this election. That he had not Houdinied himself out of a disaster. He believes that the media had begun to ring his death bell long before he had even caught a cold.

Not too far a call. Noughties man can no longer identify with a political party. To speak of allegiance is definitely pass�. Noughties man is more down to earth and, though not always on the mark, knows exactly what he or she wants. Noughties man has shed the media as the ultimate guiding light for who to vote for. Has he really set aside the curtains of false propaganda? Has noughties man begun to dig the grave of the media that for so long has assumed him to be Na�ve Man ready to be manipulated by the marketing pundits of this world?

I am not sure and we will need to see this in more detail. In the meantime many questions arise:

1) Media and its use. If trust and faith in the media really withers out then all the battles for control (vide Berlusconi in Italy, vide Super 1 and Net in Malta, vide the giant corps in USA) will count for nought. A new, more pragmatic and realistic media must emerge that will survive this current mistrust.

2) The Emergence of New Media. Technological innovations, in particular the World Wide Web will continue their uncontrolled adaptation to this phenomenon. The blog, the interactive newspaper, the wiki and other such tools will adapt to the functional, practical and no-nonsense needs of the Noughties man (in political terms & this does not mean that other uses of the WWW will stop).

3) Political Parties & their Messages. The new political party will have to take note of this change. In a way the manipulation of Noughties man will not seem possible. The easy availability of information does not allow political parties to channel their own one-sided truths down the throat of the gullible voter. Noughties politics implies diversification, adaptability and interactivity. The distance between party and voter must be bridged and fast.

There is much more where this came from. It may be just a gut reaction. Comments are welcome.

Came across this article called Erroneous Forecasts (Reuters) after finishing this post.

Sibtijiet Flimkien (it-tielet ep.)

Lura minn mawra sac-centru kummercjali gewwa Foetz fil-limiti tal-belt Lussemburgiza flimkien ma siehbi Owen, insellmilkom ghal din l-edizzjoni ta' Sibtijiet flimkien. Waqt li konna niddawru bejn tinda fejn kollox kien jinbiegh ghal Ewro u c-centru Cora fejn issib kollox biex tittanta iz-zaqq u tbikki l-karus, innutajna kemm Lussemburgu ghadu pajjiz mitfugh fit-tmeninijiet. Din il-kostatazzjoni ma hix facilment spjegabbli... huwa kaz car ta'"You've got to be there" pero indikazzjoni cara taghha huma il-kapiljaturi stile A-Ha ta bosta zaghzagh f'dawn l-akkwati kif ukoll il-Bowling Alley li ghadddejna minnu u li ma seax ma jfakkarniex fil-Bowling Alley meta fetah (bl-iskating rink fuqu).

Insomma programm divertenti iehor u illum it-tema bdiet bix-xiri u allura inkomplu hemm. Hafna qabel il-Price Club u l-iSmart verzjoni Superstore konna nitpaxxew bil-grocer. Grocer malti of course bis-sinjifikati kollha tieghu. Forsi tiftakru iz-zmien meta, filwaqt li kontu iggrampati mad-dublett tal-mummy tinsistu ghal xi cikkulata, l-istess mummy kienet tispara lista ta' prodotti essenzjali lejn persuna li ma stajniex naraw in-naha l-ohra tal-counter u bil-mod il-mod il-qoffa tax-xiri (li ma kenitx kwistjoni ta' moda jew ta' funky environmentalism izda ta' nuqqas ta plastic bags) kienet tintela. Fil-kaz tieghi din il-persuna kienet Helen tal-Bonello store li kien jinsab Paceville ftit l-isfel mis-Sundown Pub faccata ta' fejn issa hemm Bloomers.

L-ura lejn id-dar konna nispakkjaw il-fliexken tal-halib tal-MMU (fejn jekk konna xortina tajba wiehed minnhom kellu tapp bl-ismontra roza u jkun fih milkshake tal-frawli lest). Probabbli kien ikun hemm hobza tal-malti vera, xi pakket krustini ghal mal Kafe' u pakketti tal-pasta le Rose. L-Anchor butter, il-bovril, il-jelly tal-Foster Clarks u imbaghad il-gabra ta' bottijiet jikkumplementaw l-ikla. Ma rridx naghti x'nifhem li konna ghaddejjin xi zmien fejn konna bil-guh izda l-ghazla kienet dik li kienet. Il-prodotti li sopravvivew il-bagitts tac-cinturin biex niftiehmu.

Iktar tard kbirna ftit u l-mummy kienet tibaghtni ghand il-London Store - xi erba bibien l-boghod mill-Misfits - fejn minhabba xoghol xi gharef fil-gvern non-vjolenti Laburista il-mahbub Mario Briffa - ghalliem eccellenti tal-Ingliz Alla jahfirlu - kien imexxi l-istore u jippuncja l-kont minn wara l-counter filwaqt li jitlob li xi rih benevoli jehlisna minn dan iz-zmien ikrah u jkun jista jerga jiddedika ruhu ghat-taghlim. Pero dejjem kellu tbissima Mario li anki f'dan iz-zmien kien jixbah lil Bettino Craxi. Dejjem xi kelma ta' inkoraggament. M'hemmx ghalfejn tmur Franza biex issib lil Monsieur Ibrahim!

Insomma semmejna prodotti u semmejna persunaggi. U sports? Il-Hamrun habib, il-Hamrun. L-iSpartans li illum jissieltu ma timijiet ohra medjokri bhall-Furjana u l-Belt sabiex ma jaqghux ghall-injominita' tat-tieni divizjoni. Dak iz-zmien kienu huma. L-ahwa Vella and Co li kienu saru qishom il-Juve tal-post.

Se jkolli inhallikom hesrem. Ergajt ghal Franza illejla. Ghandi festin ghan habiba tat-tfajla go Metz. Din ghada kif ghamlet operazzjoni biex tkabbar sidirha (il-habiba mhux it-tfajla). Ghadni qed nhewden ghandix nghidilha prosit jew le. Immagina "Bon Anniversaire... et complements pour tes seins... ils sont formidables!!" Naqa' funny hux... ara jahasra kieku ghadu maghna il-Kraxi zgur kien isibli kif nohrog minnha.

Ghal darb'ohra.

Souvenirs (in black and white bhat-televixin)

Prodott tal-Gimgha: Halib tal-MMU - onestament - kemm il-wiehed intrema' wara gurnata sajfija? Imma xi pjacir tilghab flying saucer bl-ismontra. Kien is-sehta ghal kull tifel li jkolli jimxi hafna bi tlett ifliexken meta imur jixtri. U ghada bla halib... ghax strakjaw... nahseb.

Persunagg tal-Gimgha: Mario Briffa. Ghalliem u Grocer u Filosfu. ghalijja jissimbolizza il-hela ta zmien vjolenti. Ghalxejn nichdu li ma kenux u nghidu li l-marmalja ta Lowell huma aghar. Ghax bhal dak li qallek il-hela ta bniedem bhal dak jaghti il-bqija tal-hobz u bacon tad-Dewfresh mhix vjolenza inimmaginabbli. U jekk jersaq lejn xi skola isir blu di pelle minbarra blu di colore.

Hanut tal-Gimgha: London Store & Bonello Store: It-tnejn go Paceville. Bonello sar hanut tal-Urban Jungle dan l-ahhar. London ghadu speci ta' store izda m'ghandux x'jaqsam mal-ispirtu tat-tmeninijiet. Illum minn dawn il-hwienet Anni Ottanta go pacevilel baqa l-Queens go Ball Street hdejn il-Briganta u l-Ghall-Kafe. Gewwa it-triq li tul it-tmeninijiet kien xieraq tissejjah Little Tripoli.

Team tal-Gimgha: Hamrun Spartans. Ma tantx kont nifhem fil-futbol lokali. Ma kelli xmin jehodni il-ground u missieri kien jehodna biss naraw lit-Tarxien Rainbows ghax Frankie l-Ghawdxi kien jilghab maghhom. Il-ftit li niftakr kien il-Hamrun ikaxkru.

Sahhiet.

Mots Crois�es #1

For PDF version click here

Cheap'N'Cheerful Flights (the Saga Continues)

I last spoke of the MIA v. Ryanair issues in my answer to I.M.Beck (that's bocca when he is catching up with Lorna's writing) at the end of August. This article by the journalist among the Galea Debono sisters has opened another chapter in the insignificant sage of cheap and cheerful travel. It would seem that MIA has circulated a report among stakeholders and that a copy of this report has been seen by the times. It would seem that MIA is challenging the allegations that its airport fees are not among the obstacles faced by low-cost carriers. Here is a snippet from the Times' article:

"In the report, which has so far not been published, the company says that its aircraft landing charges are among the least costly in Europe and cheaper than many other airports, used by leading low-cost carriers, in Spain, Amsterdam and Slovenia, for example. The report was drawn up in view of the controversy regarding the relationship between low-cost carriers that may consider Malta a potential destination and MIA. It seems the aim behind the report is for MIA to dispel misconceptions on its competitiveness and any erroneous understanding that it is, in any way, impeding low-cost carriers from including Malta on their list of destinations. ."

Now I do not know about you, but I am eagerly awaiting the publication of the report. I would love to know what exactly is meant by vague phrases such as "among the least costly" and "cheaper than many other airports". Even more , I would like to know how MIA will justify its recent action pinpointing those wonderful destinations of Girona, Barcelona and Geneva as destinations from where we would all like to receive more tourists (we have enough tourists from the North African coast I guess). I already asked the question and will ask it again... Why is MIA taking on MTA's responsibilities? Can it? Should it?

"The report was drawn up in view of the controversy regarding the relationship between low-cost carriers that may consider Malta a potential destination and MIA. It seems the aim behind the report is for MIA to dispel misconceptions on its competitiveness and any erroneous understanding that it is, in any way, impeding low-cost carriers from including Malta on their list of destinations."

... and the best way to dispel misconceptions is to show it to stakeholders and to the Times. I've said this in the August post and will say it again too (yes it is repeat my phrases day).... they do not care about the taxpayer... they care about the stakeholders.

"The problem is that the consumer still confuses issues, such as the origins of other taxes, including the Lm20 government tax on each ticket, the report argues. Furthermore, the adherence to EU regulations now compels the abolishment of any monopoly in favour of healthy competition, meaning, for example, that Air Malta and Servisair Globeground operate alongside each other as ground handlers on a level playing field."

This report argues very much like Beck argued on that hot August Saturdayduring the Great August Blog Snooze. For an answer to this issue of confusion go back to my August post. The point is not the confusion....

The simple, uncomplicated, unhidden issue is this - and I will not couch it in any metaphors or allusions or stats:

AIRPORT CHARGE + GOVERNMENT TAX + MONOPOLIST PRICE =

MIA CHARGE + GOVT TAX + AIRMALTA PRICE =

a) the base ticket price is doubled by charges and tax combined

b) the basic message is STAY HOME

I'm off to book an Airmalta ticket for a visit home in November. The other option for flying to Malta is Luxair and they are even worse than our very own so stop whinging! Hehe!

Lorna vs ANR (round II)

"Stop me... I'm Exultant" was the Nth in a number of posts dedicated to the language and works of Dame Vassallo. Quite coincidentally, while I was researching one of the subjects of Lorna's article today I discovered (with, I must confess, a measured amount of elation) that the valiant defenders of the Republic are not to be ignored when it comes down to the matter of flawed language usage. Indeed, unlike columnists who shy away from showing the web link to the pages of this crowd of self-proclaimed purists I will gladly point you to the locus delicti where at least a dozen crimes against the English language are being committed daily. This might be Di-Ve.com's hour of glory as the attention of error-sighting enthusiasts is diverted to yet another site.

Anyways� do pop over to http://www.anrmalta.info/ where you will freely get a cocktail of ridiculous propaganda peppered with the most atrocious of errors since the Times editor issued the Nulla Osta for Lorna Vassallo's weekly space. Here are a few indicting samples:

"Alleanza Nazzjonali Repubblikana announces its first public manifestation: A public demonstration against illegal immigration through a press release which you can find ****. "

Who will point out to these valiant crusaders that the above sentence implies that their demonstration will be made by press release? I will. Yes sirs. "a demonstration against illegal immigration through a press release means just that". Of course we all know that these brave white men really meant that they are announcing their first public demonstration by way of a press release � but we cannot keep trying to second guess what the hell they are trying to say can we?

"A.N.R. is not a single issue movement and would in normal circumstances have liked to avoid a subject matter which is bound to raise controversy as its first manifestation. The present situation however is far from normal and unless serious immediate remedial action is not forthcoming illegal immigration is bound to get out of control and overwhelm us. A.N.R. is against illegal action wherever it originates from as it has made abundantly clear on every occasion and expects to see affirmative action taken against economic illegal migrants irrelevant of race or religion."

They are now economic illegal migrants. What exactly is that? How economic do you have to be in order to be unwanted?

"A.N.R shall be releasing more information in a forthcoming press conference. The Police have been informed of its intentions and as is law we will apply for a permit in the stipulated time frame. Furthermore A.N.R. will insist that the police will take immediate action to any individuals who intends to use this manifestation to promote his racist views."

Suddenly the schizophrenic nature of ANR comes out. It speaks of itself as though it were another entity - "have been informed of its intentions". "As is law" is a classic and must be somewhere up there among "utterly badly" and "delineating our boundaries". Besides� what kind of immediate action will be taken "to individuals who intends..:"? A pregnant phrase if any. Pregnant with daggers taking a stab at the English language once and for all. To me it reads like the police will be taking a couple of action movies to some individuals who are one (since they intends). I'm not too sure but reading between the lines it might be a swipe at Norma Lowell. Duh.

"Members of the public who would like to give a helping hand are encouraged to write to us at info@anrmalta.info "

You are guaranteed to receive an email in perfect gibberish.

"A Difficult Speech : Mr. Ranier Fsadni endulges in flawed historical revisionism to dilute the significance of our 8th Of September National Feast. He accuses the A.N.R of being pompous in its statements and of engaging in "bad myth making"."

Ranier. Did you have to go so far? Stop endulging (it's indulging actually)! Pompous? The ANR? They cannot get their language right how the hell can they be pompous?

"The Lionhearts of Malta : Just a few days after going public, Mrs. Daphne Caruana Galizia has concluded that we at A.N.R. should all go get a life."

When was that then 1992? 1993? I do not really remember when DCG first went public. Oh all right� I know you all get it� you know what they meant� problem is�. Do these gits get it too?

Stop me... I'm Exultant

Dame Lorna's meanderings have led her to a lamabasting of the RRR. She has joined the ranks of the many columnists busy condemning the monster that is rearing its ugly head. Well done Lorna. She could not resist linking this phenomenon to her recurrent theme: "The Decline and Fall of the Nationalist Party". The party is in tatters and has many splinter groups according to the Queen of new age literature. LV begins by telling us that:

"prior to EU accession I myself had repeatedly, albeit hypothetically, raised such a possibility".

She herself has no bounds. You either raise a point or you don't. Anyway that hypothetically does not fit in anyway. She is talking about the possibility of Europe being invaded by Africa. Of course you were speaking hypothetically your Fluency. Hypothetically as in mentioning the possibility that once we joined the EU we would be invaded by Africans. On the other hand you cannot have the hypothetically in that sentence. You either "raise the possibility" or you do not. You cannot do so hypothetically. Because that means that you do not do that. Really. No. Really really. Jeez It's mind bending.

"They are African citizens."

Now now. Not the best of phrases in an article that is meant to be an attack on the nationalist elements of Maltese society. Her phrase implies a brown passport with jungle trees and a photo of natives on the front. The African passport I guess.

There are worrying bits in the middle of the article. Of logic I mean. Not the language. The sorry state of Maltese politics as far as ANR, Lowell, Figolla and others are concerned cannot afford to be compounded further by the addition of another carnival float in the shape of Dame Lorna the mind-boggling. This paragraph is enough to confuse the most avid of followers of Maltese politics:

"It was the Opposition Leader's turn now to voice his opinion. Feeling comfortable enough that others are fighting the opposition's battle, the former anti-EU socialist economist declared: "We are here, first and foremost, to defend the interests of our country". At no time has a Labour leader been so confident he will be applauded by supporters of the other party."

It is definitely a criticism to Alfred Sant. That much I gather. So Lorna who declared allegiance to the leader while apologising to KMB for her failing him in any way is now telling AS that he has abandoned the Opposition's cause and is gathering votes among the far right loonies with his ridiculous statements. Bravo Lorna. If I read this right I agree with you.

"is doing utterly badly financially"

Utterly badly indeed. Indeed. Tut tut!

"Definitely nobody is exulted about the ever-increasing influx of immigrants".

Exultant maybe. Exultant. Endings dear, endings. Which leads us to the historical coup de grace...

"The Maltese government should put the best available brains together [a sort of forget-me-not note] to solve the issue. It is time Malta flourished in its diplomatic relations [Dar Malta II maybe?]. And this is but a necessity. The Maltese contribution to European politics was very often underestimated. We tend to take upon our shoulders European "battles", notwithstanding our size, and solve them to everybody's amazement . It's time to start thinking again. Grand Master La Valette fought the Great Siege for Europe [for the Kings and Queens of Europe who were busy oppressing the lower social classes who inspire MLP's agenda] 10 generations back and World War II was fought for Nelson [ok. tell me there is a typo here! What war was fought for Nelson anyway? or is this Nelson a personification of Brittania??] one generation back; it seems it's time we fight another battle for (or with?[with??? are you nuts woman???]) Europe. Thus [could've been hence, therefore or even ergo], we badly need another Arvid Pardo or another Dom Mintoff [oh ever so badly needed]in order to delineate our boundaries[as dogs against a tree I guess]."

So there you have it. The ingratitude of Ewripp after we fought off the bloody Turks (Eurasian Citizens) and the Krauts (with Nelson) will be repaid by our marking of our boundaries (drink two litres of water before the performance). In the meantime hidden laboratories will create a superior lower social class ubermensch with cells taken from Arvid Pardo and Dom Mintoff. Alfred Sant will be listed separately on the electoral ballot as the Politician Formerly Known as the Anti Eu Socialist Economist (PFKATAESE for short). But then all this could be hypothetical!

I'm off to mark my boundaries. I have an utterly bad craving to do so....

Horatio surveys the skies for any Messerschmits on the loose!

Do not forget to pop over to the Akkuza Shop and examine our wonderful merchandising - including the J'Accuse Cheesy Mousepad

The Truth according to Balzan

A lie can run round the world before the truth has got its boots on.(Terry Pratchett, The Truth)

Matthew Vella is here on holiday. (Yeah). Between bouts of wankellectualism and attempts at snide coolness (and a labourite je ne sais quoi) the man with Sant's eyes and his banana brother provide a good source of company that is easily pushed into passing judgemental statements of the kind "You are such a nationalist". Notwithstanding the constant effort to outcool all around him by his apparent nonchalant approach to life and I-really-do-not care attitude Matthew "Santino" Vella is fun.

Matthew is a journalist and he works with that Guru of conspiracy theories in a team that we can call Balzan's Heroes for the sake of argument. Armed with a pen and a queer taste for the non-controversial controversies and attempting to uncover the uncoverable, Balzan's Heroes propagate the myth that feeds one half of the Maltese population � conspiracy theories and the allegation of ulterior motives for any person's public actions.

At the head of this brave unit of discoverers of the truth is Saviour "barkwithnobite" Balzan. Now, before you go clicking on REPLIQUE and covering me in filth, let me say that I like MaltaToday and what it is trying to do. Just like I like Alternattiva and what it is trying to do. I also like the 60's VW Campers. But I would never own one. Both Maltatoday and Alternattiva are attempts of the BR in Maltese politics to point one big Up Yours at the social and political status quo. They are a reaction to the Faustos of this world who think that a little evil is better than a worse evil and there is nothing you can do about it so curl up in your sofa read your Spectator and at some point remind people that you are Christian after all (and oh, I almost forgot� vote PN).

The good intentions of both Maltatoday and Alternattiva are evident to people like myself. However as the old adage goes� the road to hell is paved with good intentions. The tortuous road to street cred in Malta is piled with devilish obstacles. The insinuations and rumours spread by the big two and their media is only the tip of the iceberg. In order to break through the public mindset of dualism the young paper and party (who cohabit so funnily incidentally) must invest in stocks and shares of TRUST. The big T world. The Maltese public's political sway is so heavily dependent on Trust with that big T. Once you gain the people's trust you can say any amount of bullshit and they will believe you. You can promise that you will not raise taxes and then raise them, you can promise not to remove stipends and remove them, you can promise to remove a VAT and then remove it and then introduce the same tax with a different name� does it end?

In the case of the young paper and party, the gaining of trust costs at least triple. They start at a great disadvantage since they are non-conventional. Maltatoday has a bit of a headstart since it sells a product that is loved by many in today's voyeurist world. It also makes people feel happy and justified because it rants many socialist rants against those who earn too much (vide MEPs) � and in a discontent society those who seem to be better off are the first to go. Revolutionary is it not?

Now Balzan. The editorial of the internet version of this week's Maltatoday talks about criticism and when it is personal. Before I go on I must declare my personal link to part of the subject. Nathaniel Attard of Net TV fame (or notoriety) is my cousin. A very good cousin at that. I love his company and find him very congenial and I admire his achievements. We obviously do not see eye to eye in politics. I never liked the fact that Nathaniel was a newsreader on NET. Just as as I would ask Veronique Dalli how the hell she could stomach such biased news on Super 1 I would put the same question to Nathaniel. But that is his choice and I respect it (while still disagreeing).

Back to Balzan. His editorial first spoke about referring to people in opinions or leaders. He claims custom changed and now he joins the rest who drop names without restraint. Balzan then begins a little serenade about the new state TV head. He mentions both Vanessa McDonald and Nathaniel Attard as possible names. Now what irritates me is that Mr. The Truth is Golden and Mr. Personal Criticism is basing his Editorial on two rumours. Regarding Mrs McDonald he explicitly states that unconfirmed rumours are the source of his info. Regarding Nathaniel it is the Labour press that provide his source.

Why am I irked? Well. To begin with being a good old fashioned lover of proper journalism I believe that an Editorial is a sacred cow in the newspaper world. It is at once a summary of the main stories to be found within the paper as well as an expression of the Opinion of the institution that is the newspaper behind the editorial. That is why after reading the piece I was interested in finding out whether there is any truth in the possibility that Nathaniel could be head of news. I did not expect an editorial simply to repeat a rumour and leave it at that � especially in a paper that seems to take pride in its manner of investigative journalism.

Personal interest or not I would have like to know more. Instead the paper is completely devoid of any articles on the matter. Balzan's editorial turns out to be an agony aunt kind of rant that has nothing to do with what an editorial is all about. Rumour spinning and rumour-mongering is the domain of tabloids and the petty magazines purchased for the beach.

Is that what Malta Today is all about? Ironically I think that that is the only truth that we will be unearthing this time round!

* So�before anyone says it. Read the article again. Imagine Nathaniel was not my cousin but a hypothetical Franklin Mamo (who happens to be someone I know). Would it change anything about the worry of an editorial based on rumours? No. My guess is I would still get a comment stating that I have a personal interest in the matter� baffles me�. But hey� that's Malta!

Bananas

one banana
two banana
three banana
four
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.
.
.
.
its the splits innit?

Cheesy Mousepad

Alors. Seeing that other people are into business, J'Accuse has decided to start off too. I will definitely not be bursting into the giddy heights of the Bill Gates of this world but this should be a sweet experiment. Here is what it is all about. You can now buy ... yes I said buy.... a souvenir J'Accuse mousepad. It is the first in a long line of products designed to please.

Where from? Here actually. The shop is still being designed but I plan to add a number of humorous products for your amusement and hopefully for the disbursement of minor sums from your wallet. Obviously I do not intend to make any money out of this venture and products have only been marked up by $2 in the hope that any revenue covers akkuza expenses in the future. (yeah right).

First product: The Mouse Pad... complete with Lorna Quote.

The Million Dollar Homepage

I first heard about this from Arcibald. I've been to Alex's page and I must admit that it's a case of hats off for the great but simple idea. Only a few weeks ago while staring at a paperclip I was mulling over the possibility of coming up with that simple idea that could earn loads of money fast in order to lead a more comfortable life. Alex has come up with a great idea and from what I read in his blog it seems to be paying off... literally.

One small thing. The name of the page has a little TM at the top. A little visit to the site of the UK Patent Office shows that it is not registered yet. A little slip that might cost money if not amended fast!

"Making a million dollars is the simplest thing in the world. Just find a product that sells for $2000 and that you can buy at a cost of $1000, and sell a thousand of them." - Jerry Gillies

Bassa

bassa - scorreggio - fart - prout (ou pet)

Source

Non Sequitur #23

The Lion Roared Tonight
Valletta FC defeated Marsaxlokk FC 3-2 tonight. Branko Nisevic scored once and Ian ZAMMIT scored twice. Rivals Floriana had succumbed to the might of Msida St. Joseph in yesterday's six-goal yawn. In other matches Pieta Hotspur's keeper Andrew Hogg scored a last minute equaliser for the team that also produced Bulgarian wonder Valerij Bojinov who was on the scoresheet for Fiorentina in their two-two draw with Messina. Juventus won 4-0 away from home against Empoli with goals from Trezeguet (2), Vieira and Camoranesi.

This is what is called a good sporting Sunday.

Sibtijiet Flimkien (it-tieni ep.)

Bongu Malta. Nilqakom ghal dan it-tieni programm fis-sensiela Sibtijiet Flimkien. Dan il-programm illum huwa gentilment migjub lilkom minn Rancheros - snack helu ghal kull okkazjoni bit-toghma tal-bacon. Maghna fil-programm llum ghandna lil Fader Hilary Tagliaferro illi illum jahdem bla waqfien fil-Kappella Millenarja izda li ghal hafna zmien kien lehen il-ballun fuq l-istazzjonijiet televizivi taghna.

Niskuzaw ruhna ghall-inkonvenjent li l-programm qed jixxandar il-Hadd u mhux is-Sibt izda bhal ma tafu il-baqra milli jkollha taghtik (izda kollha kemm hi tinbiegh ....u bi prezz tajjeb). Iktar tard suppost illi ikollna kollegament mal-belt Amerikana ta' New Orleans sabiex insegwu dak illi qed jigri lil familja emigrati Maltin illi salvaw mill-gharqa - s'issa jidher li ghad m'ghandniex linja tat-telefon izda nassiguraw lit-telespettaturi li qed naghmlu li nistghu sabiex nirrettifikaw is-sitwazzjoni. Graziella qed tghidli li probabblli ukoll li iktar tard ikollna l-Ministru tad-Dawl, Ilma u Gas (u telefonija) sabiex jipprezentalna l-essej li kitbet bintu ghall-Milied.

Nirringrazzjaw ukoll lill-qarrejja tal-kummenti helwin illi baghtulna. Infakkrukom li ir-rokna souvenirs ma hix ta' darba biss u se tkun hemm kull gimgha bi prodott divertenti u tifkiriet ohra.

Ir-Rancheros kienu wiehed mill-ftit prodotti de luxe illi kellna access ghalihom fi zmienijiet ohra. Bhall-loacker, l-iskittles u l-opal fruits kienu it-"top end" tal-ghazla illi minn naha l-ohra kienet toffri cikkultat tad-Desserta, il-varjeta' sbalordanti tar-Rimus u l-Catch. Prodott tad-ditta ubikwituza KP illi ghal tant snin ipprovdiet l-unika forma ta' karawett rikk ghall-patruni tal-pubbijiet Maltin bejn Hopleaf u Blue Label. Ghal min ma jafx, il-prodotti KP huma maghmulin gewwa Staines fir-Renju Unit - il-villagg adottat ta' Ali G.

Niftakar sew lill-ommi tohrogni niehu Kinnie u pakkett Rancheros Marsalforn. Konna immorru go bar li kien jinstab bejn fejn issa hemm il-Kartell u l-Otters. Kien ezatt qabel il-passagg zghir (Slippery When Wet) li jaghti ghall-banju tal-Isqof li kien ikun mimli fkieren ghall-qatla wara nofsinhar. Go dan il-bar li ma kellux isem fuq l-imwejjed u sigijjiet taz-zingu kont nixrob il-Kinnie bilmod (ghax sa wiehed kont tixtri) minn go flixkun bil-label multicolour. Imbaghad kont niekol ir-Rancheros illi ma kellhom gost daqs prodotti ohra li kienu jikkompetu bejniethom billi iqieghdu gol pakkett xi gugarell inutli bhal per ezempju Speedy Gonzalez tal-plastic (Dangerous if Swallowed). Forsi wara kont nixtri gelat tal-Wembley (iktar dwar dawn fi programm iehor).

Tmiem il-gimgha fi zmien il-ghaks pero kien ikun sabih. Ma kellniex Bay Streets fejn immorru jew xi Eden Century fejn nisolhu l-but ghas-silg bil-pepsi. Ma konniex ninghalqu naraw cucatta wara l-ohra forsi inkunu ahna li nirbhu xi vjagg sentimentali sabiex niltaqghu ma xi qraba imbieghda tal-passat. Le. Is-sibtijiet kienu ikunu granet ta' xiri mizurat u kkalkula li minkejja nuqqas ta' l-ghazla kien ikun fihom ukoll is-sabih taghhom. Fejn qatt tisma illum b'min imur il-pitkalija jixtri il-patata u t-tadam bir-ratal sabiex jiffranka? U l-Hdud? Hallik minn Bongu Malta. Xemx u xita. Quddies. Ikla ta' nofsinhar. Dritt fil-karozza u tlaqna ghal ta' Qali jew Pembroke u nsegwu sport jew iehor. Fis-saghtejn u nofs skiet perfett fil-karozza. Il-pa ikun qaliblu fuq Tutto il Calcio u l-ma l-ewwel taghti xeba lill-Crossword tat-Tajms imbaghad erhila taqra xi sitt ktieb gol-karozza. U ahna? Ahna konna inkun ilna li intfajna fit-tajn jew trab jew haxix fqir ta' Ta Qali u erhilna nimitaw lil Platini, Antognoni u Pablito. Zmien fejn loghba futbol iddum ta' l-inqas tlett sieghat. Sa' x'hin il-pa ikun ikkalkula b'destrezza matematika u fizika xierqa ta' premju nobel il-hin necessarju sabiex naslu d-dar ninhaslu u noqoghdu bilqieghda naraw novantesimo.

Ghall-llum daqshekk paroli... inhallikom mas-Souvenirs... tantx tiddamdmu ... u bilhaqq tiskrux bil-fanta...

SOUVENIRS

Personalita' tal-Gimgha: Fr Hilary Tagliaferro. Habrieki u gentili. Investa hafna fil-Youth Soccer. Milli nista nifhem dan insejhulu sunk costs. Nirringrazzjah talli introducieni ghas-Subbuteo u ghall-Mini Golf.

Team tal-Gimgha: Sharks Waterpolo Club. Tim issa defunt li fil-bidu tas-snin tmenin kien ir-rivali principali tal-Otters fid-dinja sportiva Ghawdxija. Moghni bi plejers kbar bhal Ganni l-Ghoxx kien ikun id-delizzju tas-sezzjoni ghawdxija li tghum fuq il-blokki (qabel il-promenade - grazzi ministru - jew kif jghid is-Sur Melh - thankyouverymuch). Ix-Sharks kienu jilghabu loghba wahda kontra l-Otters fis-sajf u kien iukun il-Classique de Marsalforn. Fil-passat Marsalforn kellu timijiet ohra tal-ballun tal-bahar - il-Hippies, id-Dolphins u s-Sea Urchins. Ismijiet iktar interessanti minn dawk Maltin zgur. Jinghad li kien jilghab ukoll Pawlu Carbonaro l-artist. Forsi s-Sur Meilak jithajjar jaghmel ftit ricerka fost is-sorsi tieghu?

Prodott tal-Gimgha: Rancheros. Qishom Bacos imma ahjar ghax iktar fini. U ma kienx ikun fihom il-mishut Rusk li nitfghu f'kollox (vide Mrs Beefy's Burgers).

Programm tal-Gimgha: Big League Soccer. B'introduzzjoni ta' Fr Hilary u bil-vuci ferrieha ta' Brian Moore konna insegwu dak li gara gimgha qabel go Londra Newcastle u West Bromwich. Qatt ma kont fan kbir u qatt ma lahqu mal-gost immedjat ta' novantesimo u l-album tal-panini. Insomma, ha tqabbel lit-taljani ma' l-inglizi? Ara tibda.

Gazzetta tal-Gimgha: The Democrat. Fi zmien meta n-nazzjonalisti kienu nies kellhom anki gazzetta tajba bl-ingliz. Imbaghad qatghu qalbhom u hadu t-Times. Tiftakru l-ewwel pagna tad-Democrat? Ritratt full page? Tal-ostra mann.

Hanut tal-Gimgha: Magic Kiosk. Magic ma tantx izda prodott veraci lejberista. Kif tittrasforma Kiosk zghir go restorant daqs pjazza. Kemm kienet sabiha dik il-pjazzetta qabel ma saret oxxenita ta' lenemilju. Kont inzura spiss meta missieri kien ghadu akkolit tad-ditta Saccone & Speed (imkeccija minn Malta taht il-pogrom ta' Mintoff). Hands up min mar tal-inqas darba fuq il-helicopter ride li kien hemm biswit il-Kiosk. U xi nghidu ghas-Seven Up Float tal-genn li kellhom?

Se jkolli nieqaf hawn ghax sar il-hin tal-lunch. Infakkarkom li kull memorja u tifkira ghandha tintbat lilna direttament billi tikklikkjaw fuq replique. Ir-ritratt t'hawn fuq huwa ta'Brian Moore. Prezentatur ta' Big League Soccer Alla jaghtih il-mistrieh.

Intermixin

Navzaw lill-egregi qarrejja ta' dana il-blog li minhabba imprevist mhux ikkalkulat (ghax appuntu imprevist) il-programm li kellu jixxandar illum (Sibtijiet Flimkien) ser jixxandar ghada fl-istess hin. Sadattant ser jittella programm divertenti u diverziv dwar "L-Emigrati Maltin u l-Esportazzjoni tal-Qubbajd fis-Snin Hamsin" gentilment offrut lilkom minn Gaba Ottu Diamonds u s-sigaretti Du Maurier Blu.

Niskuzaw ruhna ma' l-eghziez qarrejja taghna. U Narawkom ghada (cue: L-Innu Malti bl-Emblema ta' Malta Socjalista).

Comments Anonymous

"Ibid you already know."
-- More Discworld philosophers (Terry Pratchett, Pyramids)

One of the most prolific writers in history must definitely be the erudite, all-knowing and flexible Anon. I still remember his great poems in the Dragon Book of Verse, not to mention the large amount of witty proverbs attributed to Anon. He is closely followed by Ibid who, however, tends to be a copycat.

A comment on my Misfits post by Alan Vella inspires todays post. I do not know Alan Vella. the first time he posted on my blog he was anonymous since - as he rightly states - he is not a member of Blogger. Alan's comment comes as a breath of fresh air for although I still disagree with him I feel more comfortable disagreeing with a person whose name I know. The hidden identity is irritating - very much like speaking to a person wearing a mask. Technically nothing should change, the conversation should still be the same, but the big questions that keep knocking at your mind about the person's ID and why that person chooses anonymity tend to distract from the main subject.

I do not like anonymous comments. I tend to react aggressively and lose objectivity about the nature of the comment. Blogger does let you post by signing your name and in any case you can sign at the end of the comment. On the other hand, I love comments. All kinds. When its a comment (signed) that disagrees with the content it gives me the opportunity to discuss. When its a compliment (thanks Seb from Luxembourg by the way) it gives you that little pleasure and tiny return for dedicating your time to blogging.

The comment is a very important part of the blogging phenomenon. Without the comment there would not be so much interaction. Hits or no hits I still see that a healthy blog provokes at least one comment per post. Which is where anonymous posters come in. Setting aside the bungler who does not make an effort to put his name anywhere on the comment, we are left with the abusers of anonymity. These feel comfortable being rude, irrational and downright irritating simply because they are covered by the shroud of anonymity.

A step away from the anonymous is the second personality. Nicknames on fora and blogs hide the real person. In some cases, like my Sfigho, it is simply to distinguish the comic from the less comic. Others do not abuse of their internet personality (see Maltagirl and Fausto for example). Others tire of their alter ego after a while - witness the demise of Arcibald.

Whatever the case, the Internet gives us a tool of powerful expression. Like all tools it can be used and abused. I for one would vote for less anonymity and more openness. Especially when leaving comments. I'd love to know what any reader of this post thinks... if you do have an idea, you know what to do.... click on REPLIQUE below.

Ah yes... leave anonymous comments only if you have no personality.

Playground Football

Those who are lucky enough to be of my generation will remember Espana 82 as the first World Cup that they could follow. I was almost seven at the time and collected the Panini album with a passion memorising every single footballer from Laszlo Kiss to Dominique Rochetau. The World Cup started while we were still at school and I still remember the Stella Maris College Chapel packed to the brim with parents assisting their sons' First Holy Communion with the dads very distracted from the general run of affairs since Italia - Peru was on at the same time. That was June 18th 1982 and the match started at 17.15. The chapel twice echoed with muffled cries of goal. The first at the 19th minute of the match when Bruno Conti put the azzurri ahead then at the 84th minute when Ruben Toribio Diaz scored after an assist by Teofilio Cubillas.

Released for the summer I followed the rest of the World Cup from quiet Marsalforn where I was destined to cry for the first time after a football match when the perfidious Italians defeated my chosen team with three Rossi goals. But the most interesting part that I remember was a discussion with my neighbour Kevin Mompalao (now Dr.) which probably must have occured later in June while revising the results on the Panini album. At the start of the tournament, Magyarorszag (or Hungary) had played El Salvador and trounced them 10-1 with 5 goals coming from two players named Laszlo (3 Kiss, 2 Fazekas). It was then that Kevin and I both agreed that the mighty Magyar team would proceed to win the Cup. If they manage to score 10 goals in one game then they would beat anyone.

In a child's world it would not matter that El Salvador have Ricardo Guevara Mora and not Dino Zoff in goal. The relative weakness of different opponents would not register. 10 goals were simply too much. The fact that Belgium would qualify above Hungary by winning two matches 1-0 (Argentina and El Salvador) and drawing with the Magyars went over our heads.

In a child's world the Malta that drew yesterday with Croatia would be a great team. Last week in a round of friendlies before the competitive matches, Malta drew 1-1 with Sanchez's Northern Ireland. On the same day mighty Brazil of Kaka, Ronaldinho, Robinho, Ronaldo and Emperor Adriano were drawing to Croatia. Yesterday Malta drew with Croatia (and therefore could draw with Brazil) and yesterday the same Northern Ireland that drew with Malta defeated England (so Malta could defeat England too).

Unfortunately the real world is much more cynical. That is why in 1982 it was Dino Zoff and not Zico, Falcao, Socrates and Eder who lifted the World Cup to the shouts of "Campioni del Mondo! Campioni del Mondo! Campioni del Mondo!". That is why Brasil became Tetracampeao after Baresi, Baggio and Massaro shot their penalties to the stars in 1994. That is why we will never see Stephen Wellman curl a magnificent freekick during a World Cup final stages.

Finally, one important consequence of yesterday's achievement in Ta' Qali as seen from a Juventus fanatic point of view... Zlatan Ibrahimovic must have, even for a split second, entertained positive thoughts about my country. A child's view that's true.... but isn't the innocence of childhood wonderful?

They Did Not Come in Boats

I just read in Xifer that the fans of the young republic of Hrvatska went on rampage in Ta' Qali as our national team held their team to a draw. The behaviour of a few hooligans should not taint a nation and its peoples. It is still condemnable though. Especially since they ruin our little feast. For Malta this point shines like a gold medal at the Olympics. Pity the tourists were not up to standard and tore up the seats at Ta'Qali.

Meanwhile back in real life 28 immigrants have been rescued off Marsaxlokk by the AFM and a visit by a Dutch Asylum specialist has been announced.

Viva Malta!

Non Sequitur #22

Microsoft is the latest big technology firm to embrace VOIP. This week, the software giant announced that it had bought Teleo, an American VOIP-technology firm, for an undisclosed sum. Days earlier Google, a leading search engine, announced that it would launch Google Talk, an instant message and voice service, in competition with other leading web portals. In June, Yahoo! bought Dialpad, a firm offering the same sort of technology as Teleo.

At the moment, the technology giants generally only allow computer-to-computer voice services. But they may soon extend their offerings to compete with the likes of Vonage, Skype, 8X8 and a host of other new firms that concentrate on providing VOIP services. These companies allow customers to plug their phone into a gadget connected to the internet. By offering this service they have shown they want to compete directly with traditional telecoms firms and the cable companies that have recently joined the fray.

Source: The Economist

It's Been Emotional

I read on Gybexi's blog that Misfits will be closing down in three weeks. I was never really the Misfits type. This notwithstanding I still have a Misfits poster in my office at the ECJ in Kirchberg, Luxembourg. My little contribution of Maltese in this world of corridors decorated by kitsch posters of home countries is a cool advertising poster of a series of long-forgotten nights at Misfits.

As I was saying Misfits was never my place. Socially I always felt a non-conformist but Misfits always seemed to be full of the wishy-washy socialists or the musically enlightened who did not quite tickle my fancy. Misfits was a place where a hypocritical charade was acted out almost daily. Its customers were of the kind who would not be seen dead in Paceville (to be pronounced with disdain), so ... they went to Paceville. They found their little bastion of non-conformity which sort of highlighted them as different to the rest. It gave them the chance to peek around the town on Saturday nights since it was only a walk away and, if anyone asked, you could always say that you were off to BJ's or for a hotdog at Jimmy's.

They say the cook next door was good before she legged it out of Peaceville to Malata in Valletta. Jealous Valletta, always trying to regain its nights of former glory while that Whore of Babylon across the harbour continued to bask in the beer drenched beauty of nights filled with language students, ecstasy laden hamalli and coke sniffing snobs. Misfits was the outpost for the wankellectuals who could not bring themselves to admit that they too got a piece of the Paceville pie. And anyway at Misfits you could hear real muzzik not the commercial trash played up the road.

Maybe I started to go to Misfits when dragged by some girlfriend. Or maybe to meet friends like Antonio Tufigno. Or maybe to listen to those wonderful nights deejayed by John Joseph (Job for friends). Maybe I might have heard some alternative Maltese band (not Scream Daisy of course). Maybe I enjoyed watching the geeks in their costumes meticulously chosen to look as randomly brought together as possible. Maybe I enjoyed the outlandish look of the drapes from the ceiling or the idea of lounging on a sofa in a bar. Maybe it was the fact that Misfits was run by Rowan Carbone... the same guy who I remember as a child (the bugger is younger than me) on the same busstop for our San Alwigi bus infront of Wembley Garage at 6.45 am. Maybe there was a time when the Mojito was good there.

Maybe. Misfits is closed. Its current crowd will definitely find another non-trendy place to patronise (never was an adjective more apt). I will definitely find an excuse to tag along. In the meantime as Vinnie Jones' character says in that great film.....

"It's been emotional."

Pie in the Sky (with Children)

Robert jokingly insists my non-scoop was a gaffe. I insist it was a scoop. A relative one. Meanwhile the home of gaffes produced another gem that must be seen. Reporting another event organised by NIMBY inc. the Di-ve News Team has reached new depths of linguistic classics and are beginning to rival Dame Lorna. It appears that at a public hearing organised by MEPA at the Jerma Palace was sabotaged by residents who wanted to make themselves heard.

Here is a sample of di-ve's report (my red):

Some 300 residents were present at the meeting together with various mayors of the nearby localities to voice their say against the proposed recycling plant. Placards reading 'MEPA bulldog or Poodle', 'SOS Stavros Dimas' 'Guarantees, a pie in the skies" were held up along with children wearing gas masks.

I still cannot decide which is the best. The placard with "pie in the skies" (possibly Greek)? Or the idea of an incensed resident waving his mask-bearing child angrily in the air at the organisers? Anyways, the report ends like this:

In their letter the residents called on Ciantar to sign the guarantee to ensure that no more than 71,000 tonnes of waste will be disposed within the recycling plant [I can already see the residents taking it in turns to weigh the waste as it enters the plant to confirm that the guarantee does not remain a pie in the skies] and that this will not have negative impact on the property value in the area. The controversial consultation meeting [another CCM brought to you by NIMBY inc.] was chaired by Vincent Gauci, MEPA's assistant director.

Deeper and deeper.

The Joke's On You

While attending the baptism of Andrij Shevchenko's son as the padrino, Silvio Berlusconi let his (undoubtedly implanted) hair down and told the media a joke. It goes something like this:

"The Pope was crossing a lake in a boat when a gust of wind blows his hat off. Berlusconi crosses the lake by walking on the water and recovers the hat for the Pope. The next day the opposition papers lead with the title - Berlusconi does not know how to swim."

A joke with a moral then. No matter how many miracles St. Silvio will make he will be maligned by the opposition. The joke might be on Silvio and several other world leaders right now. Up north across the border Gerhard Schroder is facing an uphill struggle against Eastern Christian-Democrat Angela Merkel. Tony is not shining too much from Ten Downing Street these days. In Brasil the wonderful socialist Lula is no longer being cuddled as the Che of the modern age.

And Dubya. Oh Dubya Dubya. His reaction time to Katrina has had black and poor America up in arms. When Hurricane Charlie hit Florida before the general election (that all-important power base) he had zipped up to the state pronto. Bush had also interrupted his Easter holiday to sign into law emergency legislation to save the life of Terry Schiavo whose case had galvanised the conservative and white base. And New Orleans? It wook Bush two days to leave Texas for Washington and he only visited New Orleans last Friday.

Political jokes? The best ones I know get elected.

Meanwhile on a related subject. I read (maybe belatedly) about the formation of ANR Malta's very own Alleanza Nazzjonali Repubblikana. I've seen the site. It is evident that this is another product of the disillusioned, of the sorry state of Maltese politics. A spinoff of a joke can only be a worse joke. Taking their logo straight out of the former Movimento Sociale Italiano (MSI now AN) and replacing the green of the Italian tricolor with more red, these new nationalists take great pains at trying to define themselves as non-racist. More will be said later.

It would have been much better had they started off with a pledge to non-violence and an endorsement of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Then we could move on into the nuances of nationality, race and tolerance. Maybe.

It's time to take these matters seriously. Otherwise the joke could really be on us.

Non Sequitur #21

Le Scoop de J'Accuse

Sorsi illi jippreferu jibqghu anonimi infurmawna li s-Sinjorina Attard Previ (illi issa tinstab sprovduta mill-ghazza famuza - u anka m'ghadhiex Sinjorina) se taghmel ritorn fragoruz din is-sena fuq it-tv bhala prezentatrici tal-programm l-iSpjun "ennezimu spin-off mill-grande fratello".

You heard it here first.

Addendum: This is a scoop for those of us who live abroad and who are not lucky enough to have all the Maltese media at their disposal.

Death of a Conservative

Died. September 3, 2005, aged 80. William Hubbs Rehnquist. Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court.

WILLIAM REHNQUIST was a lone, right-wing dissenter who gradually shaped the United States Supreme Court into a model that better reflected his own conservative views. During 34 years� membership of the Bench and almost two decades presiding as Chief Justice, Rehnquist helped to redefine the boundaries of American society and the role of the court within it. Recently he presided over the impeachment of President Clinton and the Bush v Gore case, which decided the 2000 election in favour of George W. Bush.
Source: The Times

A Bit of Rehnquist....
It is truly surprising that the state must assign a greater value to a mother's decision to cut off a potential human life by abortion than to a father's decision to let it mature into a live child.

But the greatest injury of the 'wall' notion is its mischievous diversion of judges from the actual intentions of the drafters of the Bill of Rights. . . . The "wall of separation between church and state" is a metaphor based on bad history, a metaphor which has proved useless as a guide to judging. It should be frankly and explicitly abandoned.

Our judges will not continue to represent the diverse face of America if only the well-to-do or the mediocre are willing to become judges.

Perhaps you should say there should be mandatory retirement even of members of the court, members of the federal judiciary. I'm sure there can be questions about whether one does as good work when you get into your - you know, I'm 67.

The Constitution requires that Congress treat similarly situated persons similarly, not that it engages in gestures of superficial equality.

The Obituary

His Life

Bollettino - Season 2

Time to plug my alter ego (as if this one is not enough). Bollettino just celebrated its 1st anniversary on the net very silently. I know the editor Gakbu Sfigho is a very nice, gentle man with a good sense of humour. He represents the right way of looking at the mishaps of life - by remembering that there is always something or somebody who is having it worse... or as the poet said.... "Always look at the bright side of life".

So for those of you who are dying for an eye-ache, head-ache and stomach-ache after an hour of deciphering the Vassalli Maltese stuck to the screen and an hour of good old fashioned laughter that is not prompted by special effects... Bollettino is back for the new season.

Sibtijiet Flimkien (L-1 Episodju)

Merhba. Peress illi il-bloggata tieghi bil-Malti jidher li intoghgbot u peress illi d-delizzju (jew namra tieghi) ghal ilsien pajjizi qatt ma iddghajjef, qtajtha li nibda naghmel tal-inqas bloggata wahda fil-gimgha bil-vernakulari. It-titolu ta' din ir-rubrika ser ikun l-istess wiehed ta' dak il-programm li fin-nuqqas ta' ghazla konna naraw fuq l-MTV nar ta' Sibt fil-kumpanija tal-wicc imbaccac u ferrriehi bin-nuccali forma Grundig ta' Normal Hamilton.

Ilni nibbloggja sitt xhur u l-gost ma naqasx. Jidher li l-qarrejja baqghu kostanti wara li lhaqt apici ta xi 150 fil-gurnata. Ir-raguni li ghazilt l-Ingliz kien li xtaqt udjenza usa'. Dan il-ghan ftit li xejn intlahaq s'issa. Forsi ghax-is-suggett baqa' dak ta' Din l-Art Helwa li qajla jinteressa lil min ma ghandux x'jaqsam ma gziritna. Sadattant ilp-blogosfera qed tissawwar dejjem ahjar u niehu gost nara diskursati twal bhal ma kellu Erezija ma Guze u Gybexi f'reazzjoni ghal bloggata ta' Mark u kummenti tal-maledett (skond xi nies) Fausto r-rivoluzzjonarju konservattiv.

L'ura ghas-Sibtijiet Flimkien. Il-programm tal-llum gentilment sponsorjat minn Bols Liquers prodott impurtat minn Wands Limited ta' Qormi Road, Marsa (u hawn klowzupp fuq kuxxtejn Attard Previ li imbaghad jippanja bizzejjed biex ifakkrek fl-ghatsa ta' wicca - putoff kbir). F'din ir-rubrika (kelma ohra helwa mit-televixin tat-tmeninijiet) ser nikteb bhas-soltu dwar dak li jolqotni nhar ta' Sibt u inlesti ghall-weekend. F'Sibtijiet Flimkien ser issibu ukoll rokna (l-evoluzzjoni lingwstika ta' rubrika mal-wasla tat-Taghna t-Tfal fil-bankijiet ta' l-iskejjel) helwa ta' reminixxenzi minn tfulitna. Kull min twieled bejn il-1972 u l-1977 kapaci jissimpatizza.

Souvenirs

Personalita' tal-Gimgha - Normal Hamilton. Kapacita impressjonanti li jibdel Sibt mimli dwejjaq ghal Sibt mimli divertiment ghal familja kollha. Status symbol tar-ragel normali taht hakma Socjalista. Ma gara xejn. Kollox sabieh. Kollox bellezza. Basta tqum filghodu u ssib Sibtijiet Flimkien fuq it-tv. Ftit qabel l-ahbarijiet fejn isem il-Kap ta' l-Oppozizzjoni huwa interdett mit-tfal tal-interdizzjoni.

Fejn hi issa? - Grazziella Attard Previ. Ippartecipat fil-Miss World 1984. L-istess sena illi fiha Franza kaxkru l-Ewropej bi Platini, Rochetau, Tigana, Bossis, Genghini. Probabbli li Rochetau kien isbah minn Attard Previ. Biss biss kien jismu Dominique (isem trendy ghal zmienijiet bhal dawk - It's Dom Jim but not as we know it).

Prodott tal-Gimgha - Bols Liqueurs. Rokna helwa tal-Cocktail tal-Gimgha. Normal Hamilton kien jittrasforma ruhu f'somelier u jsegwi l-creme de la creme tal-wejters maltin huma u jlestu cocktail a bazi ta liqueur impost mill-isponsor. Della serie ... fi zmien is-socialists ikollok tahdem b'dak li jaghtuk. Missieri kien jahdem ma Wands dak iz-zmien u konna inkunu jien u hija li nifthu l-envelopps kollha tal-kompetizzjoni u nimlew l-urna. Tghidx kemm qlajt daqqiet ta' harta mill-pa meta ghamilt proposti frawdolenti sabiex nirbhu is-sudetta kompetizzjoni.

Riklam tal-Gimgha - Hi Spot. Kantaw mieghi. Ixtru gemmghu rigali ghal kullhadd! Rigal minn hemm rigal minn hawn rigal minn hemm rigal minn hawn.... il-Hi Spot hija xarba tajba ghal kullhadd! U x'ma tiftakarx fl-ewwel bottle dispensing machine li rajt f'hajti. Gewwa l-Hotel ta' Cenc. Kelli xi sitt snin. Hadni missieri fid-dawra tieghu bhala spaccatur ta' spiriti (Salesman ma Wands) u hemmhekk skoprejt il-maravilja tal-makni li taghtihom il-flus u jaghtuk il-bibita. Proprjament skoprejt li jibilghu il-flus u jibaghtuk tixxejjer bil-bozza SOLD OUT.

Hanut tal-Gimgha - Mr. Wimpy's. Taparsi morna McDonalds. Imma le.

Film tal-Gimgha - Towering Inferno (madwar 1975). L-ewwel darba li dhalt go cinema (xi erbgha jew hames snin wara li hareg. Haduni l-Astra (Victoria) iz--ziju u l-girlfriend. Suppost kellhom jitfghuni fuq seat u noqghod niccassa lejn l-iscrin filwaqt li probabbli jitbaghbsu fid-dlam. Ghazlu film hazin ghax hlief nar ma niftakarx u bkejt kemm flaht. Spiccaw kellhom johrogu l-barra. Ma hadux ghalihom ghax ghamluni pagg fit-tieg... dak li jgorr ic-crieket. Ftit wara isseparaw. Mhux tort tieghi. Promis.

Memorja Sportiva - Hamrun Spartans. It-tmenijiet kienu taghhom u ghalhekk nibdew bihom. Issa jissieltu ghar-relegejxin ma timijiet kbar ohra bhall Furjana u l-Belt. Filwaqt li l-Marsa l-Msida u l-Pieta jikkompetu ghad-dizzy heights ta' Away match kontra d-Dudelange.

Ghalissa daqshekk. Ibaghtulna suggerimenti ghal personalita, prodott, programm, film u sports tal-gimgha billi taghfsu fuq kummenti. Jekk ma ghogobkhomx ghiduli. Ha nbiddel.

Sahhiet.

It's His Birthday Too

60 years and counting... Happy Birthday!

Katrina's Waves

The aftermath of Hurricane Katrina is still unfolding. The descent into anarchy following the devastation of New Orleans has left most observers open-mouthed. Here are a number of random facts which are surfacing at the moment:

1. 4% of senators took a vote and approved 10,5 billion dollars in aid for the victims. The rest of the senate was still on holiday at the time of the vote.

2. The damage caused by the hurricane is estimated to be above 50 billion dollars.

3. Much of the population of New Orleans have no food or water. This is resulting in raids and sabotage. Casinos and supermarkets have been mobbed in the search for food. Persons are patrolling their neighbourhoods to protect them from ransackers.

4. The state of Texas (population 21 million) has declared that it can take in 75,000 refugees (in this sense taking refuge from the storm). That is 0.35% of its population. The equivalent of Malta (pop 400,000) taking in 1,400 refugees.

5. Since last Sunday it was thought that Fats Domino, one of the fathers of rock'n'roll, was missing. He has been found and escorted from his home.

6. 300 agents of the National Guard (Iraq veterans) have been stationed to keep the peace in New Orleans. They are licensed to shoot at potential troublemakers.

7. Japan has sent the US $500,000 in aid. The Association of American States and NATO have promised help.

8.Food is urgently needed for 25,000 people. The number of dead is still not clear.

9. Reaction from Bush and the White House is being perceived as slow.

No Coke

Since 1989, eight union leaders have been assassinated at Coca-Cola bottling plants in Colombia. According to a statement from the Campaign to Stop Killer Coke in New York: �Hundreds of other Coke workers have been tortured, kidnapped and/or illegally detained by violent paramilitaries, often working closely with plant managements.� As more light is shed on these incidents, a coalition of students and labour activists seeking to end the violence is growing in both numbers and influence. To challenge the bloody repression of union activists in Colombia, this movement is hitting the Atlanta-based beverage company where it hurts: right on the profit margin.

Student governments on college campuses in the United States and abroad have passed resolutions urging their administrations to divest from Coca-Cola; schools such as Bard College (New York), Lake Forest College (Illinois), and Oberlin College (Ohio), among many others, have campus-wide bans on Coke products, meaning that no function of the school can enter into a contract with the company or sell the product on campus. There are already rumblings about bans in the works at the nation�s largest schools, such as the University of Michigan, New York University, and Rutgers University (New Jersey). One of Italy�s largest universities and three Irish colleges are onboard.

Source: This Article in Opendemocracy.org

Now, after Kinnie, Coke is my favourite drink. Reading something like this makes my stomach churn. Will I manage to get off my addiction? Not sure... but will definitely drink less. " I'd like to teach the world to sing..."

Xifer 31

Q. What do you do when a Sant-loving, commie-licking, gay-adulating, morrissey-idolising, wannabe-linguist, retired publicist, sexy-seperatee, wishy-washy socialist wankellectual turns thirty-one?

A. Shout Happy Birthday. Obviously.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARK

Heart-Wrenching Note to all practising homosexuals:
Mark has not yet switched to your side. He was simply caught unawares at a party posing as a fake gay. From fake commie to fake gay... we love you Mark we do! You are not a Communist!