Standby for Inaction

Esteemed (and less esteemed) readers of this blog are advised that due to an incredible fuck up in installing new hardware at 22 rue de bragance that would have allowed my Mac to speak to my TV and my stereo as well as to my Playstation but has instead resulted in a complete breakdown of commmunications, blogging shall be scarce today, tomorrow and Thursday (probably inexistent).

Readers are advised to limit their unassisted thinking time to the minimum and to avoid forming opinions at all costs unless supervised by a conceited adult like myself. Should they be assailed by a sudden need to think, a warm bath followed by grissini dipped in nutella and a hot chocolate is recommended. Do not exceed the daily stated dose. Remember that Objects in the Rear View Mirror generally tend to be Behind You and that Steps can go both Up and Down at the same time. Just like your luck, your humour and in the case of male readers ... like your favourite football team's fortunes.

Enjoy the break. Coz it is a break.

I.M. Jack - ninth edition

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. Mark Twain.

I.M. Jack - the news shortcut

1. Discount
Last minute October sales came for three teams - Lazio, Fiorentina and Juventus - all had their penalties reduced. As Serie A still struggles for an identity without its favourite team, AC Milan were the only team to have their penalty stay as it was.

2. Borat
The heat is on as the release date in Europe approaches. Controversy abounds including ridiculous accusations of fomenting anti-semitism. Does parody of anti-semitism cause anti-semitism? And did Hashet beget Japhet or did they just adopt him at a supermart?

3. Budget
Debate continued about Viagra and other machisms. Yesterday Governor Gonzi was busy explaining how the discount on the surcharge is another Good Thing brought to the World by the Nationalist Government. Like the Departure tax, the discounted surcharge was originally a PN measure. Sant is meanwhile still lost in viagristic vagaries.

4. Failure
The President of the US of A is still struggling to find a comfortable definition of Failure. His approach is basically to shift the goalposts by successive minimalist definitions of Success. He should learn some lessons from the PN spin masters. He should definitely steer away from Alfossa though. "Our mission in Irak has been like a Viagra to the people?" naah... definitely a no-go for the Mid-Terms.

5. Phosphorous
Israel admitted to using white phosphorous on troops - an action that is contrary to the Geneva Conventions. As we post there is still no mention of a US invasion to repristinate democracy and Human Rights in Tel Aviv.

6. Death
On a personal note we must excuse ourselves for the feeble blogging that might ensue in the next few days. Death always has this mind numbing existential effect on us.

7. Food
Kebabs have proven to be (as always) the valuable meal when all else is too time-consuming or expensive. Whether in Etain, Metz or Luxembourg always look out for a good Turk. And then they say that they should not join the EU.... Join? They practically feed us!

In Vin a Veritas (TGIL)

Lorna has abandoned the field of political statistics to return to the intellectually laden fields of theatre. Her article this week is an ad for the presentation of a Vinaver play somewhere in Malta (does not say where). Apparently the French playwright's work has been translated to the vernacular by the Dame herself much to the surprise of university lecturer Richard Spiteri. Here are a few gems from her presentation:

Writers are made of the same fabric as we are. But they see things differently. That is why I enthusiastically await a Vinaver's version of reality. To see all through his eyes not yours or mine. But some may justly (rightly?) ask who he is. A Vinaver indeed. A Michel Vinaver. A contemporary French writer who has taken first France and, later, the world by storm. A creator of theatre who can only be described theatrically. A lecturer of la Sorbonne (Credit S101: la Sorbonne). His 1964 play Hôtel Iphigenie was turned into a TV film and one of the more recent plays by the same author include 11th September 2001 (actually the most recent play by Vinaver IS "11th September 2001" - and it premiered in LA in 2005).

Vinaver's life as an author leaves nothing to be desired. Also known as France's translator of Shakespeare and T.S. Eliot's Waste Land, his works have been translated, published, studied, applauded and criticised (one would add performed). His repute (as in ill repute?) nowadays is, beyond any doubt, an international one.

(...)

Especially appealing to Francophiles, this year I have taken the opportunity to delve deeper into the mystical French language as well as its psyche (The Mystique and Psyche of the French Language - I foresee a bestseller) through the Vinaver medium (is the fact that she delved deeper especially appealing to Francophiles?). When I told Richard Spiteri, a university lecturer, about my idea, (this comma is brought to you by Yellow Pages) I guess he thought I will never spend so many hours translating. However, I was more than pleased to show him he had highly underestimated my enthusiasm (do we ever?).

So, this year's work, which is a comedy, started off at the translation stage. A translation that included a transposition and adaptation of the environment from a French one to a Maltese one, to the point of including some Maltese (very) popular names on stage instead of the unfamiliar French ones. The humour, therefore, also starts off with the casting and the choice of characters' names. (Don't you just cringe at the thought? The creative pen of the Gramatically Challenged transforming a Jacques into a Zeppi and a Celine to an Eileen?)

The end-product is surprisingly Maltese. The actors will include Tony Ellul (main actor as well as director), Veronica Farrugia (main actress), Mariella Aquilina (Pamela, the mature journalist), Olivia-Anne Pace Marmara (Daphne, the not-so-less influential journalist), David Rizzo (the hamallu), Sarah Lee Zammit (the over-ambitious journalist trying to break through), Dorian Micallef (Magistrate Xuereb) and Joelene Penza (seemingly-idiotic-involuntarily-philosophic secretary). (There you go... the cheap jibe at Daphne... and for a minute I thought that Olivia-Ann and Sarah Lee were invented stage names!)

I don't know about you but I know where I am going to be on November 4th after 6. And that's definitely not watching Lorna Vassallo's Hamallisation of Vinaver's The Television Programme. Bet you she'll be expecting many a "Prosit tal-Programm" though!

Pratchett

This:

It was the shortest day of the year, which was convenient because it fitted neatly with the longest night.

...is why I like Pratchett. A sentence out of Wintersmith, the latest book by the Master.

Lawrence Wenngrodd

The countdown to the greatest film this year has begun. Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan will be out on November 3rd. For the benefit of some curious fans here are a couple of articles that might satisfy your curiosity about the behind the scenes. The idea of Duh!mericans examining whether "victims" of "guerilla comedian" Sacha Baron Cohen can sue him for making them look like complete dorks is quite intriguing. This is particularly so when it is evident that every joke/gag is a fraud in a way and therefore it should not really be about detecting fraud or otherwise but whether you want to legalise humour of that kind or not....

"Borat tricked me!" from Slate.com
"Behind the Schemes" from Newsweek
"Respek!" on Slate.com
Borat on Wikipedia
Official Borat Homepage
Borat on Myspace

Grow Up

I found this article on the Telegraph thanks to Art & Literature Daily. It's an interesting read (it's interesting because I agree with what it says of course) and I suggest that you take some time and read it. Meanwhile here is the guide to Being an Adult that is found at the end of the article:

How to be an adult

Don't be affronted Being affronted (or offended, or complaining about 'inappropriateness') is no response for a grown-up. Only children believe the world should conform to their own view of it: a sort of magical thinking that can only lead to warfare, terrorism, unmanageable short-term debt and the Blair/Bush alliance.

Mistrust anything catchy, whether it's the Axis of Evil, advertising slogans, or blatant branding ('New Labour'). Catchiness exists to prevent thought and to disguise motive. Grown-ups can think for themselves.

Ignore celebrities, except when they are doing what they are celebrated for doing: acting, playing football et cetera. Skill does not confer moral, political or intellectual discrimination. (Except in the case of writers. Writers know everything and can lecture you with impunity.) If a celebrity is not celebrated for doing anything but being a celebrity, smile politely but pay no notice.

We should not assume that market forces will decide wisely. The market is rigged by manipulation and infantilisation.

Consider our own motivations. We may rail about being treated like children, ordered about, kept from the truth, nannied and exploited… but are we complicit in it? Could the reward actually be infantilisation itself?

Autonomy is the primary marker of being grown up. Babies, children and adolescents don't have any. We don't want to be in their boat.

Suspect administration Its purpose is to free the organisation to do what it's meant to do: but the triumph of the administrators - the lawyers, the accountants, the professional managers - means that too many organisations now believe that what they are meant to do is administer themselves. This is a profoundly infantile attitude.

Do not love yourself unconditionally. Such love is for babies and comes from their mothers. Ignore fashion, particularly in clothes. You don't want to look like a teenager for ever.

Never do business with a company offering 'solutions' as in 'ergonomic furniture solutions which minimise the postural strain associated with sitting' (chairs) and 'Post Office mailing solutions' (brown paper). The word suggests we have a problem, but since we are grown-ups, that is for us to decide.

Denounce relativism at every turn. Shouting 'not fair' is childish. Demanding respect without earning it is childish. Don't fear seriousness. Babies aren't allowed to be serious.

Watch our language. Is there really much difference between a six-year-old in a fright-wig and his father's waders shouting 'I'm the Mighty Wurgle-Burgle-Urgley-Goo' and an ostensible grown-up demanding to be called 'Tony Blair's Respect Tsar'?

Hide Grown-ups are not required to be perpetually accountable, while the instincts of government and big business, both of which are, almost by their nature, great infantilisers, are to keep an eye on everyone all the time.

Eat it up There is nothing more babyish than having dietary requirements.

Never vote for, do business with or be pleasant to anyone who uses the words 'ordinary people'.

Who's everybody?

Everyone is expecting me to pronounce my verdict on the budget.
- Saviour Balzan, Malta Today.

Ermmm.... Not. Damn. Should have left sleeping Hogan's lie. But really, who's everyone?

The End of an Era

The Indy announces the news that a 100-year old tradition will end next year. It appears that in reply to questionnaires sent out by the College, parents of children attending St. Aloysius' College felt that the system of Wednesday-Off Saturday-School was disrupting family life. Parents who had no choice but leave their children alone at home on Wednesday were not happy about this arrangement.

Having been an Aloysian for over seven years I am not impressed by this pussy-footing attitude. First of all whatever happened to the strictness of the Jesuit formation? That strictness that is resented all through your formative years but that is slowly (very slowly) appreciated afterwards. And what's all this business of the poor mummies and daddies who cannot leave little baby Anaximander at home?

For heaven's sake, Wednesday at home is what makes us different. It's what allows you to learn how to cook. It's that day for those adventures into the tunnels of Manoel Island, into Sacred Heart Convent grounds with Prof Edward Mallia running after you like a deranged australopithecus. It's how you get used to poring over every single item in the Times in the morning (when the Social & Personal Column provides the exact amount of reading until the chips are well fried). It's the first cigarette, the first porn, the first everything practically. And what will they punish the students with now? "Come in next Saturday" does not have the same feel as "Detention on Wednesday", does it?

I never thought I would ever be speaking about the loss of the stiff fibre that society was made of in my childhood. I always thought that that kind of stuff was reserved to the Conservative grandads reminescing a younger age. Well humbug to that. I think changing this 100-year old tradition is the worst thing the Jesuits could have done since the Inquisition. I think they should round up all the parents who answered in such a pussy-like fashion in the big hall, make them look up at the Knight which adorns the ceiling and then force them to choose... either SAC with Wednesday off, Saturday on or just send their bloomin' wusses to another school that will be glad to grovel and pander to their kiddy widdies needs. Like St. Edward's for example.

Non Sequitur #62

Sky TV

Ascolti tv, un successo per Sky: domenica dalle ore 15 alle 17 ha fatto il 13,77% di share, 2.033.000 spettatori. E' stata la quarta televisione (picco di share alle 16.52 con il 15,6%) e ha ottenuto il miglior risultato stagionale. Questa la serie A, che col posticipo serale, Milan-Palermo, ha fatto intorno all'8%. Con la serie B, sabato pomeriggio, Sky ha raccolto uno share altissimo, 16,13%, seconda tv dietro a Canale 5. Picco di ascolto alle 17.06 con il 17,99%. Grazie Juventus...

from La Repubblica

We Aten't Dead (yet)

Gybexi sniffed out the smell of dead people. It doesn't take much of a Sixth Sense to begin to worry that the various appearing/disappearing acts on the Maltese blogosphere could easily be depicted in a Thriller like movie (cue Xifer surfacing from the earth with a haggardly Crouchy look *make up of course* and approaching the camera). I guess I had got used to it by now. Some blogs are not meant for discussion, they are merely (maybe not the right word) personal diaries... read if you will. Others get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life (not the hedgerow) and tend to vanish for some time. Others still succumb to the need to get a better (or worse) life away from the daily meanderings on the keyboard. So?

Barring some dyspesic hiccups over the time between some bloggers I think that the blogosphere is as smooth as ever. Factor in the fact that none of us blog for a living, multiply it by the incredible fact that it exists at all and then divide it by a minimum reality check and hey presto... all of a sudden you feel good about the Maltese blogosphere.

There's loads out there who blog more often. I cannot keep track of the various newbies who have sprouted but I get the feeling that many more are trying their luck. At what? For now it is still the same as when it begun... at surviving... at having some form of interaction. We do not have an international exposure and nationally we are not exactly your Times of Malta. But we are there. Life is breathed into the Maltese blogosphere every day. My bloglines list gets and average of six to seven new posts daily. Not bad for a corpse. Of course it is not your Olympic athlete either...

Seeing that Halloween is round the corner... how about a Festival of Corpses? Feel free to submit your post... I'll try to give the thing a semblance of a Carnival notwithstanding my limited coordinating capabilites. So just send in (or add in the comments) your link to your post - preferably with a corpsy theme... let your imagination wander.... Twanny... we're waiting for your new blog...

Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y'awl's neighborhood
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpse's shell
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller

White Phosphorous (reprise)

from the international desk:
Does anyone remember the controversy that flared on the Maltese blogosphere (and other places) regarding the use of White Phosphorous by Duh!merican troops in Irak. The MK77 saga ended with a US admission. Almost a year has passed and now another member of the Alliance of Selective Democracy has admitted the use of White Phosphorous. From the BBC:

Israel has for the first time admitted it used controversial phosphorus shells during fighting against Hezbollah in Lebanon in July and August. (...) The Geneva Conventions ban the use of white phosphorus as an incendiary weapon
against civilian populations and in air attacks against military forces in civilian areas.

Meanwhile, in the Dark Continent, spare a thought for the UN envoy Mr Pronk who is being expelled from Sudan after comments on his blog:

"Morale in the government army in north Darfur has gone down," he wrote. "Some
generals have been sacked; soldiers have refused to fight."

and now for something completely different:
We note with interest that Schumi the Terrible did not win his last Championship. Insofar as hated rivals go we also note that Rigetta slipped away from the head of the Campionato while the indestructible Inter were also held to a draw allowing the glorious Mafia Army to catch up after a deserved victory in San Siro against the devils. Palermo, Catania and Fiorentina... teams really worth watching in this year's campionato until the return of the Greatest Team Ever. Back home Valletta march on as an old derby ended in a stalemate which means that Floriana will be savouring the bottom berths while the City enjoys this revival. They think it's all over?

I.M. Jack - eighth edition

i.m. jack - last week in perspective

Welcome to a late Sunday night edition of i.m. jack. It was budget week and so in complete agreement with Daphne we will talk of better, more interesting things. Like blogs. Fausto is right. Daphne is wrong. There are no far-right bloggers. Our freakiness has not taken us that far. We blog... they forage. Anyways... here is the week in brief:

1. Admission
As the week came to a close we also got the first signs of admission that all is not well on the Iraq front. We even heard someone in the top brass of the Duh!merican Multinational Invasion Forces admit that Duh! States have been stupid and arrogant in their approach to Iraq. Meanwhile in his usual shifting the posts routin non-nobel prize winner Dubya Bush redefined the goals for Iraq for the millionth time. Next month he is expected to announce that the Duh!Merican invasion will be deemed to have succeeded if the Iraqi capital is Baghdad. Next month we will be hoping that the Duh!Merican nation starts to prove it is not so Duh!merican after all.

2. Revising Superlatives
Hats off, mourning and all regarding 9/11 and all that - do you remember how positively awed we were by the efficiency of the Duh!merican recovery? Do you recall how fast Ground Zero was cleared and how we had the announcements that something bigger was to be built in its stead? The duh1 culture of great, big and fast was in full swing. The first reaction would be to rebuild bigger and better. This culture is to be revised after the latest discovery of human remains at a building site on Ground Zero. The duh!nizens are waking up to the reality of imperfection. Of human flaws. There's nothing wrong in the mistake. There's nothing wrong in admitting that the crews that worked day and night might have missed something out. We know that. We live in Europe - the continent where the only superlatives relate to good food, good time and good living. The duh!mericans would do well to lift a page out of our book and get a bit of Normality Inc. in their lives.

3. Sino-Korean Relations
It seems that China will begin putting pressure on renegade leader Kim Bang Boom of Korea. The leader, formerly much loved in the Socialist Republic of Malta, is expected to bow down to pressure from Beijing failing any appearance by His Domness to placate him.

4. Red Barons
Schumacher, the second evil German with that name after Harald, will bow out of formula one tonight. I am hoping he will bow out losing. Could never stand the chap. i am also hoping that Massa will do well next year.. so you see... it has nothing to do with Ferrari.

5. Juventus
6th win on the trot. Breathing positive air. At this rate they'll be topping Serie A by Xmas.

6. Food
This short roundup ends with a pointer which might be a repetition but hell I am in hurry. Mousel Canteen in Luxembourg. Jarret de porc, feves and all... a divinity. Dedicated to Hubewt "Wasputin" Dalli who insisted on ordering Boffewding in the establishment.

Flights of Convenience

In case you missed it, here's my letter to the Times:

It does not take much to notice that the airports served by Air Malta (the public service carrier) leave a gaping hole in the middle of Europe. Just about in the middle of that hole lies the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg, host to three of the European institutions and a community of 200 plus Maltese.

Thanks to the archaic electoral laws of our country these 200 plus workers will in all probability not be eligible to vote in the next general election. I am not sure that the latter is an inconvenience but insofar as inconveniences are concerned I would like to share a few statistics with readers.

These relate to the time it takes to get to the airports served by Air Malta (add three hours of flight and approximately three hours of waiting/check-in and airport connections to each) from Luxembourg.

It takes you three hours to get to Brussels Airport, four hours to get to Paris and four hours to get to Frankfurt. On a normal trip to Malta via Brussels one would have to leave Luxembourg train station at two in the afternoon to land in Malta International Airport at 11 p.m. (that's nine hours later).

I am glad to note that it is not my predisposition to be a dissatisfied (non)-voter that leads me to remark that the service lies between the unsatisfactory and the non-existent. A number of letters have already appeared in this newspaper lamenting the lack of direct flights provided by Air Malta. I would venture further.

Should any of the planners at the national airline deem the trip to be non-cost effective (which should not really be a consideration in these days of Public Service Carriage) I would suggest that the government issues a new call for LCCs to serve a Frankfurt-Hahn or Metz-Nancy (both one and a half hours away from Luxembourg) to Malta route.

That way we could all "spread our wings and fly".

and here is one by Peter Xuereb on the same matter:

Given that "in a recent interview, MTA chairman Sam Mifsud said that he did not believe the drop in the number of visitors had anything to do with the Maltese product but rather with the fact that the number of flights to the island had gone down, taking away prospective tourists from large markets such as Germany" (Malta Well Liked By Winter Tourists, October 10), it is most surprising that no mention has yet been made of a Ryanair Malta - Frankfurt (Hahn) connection (Ryanair Wants More Routes, October 5). This route would provide prospective German tourists with a low cost/high volume alternative; the Maltese with access to another low-cost hub in Europe; and would directly cover the Luxembourg area, which is evidently underserved (Stranded In Luxembourg, October 2).

Should competition with Air Malta be a major concern, it should be pointed out that, despite its name, Hahn is situated over 130 km (by road) to the west of the city of Frankfurt - which renders the routes in question significantly different.

I'm loving it.

I.M. Jack will not be appearing today since I have just returned from Metz and will be off to the cinema in a few minutes. It will be posted tomorrow.

Public Service Carrier

“Air Malta is ready to compete against low-cost carriers as long as they compete on a level playing field.” - Investment Industry and Information Technology Minister Austin Gatt.

The referee calls the shots. The referee sets out the rules. In this case the rule is that the LCCs have to play with a handicap. What we need to understand is how denying access to all routes for LCCs is considered a "level playing field". What we really need to know is why Air Malta benefits from the description of being a Public Service Carrier - supposedly at the service of the Maltese travelling public, serving routes where the Maltese want to travel - when 80% of the tickets sold in its last marketing campaign were sold abroad. That means that only one out of every five persons travelling on Air Malta is a Maltese Citizen using this Public Service. We will have to just sit and hope that by June 2007 - the date set by the magnanimous PN government for the cutback on the departure tax - these statistics will shift in favour of better use of the public service by the public it is deemed to serve. There are too many contradictions in the current policy.

Glossary:

Public Service Carrier: This concept encompasses the view that the carrier actually provides a service that would otherwise not be provided since it is not commercially viable. It allows a level of protectionism in favour of the carrier in order to allow it to minimise the damages of its operating in an otherwise unprofitable market.

Level Playing Field: A market condition that ensures that all participants are subject to the same rules.

Low Cost Carrier: Airline operating on low costs. This is generally thanks to a special modus operandi like out-sourcing of services, cutdowns on free inflight service and special ticketing systems (such as non-paper tickets).

Label the Nations Day

I thought of a game today. Picture those little warning labels or mini-instruction signs you see on products everywhere. Now think of one particular one and then link it to a country of your choice. Hey Presto... it's "Label the Nation". So J'accuse declares today a "Label the Nation" Day and readers are invited to submit their suggestions. I promise to make a post with all the ideas once we have a good number. Incidentally I am told that the Comments link does not always work in all browsers (Firefox for example - thanks Gary). While we are working on solving the problem I found a roundabout way of posting Comments. You basically link on the Post Title in the archives (Hot Off the Press) section - then you should be able to post comments. Also in a magnanimous move I will also start allowing anonymous comments again. Remember "Stupid is what stupid does".

So here are my ideas to set the ball rolling:

May Contain Traces of Nuts

United States of America

Keep Refrigerated

Iceland

This Side Up

Australia

No Animals Have Been Harmed in the Production of this Film

Malta

Parental Advisory: Explicit Content

Sweden

May Contain Small Parts

Luxembourg

Remember: Objects in the Mirror are actually Behind You

Greece

May Cause Drowsiness

Finland

Danger Explosives

North Korea

Handle With Care

China

Some Serious Nonsense

Luxembourg is hoping that the joint Benelux bid for the 2018 World Cup will put the Grand Duchy on the map. Some countries really have to strive to get some publicity. Others spend dollops of public money on branding and advertising campaigns on international networks like CNN then try to retract the campaign only to find that they cannot. Others decide that the best way to get everyone's attention is by developing a nuclear bomb and not keeping mum about it. Then there are those countries that just never go away no matter how much you wish they would vanish for a while...

One country that will probably be the star of November is Kazakhstan. It's still October and we are almost a month away from Borat's new movie but the Kazakh government is already in the news. First we had the great spelling mistake in the banknotes issued by the Kazakh central bank. More than spelling it was a typographical error as to the proper representation of the letter K. Apparently the one on the notes is reminescent of the USSR.

Then there is the reaction to Borat's guide to America (Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan). The Kazakh tob nobs did not cut too good a figure when they issued an official complaint. Now the Deputy Foreign Minister has done a little bit of backtracking and invited Sacha Baron Cohen over while going so far as saying: "We must have a sense of humour and respect the creative freedom of others." That's two points to Kazakhstan and nul points to the MLP machine that reacted to Tanti Burlesque's cartoons.

Unfortunately Otau - Kazakhstan's largest chain of cinemas - will not show the Borat movie. They consider the movie "offensive, a complete lie and nonsense". Mr Sultanov the distribution manager concluded his justification of the movie shutout with these words:

It's a shame that probably some Americans will probably believe what they see there.

Which makes me wonder. Who is the daftest? The insulted Kazakh or the gullible Duh!merican. They just won't vanish will they? And yet... hope springs eternal.

BBC on Kazakh Banknotes
BBC on Borat and Kazakhstan

Unpacking

There's a thing I have with travelling to Malta. So little time and so many places to visit, so much food to try and so many people to meet. It normally means that blogging is kept to a bare minimum - or to none at all by the standards of my last visit. I try to keep mental notes about all the things I have seen and would have loved to blog about. In the end the mental unpacking is unsatisfactory to say the least. It's just as bad as unpacking a suitcase - I am never that good at it. As I type there are still the little remnants of my last unpacking venture spread on my spare bed. They are disassembled there - bits of wires and chargers, packets of twistees, magazines, t-shirts and other odd flotsam and jetsam that washed off the edge of the jam-packed suitcase and onto my bed. Anyways. Here is a little mental run-through of all that I remember (more or less).

#1 the Wet Toothbrush
A useful item never to be forgotten. The toothbrush is normally packed last since it HAS to be used before the 10 hour journey back home. The only problem is that it stays humid wrapped in its plastic bag till you unpack it to its designated place in your bathroom. In a way it reminds me of Air Malta. Notwithstanding all the criticisms aimed at travelling in and out of Malta, the national carrier remains the most economic way of getting to the island, even if this means leaving Luxembourg six hours before take off. I was pleasantly surprised by the new inflight movie. We got to see "Cheaper by the Dozen" - not normally my choice of flick but still kills off part of the three hour trip. For the price you pay you still get an inflight meal and free-flowing Kinnie. The efficiency of the staff, the quick check-in (Flypass helps) and the drink lead to what always turns out to be a positive flight experience. In my book all that Air Malta needs is to concentrate on what it can do well and free the space for all the rest that is unreachable due to a variety of considerations. Government backed protectivism should not be so tight and if it cannot reach areas like Central Europe (read Luxembourg) it should allow other airlines - like Ryanair - to fill the gap (read Frankfurt Hahn). Otherwise thumbs up for the carrier with the Maltese Cross.

#2 Alka Seltzer
Always in my suitcase. Always first out and back into the Medicine Box. The best remedy for a good night out. Which is what the Notte Bianca promised to be. I could not get there from the start since I had a wedding to go to before. When I did arrive in Valletta around one in in the morning I parked at MCP and walked into the City. There was an interesting buzz in the air. The psychedelically lit gate was ok, the terramaxka playing away under the gate was promising. Throngs of people walked all along Republic Street with no apparent direction. Something was definitely happening at the Opera House since some bloke on the tannoy kept warning people that there was too much crowding and pushing. That is all I saw. I only made it to McDonalds before I was assailed by a negroni aftershock. My fifth one had been too much and I was damned if I would walk any more. So my report has to rely on word of mouth. Such as my parent's account on the goings-on till around 11.30 pm. It seems that the shops that were closed at 1am were also closed earlier on. The long queue outside Castille was also a permanent fixture on the night. Restaurants failed to join the fun and stopped serving food quite early in the night. You get the impression that everyone was just out there to see if it would really happen. Yes people did go to Valletta. Yes people were willing to stay up all night. Only the commercial part of the deal fell through since the businessmen did not feel it necessary to take any risks. Which is a pity. Going to Valletta was like chasing the White Rabbit down some hole.... Better luck next time.

#3 Gluten Free Food
Always part of my suitcase in case I get stuck in some hell hole and some genius decides that everyone can eat sandwiches to make up for the delay. Food is always important and I was looking forward to taking Melanie to the Blue Elephant - supposedly a sans pareil of Thai Cuisine. It's a lovely restaurant. Hat's off to the decorator. You practically have to stop the friendly staff from giving you a free massage as soon as you enter, such is their eagerness to please. Their entrées are an undescribable feast of taste - from the satays to the dim sim to the prawns in rice crackers. Not your run of the mill entry stuff. The mains though? They're good. Just plain good. Nothing extraordinary. A prawn curry will get you six miserly prawns the size of your pinky (I asked and was told that the Chef's orders are a military six per portion). I will not even discuss the duck on a bed of seaweed. Or maybe I will. The duck was passable, the seaweed drowned in a common take-awayish sauce and the accompanying rice was pitiable. Blue Elephant indeed. It may be good to impress, but when I am eating my stomach tends to be more interested in the contents of my plate than in the flora and fauna of the immediate surroundings. Really, if the management at the Blue Elephant want to see what eating good Oriental is like then I would gladly host them to a night out in Luxembourg at the exquisite TAKOBO. Honest. And once we are on the subject of food - whoever thought that sushi is a good take away item should think again. Unless eaten fresh sushi is not sushi. It becomes a rubbery thingy that is only acceptable if drowned in copious amounts of Soy Sauce. Never, ever be tempted to buy those thingys packed in fridges at your supermarket... do you hear me Arkadia and Marks & Sparks?

That's all for now... unpacking is taking its toll on my work rate - maybe more later if I am in the mood.

Budget?

"Ahna m'ghandna l-ebda ideologija jew klassi. Il-bidu u tmiem ta' kull mizura taghna huwa l-bniedem." - Lawrence Gonzi, PM

Hey Man. It's budget time. Tuned in to Radio Malta 2. Just hearing the intro. Clichés and counter-clichés abound. Sounds like a cool song and dance though. Somewhere deep down there is a concern about the future... education, environment and economy. Well... it's time to listen... will criticise later. Will it be a budget deal?

The PM seems to be determined to outline a Sound Future (Gejjieni fis-Sod). Sound indeed... I wonder what tune it will have.

This is not poverty

from Station.lu

Poverty in Luxembourg: STATEC has just released figures on poverty in Luxembourg (today is World Day Against Poverty). In 2005, 13% of the Luxembourg population was affected by poverty; in 2004 only 12.3% were affected. The poverty threshold in Luxembourg is fixed at 1,423 Euros/month income for a single-person household.

For the record €1423 is equivalent to Lm612.95. And just when you begin to justify the high threshold with cost of living you begin to think... Why are most essential items practically the same price in Luxembourg as in Malta? Why does petrol cost less than in Malta? Why does a night out in a restaurant in Malta cost practically more than the equivalent in Luxembourg? Why are the roads in Luxembourg so damn near-perfect while the poor Maltese is constantly taxed for the upkeep of potholes? Why does furnishing an apartment in Luxembourg not cost an eye and a tooth like in Malta? Free health service? - think Caisse Maladie.

Meanwhile it is expected that in today's budget the magnanimous government will compensate cost of living expenses with an additional Lm2.25. That solves the travelling problems then doesn't it?

from the suitcase #1:
Unpacking my thoughts from Malta I remember the news item on the radios last Monday. Some geezer at MZPN was angry that some other labour geezer had suggested that we are getting less tourists because our cigarettes were too expensive. Fair's fair I say. What really miffed me was the "Demand for an Apology" issued by the Mullahs at MZPN. What is that exactly? Apologise or have a blue-eyed fatwah issued by the towers of the blue party line? What ever happened to disagreeing? What happened to pointing out that what the other side said is a load of bollocks and that's that? Can someone please explain what they will get out of requesting an apology? From Islamic Cartoons to Tanti Burlesque to MZPNag... the comedy continues.

This is not J'Accuse

The Prime Minister has said that today's budget will not be an attempt to "buy" votes but rather the product of a government that has succeeded to boost the country's finances.
- The Times of Malta, Wednesday 18th October (Budget Day)