Ghamluha FATTA* - Flyaway Taxes

• Luxair Special offer flight from Lux to Malta,return, .... 139 Euros (c. Lm56) (tax incl.)
• Ryanair flight from London to Riga (yes Riga) .... 25 Euros (c. Lm10) (tax incl.)
• AirMalta Flexifly Scheme... ridiculous complication... no savings ... inconvenient
• Average cost to leave Luxembourg for weekend using Ryanair and including Easybycoach costs (15 euros each way to Frankfurt Hahn) 100 Euros (c. Lm40) and that includes Rome, London, Florence, Venice, Scandinavia...)
• Cost of tax payable by each Maltese traveller (including children) leaving Malta in 13 days time to any destination (including lovely Catania) over 100 Euros (c. Lm40)
• Added cost for a family of two adults and two children per holiday 400 Euros (c. Lm120)
• Whoever came up with adding this additional tax... a bunch of priceless idiots.

The fact that departure taxes shall increase in Malta has been known for quite a while. I cannot stop fuming even though this has less of an effect on me since I live abroad. I have written elsewhere about the importance of travel for islanders. I strongly believe in exposure to other cultures and in the best encyclopaedia of all. Forget your Encarta Cd, just pack up your bags and visit city after city. I am not talking lesiure at resorts here. I am talking about the educational visits to cities in Europe. No matter how much I dislike the Maltese package tour I am sure that a fraction of knowledge is achieved every time a tribe of Package Tour Members descend upon a European city unawares. Long before they find their way to the local suq (market), they will have visited the local sites and maybe, just maybe, heard a few pointers about the history of the place from the poor guide who is forced to travel with them.

As Maltese I believe we treasure our visits to the big cities of Europe (East and West). Every Maltese has a personal To Do List of visits that he or she ticks off enthusiastically after every vacation that tends to cost the equivalent of a month and a half of salary per person. We treasure these visits much more than mainland Europeans who have the luxury of swinging their car round the next border before you can say "departure tax".

Students (and youth in general), more than any other category, should have a god-given right to travel as freely as possible and come back with new ideas and fresh air. I used to laugh when my students at University would ask me if I think that a year abroad is "worth it" since they were scared they would miss the advancement of the shark pool and lose out on one year of work on their CV by going to a foreign University for their post-grad degree. How can you think in that way? What kind of coffee-making, slave-oriented, shit-case pushing job at some multi-surnamed law-firm could give you the experience you could obtain for a year in Bruges, Sussex, LSE, King's and Maastricht to name a few?

It should not just be the Federated Association of Travel and Tourism Agents who should be making last minute pleas to government to repeal a tax that should never have been. KSU, KNZ, and all youth organisations should be taking the lead and squatting at MIA departures until the tax is history. They should be indundating the government with letters and letters of protest. If that is not enough they should start another referendum. Do not tell me that you would not find 30,000 signatures for this cause. And I would go further. I would draft a law declaring the Maltese citizen's right to travel. A law that would clearly state that the right to live in an island like ours implies the right to travel.

No. That is my answer to anyone who might be tempted to tell me that the way I write makes it seem that all outside Malta is nice and golden and that Malta is some kind of prison. I do not mean that. There is black and there is white everywhere. It is just different blacks and different whites and we have a right to know that they exist and to have access to these experiences.

So, let's start.... where do you want to go today?

*Post Scrotum: For non-Maltese readers out there the title "Ghamluha FATTA" is a play on words in Maltese. The phrase means "they took it for granted" while FATTA is also the acronym for the association currently pleading the government for the removal of the tax.... so the phrase could also mean "FATTA did it" (which linguistically is interesting because fatta is Italian for it is done and ghamluha is Maltese for they did it). You can now start throwing the vegetables in my general direction...that is if you can afford the tax to get here.

Increase Your Word Power

I still remember leafing through my mother's old "Reader's Digest" collection as a child. One of my favourite sections was the Increase Your Word Power section which would provide a difficult English word and four alternatives from which to choose the correct meaning. This was a way to enrich your vocabulary through play and since Lorna Vassallo's articles were not yet available to the general public it was as good a pastime as any.

Douglas Adams and John Lloyd had published "The Meaning of Liff" which was a collection of placenames adopted by the authors to describe feelings, emotions, situations and objects which are known and recognisable to all but for which the English language (in all its vastness and flexibility) had not got any terms.

I personally still lay claim to having invented the term "Wankellectual" myself. I can already see it on my tombstone... Here lies Jacques Zammit. Arrogant bastard and inventor (or coinor?) of the term Wankellectual.

Anyways... this brings me to the Washington Post Mensa Invitational Awards. The Post asked readers to take any word form the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one of the letters, and supply a new definition. These are this year's -2005- winners ( adore number 8):

1. Cashtration (n.):
The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Ignoranus:
A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication:
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation:
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.):
The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy:
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti:
Vandalist spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm:
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte:
To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis:
Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis:
A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon:
It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.):
The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido:
All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you
rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit:
The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.):
Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.):
The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

Luxembourg Crime

This, ladies and gentlemenm, is Luxembourg... the safest city in Europe:


News Details
15-JUL-05 Guilty Thief
Yesterday evening around 20:30, a man purchased some cocaine in the station area for his immediate use.

He subsequently took a bus and alighted at the Rue des Muguets in Kirchberg, but not before he grabbed the handbag from the woman seated beside him on the bus.

After approximately three minutes, the man returned to the bus and voluntarily returned the bag and all its contents to the woman. He explained that he had taken drugs which influenced his actions.

Souvenir

Got to Luxembourg by 1230. A series of unfortunate events that will be fully documented by GS tomorrow delayed my settling down until 1400 hours. My better half shuttled me off to Remerschen for a swim in the lake. Interesting concept this lake swimming business. Most interestingly the Luxembourgers pay a 2 Euro 50 cents (Lm1) entrance fee to swim. Can you imagine imposing a similar fee in, let's say, Ghadira? Anyways. I thought I'd show you my favourite souvenir from Malta. A t-shirt with this picture on it. Inspired by Paceville? Who knows....

Non Sequitur #10

In Paceville the average length of a mini-skirt is 3 inches.
In Paceville it is difficult not to have sex on your mind.
In Paceville the taxi-drivers still rule the place.
In Paceville there are more corner shops than there are corners.
In Paceville the streets are drowned by the sound of conflicting types of music.
In Paceville there will never be enough rubbish bins.
In Paceville a park and ride is strongly needed.
In Paceville the day starts at 1800 hours and ends at 0700 hours.
In Paceville the residents don't count.
In Paceville there is enough stuff for all tastes and all kinds.
In Paceville there is a lack of a local council.
In Paceville there are buildings crying out for rebuilding.
In Paceville there is the need of more organised disorganisation.
In Paceville we need more traffic organisation.
In Paceville we need resident's parking.
In Paceville that c**t of my neighbour Joe Agius thinks that I asked for the removal of the resident's parking sign. [A che pro'?.... I'd love to know why the guy has a chip on his shoulder.]

I leave Paceville for Luxembourg at 0730 hours today.
End of the trip.
It was fun.
Will be back again.
Thanks.

The Evil Ideology

The following is the text of the speech delivered by Prime Minister Tony Blair on Saturday, July 16, 2005.

The greatest danger is that we fail to face up to the nature of the threat we are dealing with. What we witnessed in London last Thursday week was not an aberrant act. It was not random. It was not a product of particular local circumstances in West Yorkshire. Senseless though any such horrible murder is, it was not without sense for its organisers. It had a purpose. It was done according to a plan. It was meant.

What we are confronting here is an evil ideology. It is not a clash of civilisations all civilised people, Muslim or other, feel revulsion at it. But it is a global struggle and it is a battle of ideas, hearts and minds, both within Islam and outside it. This is the battle that must be won, a battle not just about the terrorist methods but their views. Not just their barbaric acts, but their barbaric ideas. Not only what they do but what they think and the thinking they would impose on others.

This ideology and the violence that is inherent in it did not start a few years ago in response to a particular policy. Over the past 12 years, Al Qaeda and its associates have attacked 26 countries, killed thousands of people, many of them Muslims. They have networks in virtually every major country and thousands of fellow travellers. They are well-financed. Look at their web-sites. They aren�t unsophisticated in their propaganda. They recruit however and whoever they can and with success.

Neither is it true that they have no demands. They do. It is just that no sane person would negotiate on them. They demand the elimination of Israel; the withdrawal of all westerners from Muslim countries, irrespective of the wishes of people and Government; the establishment of effectively Sharia law in the Arab world en route to one Caliphate of all Muslim nations.

We don�t have to wonder what type of country those states would be. Afghanistan was such a state. Girls put out of school. Women denied even rudimentary rights. People living in abject poverty and oppression. All of it justified by reference to religious faith.

The 20th century showed how powerful political ideologies could be. This is a religious ideology, a strain within the world-wide religion of Islam, as far removed from its essential decency and truth as Protestant gunmen who kill Catholics or vice versa, are from Christianity. But do not let us underestimate it or dismiss it. Those who kill in its name believe genuinely that in doing it, they do God�s work; they go to paradise.

From the mid 1990s onwards, statements from Al Qaeda, gave very clear expression to this ideology.

Every Muslim, the minute he can start differentiating, carries hatred towards the Americans, Jews and Christians. This is part of our ideology.

The creation of Israel is a crime and it has to be erased. You should know that targeting Americans and Jews and killing them anywhere you find them on the earth is one of the greatest duties and one of the best acts of piety you can offer to God Almighty.

Just as great is their hatred for so-called apostate Governments in Muslim countries. This is why mainstream Muslims are also regarded as legitimate targets.


At last year�s Party Conference I talked about this ideology in these terms:

Its roots are not superficial but deep, in the madrassehs of Pakistan, in the extreme forms of Wahabi doctrine in Saudi Arabia, in the former training camps of Al Qaeda in Afghanistan; in the cauldron of Chechnya; in parts of the politics of most countries of the Middle East and many in Asia; in the extremist minority that now in every European city preach hatred of the West and our way of life. This is what we are up against. It cannot be beaten except by confronting it, symptoms and causes, head-on. Without compromise and without delusion.

The extremist propaganda is cleverly aimed at their target audience. It plays on our tolerance and good nature; it exploits the tendency to guilt of the developed world; as if it is our behaviour that should change; that if we only tried to work out and act on their grievances, we could lift this evil; that if we changed our behaviour, they would change theirs. This is a misunderstanding of a catastrophic order.

Their cause is not founded on an injustice. It is founded on a belief, one whose fanaticism is such it can�t be moderated. It can�t be remedied. It has to be stood up to. And, of course, they will use any issue that is a matter of dissent within our democracy. But we should lay bare the almost-devilish logic behind such manipulation.

If it is the plight of the Palestinians that drives them, why, every time it looks as if Israel and Palestine are making progress, does the same ideology perpetrate an outrage that turns hope back into despair?

If it is Afghanistan that motivates them, why blow up innocent Afghans on their way to their first ever election? If it is Iraq that motivates them, why is the same ideology killing Iraqis by terror in defiance of an elected Iraqi Government?

What was September 11 2001 the reprisal for? Why even after the first Madrid bomb and the election of a new Spanish Government, were they planning another atrocity when caught? Why if it is the cause of Muslims that concerns them, do they kill so many with such callous indifference? We must pull this up by its roots. Within Britain, we must join up with our Muslims community to take on the extremists. Worldwide we should confront it everywhere it exists.

Next week I and other party leaders will meet key members of the Muslim community. Out of it I hope we can get agreed action to take this common fight forward. I want also to work with other nations to promote the true face of Islam world-wide. Round the world, there are conferences already being held, numerous inter-faith dialogues in place but we need to bring all of these activities together and give them focus.

We must be clear about how we win this struggle.

We should take what security measures we can. But let us not kid ourselves. In the end, it is by the power of argument, debate, true religious faith and true legitimate politics that we will defeat this threat. That means not just arguing against their terrorism but their politics and their perversion of religious faith. It means exposing as the rubbish it is, the propaganda about America and its allies wanting to punish Muslims or eradicate Islam.

It means championing our values of freedom, tolerance and respect for others. It means explaining why the suppression of women and the disdain for democracy are wrong. The idea that elected Governments are the preserve of those of any other faith or culture is insulting and wrong. Muslims believe in democracy just as much as any other faith and given the chance, show it.

We must step up the urgency of our efforts. Here and abroad the times the terrorists have succeeded are all too well known. Less known are the times they have been foiled. The human life destroyed we can see. The billions of dollars every nation now spends is huge and growing. And they kill without limit. They murdered over 50 innocent people last week. But it could have been over 500. And had it been, they would have rejoiced.

The spirit of our age is one in which the prejudices of the past are put behind us, where our diversity is our strength. It is this which is under attack. Moderates are not moderate through weakness but through strength. Now is the time to show it in defence of our common values.

Friday Snippets

Scrap-book Intro
Following the long posting analysing the literary exploits of LV (who has now been sighted on DI-VE preparing for further cultural explosions - thanks fup), today's post is a round up of snippets of information (useless and otherwise) which normally transform a blogger into an early 19th century scrap-book collector. The best example of the blog as a scrap-book is mill-art, the new blog dedicated to collecting papers from the floor anywhere and posting them for the curious into a blog. Its eventual success will just go on to prove that we live in an age of voyeurism and we are also interested in the rubbish of others. Grillo too had noted that our fascination with recycling is a throwback to the Freudian analysis of a child's fascination with his own faeces.

Purchases at Sapienza

I finally got down to buying the books published by fellow blogger Immanuel and ex-blogger Guze during my obligatory stop at Sapienza's in Valletta. I have only read most of Guze's book until now... Xemx, Wisq Sabiha. It is an interesting exercise in catching up for Maltese literature in general. All in all there is nothing new under the sun (excuse the pun) apart from the fact that stories we are used to in the English language are now available in Maltese. My favourite line (among many) is when two of the characters are discussing whether or not to buy hash on their way to Gozo. One of them answers (my very liberal translation) "Would you take vodka with you if you were going to Russia?" Is Gozo that bad? Other items on the list include a book of Mojo Crosswords for the musical wankellectual (a present for Mark) and Faith in Fakes by Umberto Eco. Finally, one last goodbye to Louis Sapienza... his presence at the shop will be sorely missed by all...

Gozo and St. George

I speed off to my island of hills and hash (as Guze would want it) this evening. I will be visiting the great capital Victoria and will watch the Friday celebrations for the feast of "il-Megalomartri" Gorgi Taghna. I will look forward mostly to the little old-style milkshake vendor to be found under the Banca Giuratale. Will finish off the evening nicely with some gluten-free pasta and fish at my favourite resto in Malta and Gozo... il-Kartell.

Mini Non-Sequitur

Sighted at Gianpula yesterday evening an MIB (man in black) complete with earpiece. Suspected occupation: bouncer. Description: rotundish appearance, baldish and beginnings of a goatee.


The Gentlemen's Sport

Mela. Sliema vs. Sherriff 1-4. Birkirkara vs. Apoel 0-2. Omonia vs. Hibs 3-0. Local football still working wonders as I see. Will have to keep a wide berth of the Cypriots in Luxembourg when I go back. Meanwhile, back where football really counts... the Vecchia Signora has made her first big deal of the summer. Vieira the Giant has been added to Emerson in midfield to form what I hope will be a magnificent duo next season. Also go to the www.juventus.com website to check out the new kits commemorating the 100 years from their first scudetto. Magnificent. As befits the team.

Small note for those who are now urged to type an anti-Juve tirade in the comment (replique) area i suggest an alternative more social activity. Just cut and paste the text below into your email programme and send it to daily@timesofmalta.com . Thanks. (Letter has been edited following bocca's suggestion - quacky replaced with cuckoo)

Dear Sir,

I would like to add my name to the hundreds of others who have probably already written to urge you to grant Lorna Vassallo's request. It would be greatly appreciated if you would allow the esteemed columnist more space in your paper. This would also allow a better balance in the political output of the Times and ensure that we are given (even if only once a week) a proper exposure to pieces of literary quality.

PS. Are you really sure that I.M. Beck needs so much space? Don't you think he is getting too old and cuckoo?

Kind regards

............

The Taming of the Shrew(d)

Dairy Tales

One of my most coveted exports to my Luxembourger flat is the jar of gbejniet tal-bzar (gozo pepper cheeselets) which had been submerged in vinegar and preserved for greater enjoyment later on in the year. The beauty of Gozo Cheese (of the preserved type) is that the more time passes, the better it tastes.

Now � eggs on the other hand. A raw, crude egg is a rough thing already. Once it reaches its sell by date there is only one word for it. Rotten. It stinks. It is useless and only forces you to turn your nose up to it in disgust. A rotten egg can be funny when thrown at someone at a bachelors or hen�s party. Otherwise it is just that � a boring, useless, stinking rotten egg.

That is why my joy at reading the latest literary contribution of Dame Lorna of the Poor to the Times was tripled when I read the metaphorical descriptions included therein. I�d rather smell of gbejniet any day, like a good wine they mature well�

Nobel Truths

So now we have it from the horse�s mouth. Dame Vassallo is a literary sans pareil and while she is decorating the pages of the Times with her literary value we are busy churning our �three-day-old organic waste bin� material. The Nobel Prize for Literature beckons of course � or will the �literary wunderkind� be phoning through some obscure website to claim the prize for herself thanks to her literary lineage? We will wait and see at the edge of our imaginary fence.

The Red Cross

The Italians like to use the expression. E� come sparare sulla croce rossa. Criticising writings like those of the �fairy flitting through the noxious miasma� is a bit of an easy task but I feel duty bound to do so, if only to amuse readers like Fausto who was wrongly quoted in her article (but more of that later). It has already been asked of her whether �She cannot be serious!� It seems that she is, or at least that she takes herself very seriously. She is the literary savant, the torch bearer of feminism and the beacon of democracy all in one. She is democracy�s answer to today�s problems. She is the Times� "shrewd shrew" from the Labour camp.

But let�s to the article and in our usual fashion enjoy the annotations to the literary meisterwerk of the enfant prodige from Labourland. Like the glossators we will gloss and examine the writings that is supposed to cause alarum that there is an invasion of pro-MLP writers.

Snippet One: On Self-Adulation

Dear Editor

Some time has passed since we met for the first time [did he pay her lunch back then?]. I know your trust in me as a member of your team was there from the very beginning [not the best of starts from the Booker Prize aspirant]. It is to this aim that I write to you just to inform you that my articles have had the desired feedback so far [hooray]. I have had so many people come up to me to shake hands [does this include beggars of all shapes and sizes?]. I've had university professors picking up the phone [ara x'wahda din, hawn telefon ma' l-art] and wishing to meet me personally [as against meeting impersonally through some academic ouija board session when the literary fairy is summoned] saying my English has literary value [a very diplomatic phrase indeed]. I've had VIPs asking my opinion about their articles and speeches and I've even been approached by top businessmen who hunted down my e-mail address [is this legal?] just to say "well done"! All these I heartedly thank en masse [is she the whole of the masse?].

On the other hand, apart from an anonymous letter, too threatening to be published anywhere, most of my critics tend to make more noises and publicise their views especially in your own newspaper [confusing ...the audio times of malta]. They tend to still be living in a delirium at the thought of introducing a shrewd shrew from the Labour camp [Delirium, New Street Off triq Il-Kbira - waiting for Godot].

Snippet Two: Critical Danger

But, back to critics, they sometimes include distinguished people (whether acting personally or not) [ok. a distinguished impersonal person or an undistinguished impersonal person or both], university lecturers, part-time university lecturers, a Luxembourger that smells of Gozo cheese (in the same way as I will forever smell of Mgarr eggs) [vide supra] and a number of other faceless didactic garrulous readers [hands up all you didactic garrulous readers out there]. All critics also have something in common - they all tend to play on the other side of the fence politically [which is greener, more coherent and tends to be that tad bit more modest].

The best compliment, however, was not published in your letters pages. It came through a group of chatters who employ their time [I pay my watch Lm1 an hour] writing via blogs, the result of which writings [the result of which writings = poetic license] usually reminds me of a three-day-old organic waste bin on a Maltese sunny afternoon. Otherwise it also reminds me of a cocktail of enzymes and proteins from which what is defined as "venom" (as discovered by Lucien Bonaparte) is produced this time from a collection of human bile [I think she means we do not like her writing].

I don't know, but it must have been either my femininity [erm... no] or my political [erm neither] or literary [erm... naaaaaaaaaah] wunderkind [do you actually possess a wunderkind or are you a wunderkind?] that triggered all this. But, to put it simply, it must have been my natural outright conspicuousness [ a bit better], that never and nowhere leaves me unnoticed [when it leaves her, it leaves her in a flurry of showiness], that has inspired in both my admirers and my critics a constant pet peeve and a fixation to turn me into a bete noire... an iconoclast [yes yes an iconoclast]. I can feel this as I fly above them wreathed in indifference as a fairy would flit [more like shelltox] through a noxious miasma [as against a healthy miasma - or is this dramatic hyperbole?]. The love-hate relationship with your readers [how could we hate you?] tends to attract them to me in the same way as Lucentio was attracted to Catherine [He was not... thanks Maltagirl ... "And in case Lorna happens to read this, I would point out that it was Petruchio who wanted Katerina".

Snippet Three: Miss Quote

And now for her forte... the shrewd shrew from the Labour camp voluntarily misquotes our very own Fausto... here is what Fausto said....

"I've grown to love Thursdays. Not all Thursdays, of course. Just those Thursdays when Lorna Vassallo writes in The Times. And it's not Vassallo's articles I care about; it's Jacques writing about Vassallo's writings."

and now for the literary wunderkind, political beacon and feminist icon....

"It is this that inspired one of my critics to say "I've grown to love Thursdays. Not all Thursdays of course. Just those Thursdays when Lorna Vassallo writes in the Times". Although he did go on to point out other things [other things??? you missed the point... or did you!!!], most of my critics' articles do contain tiring quotes of my articles [for once she is right] ad litteram [a quote tends to be so]."

Snippet Four: Fresh, Original and Entertaining

Apart from the fact that I always write fresh, original articles [phew. thank god... for a moment I thought someone else would get the blame] for your paper (and I do write them myself, believe me [we do Lorna, we do]) and never content myself [content myself ? apokope? elissi? injoranza akuta?] by translating from one language to another, (I swear [did you need to swear?]) I have given this a thought. I even collected statistics for the month of June with regard to contributions to The Times.

End of Snippets

Here the amusing columnist goes on to unilaterally redefine the standards of statistic gathering and analysis. The epitome of the statistical standard is the qualification of pro-party contributors... "that declare themselves publicly as such or pronounce themselves as such, have contested general elections with a party or have been gross financial beneficiaries thereof."

Now Lorna, we take note that you "highly esteem criticism" (sic or ad litteram) and that you do honestly believe that your contribution aids democracy, feminism, literature and labour. We are flattered that you found time to descend from the parnassian heights to explore the lowly depths of blogland (en masse) in the interests of the masses. For this we are grateful and will remain so. Not only that but I urge my fellow bloggers to take up pen and paper and to write to the esteemed editor of the Times urging him to listen to the Dame's plea. I will not turn this into "pounds and shillings terminology", just say please Mr Editor... give her more space.

I will expect in exchange that Miss V will be decent enough to put the address to J'Accuse or any other blog on her article whenever we are even so fleetingly mentioned. It is only fair.

Meanwhile we will go on pleasing our faceless didactic garrulous readers with our bilious cocktails of enthusiastic but amateurish writing. Good luck to Labour... with shrewd writers like these the only way is up.

Post Scriptum

* Thank you to all those who signalled the appearance of this article to me in the first place. Fausto, Maltagirl, Pierre Meilak, Twanny and Bananazzuro, as well as Doctor Antonio Tufigno.

* I also would like to say that I seriously found Lorna's reply decent (and entertaining) unlike for example the retorts from the rightists some time ago. I only regret one thing... that I am labelled as a nationalist. It is a label that is difficult to shed in this country and one that I guess I will have to live with for a long time... more about that in the next blog.

1300 hours: Two Minutes of Silence

Millions of people across Europe are to join Londoners in a two-minute silence, a week after the bombings that killed at least 52 and injured 700.

Malta's two minutes of silence should start at 1300 hours.


(image and news item from BBC Online)

****

Meanwhile on a (very) different note, I wish a happy quatorze juillet to all the French readers of this blog.

Carosello

Andre' Zerafa (now Daddy and Doctor) once told them "GIVE UP!".

They did not take heed, and are playing again at the Alley on the 21st July. If the Floyd can get back together, so can the Nightmare.

ladies and gentlemen... the faux-hippy bourgeois-boheme band par excellence.... Shostakovich's Nightmare!

Il-Mitjar (The Airport)

Time: 0125 am

Place: MIA(Luqa)

Company: Xifer and Mr. Maqluba

While waiting for the dwarf to land on his return from Hibernia we have decided to blog contemporaneously. I am not sure if this is a world first. Will we go down in the annals of history ... When a wishy-washy communist, a multilingual sonnet creator and an arrogant bastard sat down to blog in the middle of MIA?

What to blog about is the question of course... the agreed subject was the airport... or mitjar as the maltesers wanted. That very same airport that was one of the subjects of an arse-licking exercise by Frank Salt on today's Times. He was brought up knowing how to say thank you. In a sordid reminder of the Alanis Morrissette song he embarked upon a thank you government litany which bordered on the sorry and pitiful (like Mark Vella's singing). It was not half as good as any of Antoine Cassar's sonnets. Thank You India, Thank You Gonzi, Thank You Austin, Thank You Thank You....

Why Mr Salt? Why? What is there to thank about so profusely? Am I ungrateful when I reflect that today's politicians no longer represent any shadow of hope for the future we will live in tomorrow? Am I being ungrateful when I worry that today's younger generation are being lost in extremes and throwing away their potential? Am I being ungrateful when I vow to stop voting for any of the parties unless I am genuinely convinced?

The Airport. Malta's gateway to the rest of the world. In no other European Country can the airport bear so much significance than in Malta. It is the lifeline to the outside world. It is the ram that breaks the barriers of insularity. We sit here typing on the rim. This is the twilight zone that wakes us up to the reality that we are not the belly button of the world.

This is where we type this blog...this first recorded contemporaneous blog for the Maltese Islands.

So much for firsts... have a nice flight....

Ilbes is-Seat Belt (ta' wara)

I have not had (and probably will not have) enough time to blog seriously ( I hear the chorus of "Does he ever?" reverberate in my sick ears). A couple of non sequiturs have been thrown in the mix to keep in touch. As many of you may have guessed my incognito trip to Malta has begun. It stopped being incognito when my mother opened the door looking rather shocked and nonplussed by my presence. Surprises made, the necessity of incognito is over. I am here and anyone wishing to meet leave a comment and we will saee. I am in 'dolce far niente' mode and tend to shuttle from Paceville (morning) to Valletta (lunch) to beach (sun) and Paceville (evening & sleep).

The title of this blog refers to an interesting incident with a local warden who flabbergasted me with his insistence that I wear my seat-belt (ta'wara) notwithstanding that I was driving the car (until I understood that his panzer like command was directed to the Bananazzurro seated behind me). I will leave my alter ego Gakbu S to explain the subtle details.

"Oh! Mia Patria!" has begun to be the sigh I make whenever I see the weird and inexplicable stuff my country can still throw at me and any other casual tourist who is unaccustomed to its ways and means. I will try to find the Chorus of Slaves to place it on the site asap... but for now I have to rush off for lunch. [meanwhile for a quick listen to a sample go here]

Meanwhile in the Italian news (which I can receive perfectly on radio from my P-ville flat) they were mulling on the fact that after the London bombings it is manifestly evident that the enemy is within. Optical and digital (as in digitus - finger) recognition of all citizens will not help as much as they expected for the bombwright could be living next door with an EU citizenship of his own, having grown up in your community and might have also attended the same school or gymn as yourself.

"Spies like us" I guess.

Non Sequitur #9

Lupus in Fabula

Non Sequitur #8

Sighted in Republic Street (Valletta) at 1300 hours on Monday July 11th. Borne by man of medium height, rotundish appearance and white beard.

Big brother is watching!

Non Sequitur #7

Mark Anthony Vella
Xifer

Miss Islam

In the name of God. B'ism Allah. Death in the name of religion has been the curse of the ages. The three monotheistic religions have, some time in their history, passed through a period of killing and murder in the name of what they believe. Many comments on the Maltese Blogosphere and beyond have echoed questions which had begun to be asked in 2001 - mainly does killing in the name of a religion make sense? Even worse, who is anyone to declare that the will of a God who is all-loving can be the death of his own creation by the hand of another?

The poignancy of it all is underlined by this article in the Times (UK). Shahera Akther Islam, "a beautiful Muslim woman, as comfortable in high heels and jeans as a traditional shalwar kameez" is one of the missing people. Her uncle, Mr Hasan comments that Ms Islam "would have been filled with despair at the bombings. She would have been horrified and questioned the logic of some of these people. Like most other Londoners, she would have been filled with anger towards the bombers. She loved London, and Britain, to the core".

This story brought to mind the moving Miss Sarajevo song during the Balkan crises of the nineties - another war inspired, among other things by religion.

Will we ever learn?

For the Lord your God is a merciful God; He will not fail you or destroy you or forget the covenant with your fathers which He swore to them.
Deuteronomy 4:31

Is there a time for keeping your distance
A time to turn your eyes away
Is there a time for keeping your head down
For getting on with the day
Is there a time for kohl and lipstick
A time for cutting hair
Is there a time for high street shopping
To find the right dress to wear
Here she comes, heads turn around
Here she comes, to take her crown

Is there a time to run for cover
A time for kiss and tell
Is there a time for different colors
Different names you find it hard to spell
Is there a time for first communion
A time for East 17
Is there a time to turn to Mecca
Is there a time to be a beauty queen
Here she comes, beauty plays the clown
Here she comes, surreal in her crown

The Power of the Blog

�It�s about building common positions, not winning arguments.� This is the informal slogan of the upcoming British presidency of the European Union. I like it. It summarises what I believe should be the underlying element of the new politics of the XXIst century. Some would call me idealistic. They would add this to other idiosyncracies that they have fabricated in the world of sterotypes that they like to believe they do not have.

A recent post by Immanuel Mifsud had the blogging community in a silent ferment. Whether misconstrued or not, the effect of the blog was interesting in itself. I still do not know what inspired Immanuel to define the �crepuscular elite�.

Nor do I understand why I got no answer to the post I typed in reaction. I might be making a mountain out of a molehill here but the solicitation of a number of other bloggers for an answer made me understand that I was not alone in feeling threatened (if that is the word) by this blog of classification. Then there were the first two comments to that post which confirmed my suspicion that the result of IM�s post would be segregation.

I had an afternoon of argument with Mark of Xifer. It is fun to argue with Mark because no matter how much we disagree there is a hidden understanding that outside the argument we can always share a drink together and that I can go on kicking his ass in FIFA 2005 or at pool or at Trivial... the list is endless. Our argument was just about the nature of some bloggers and their politics. It was also about these classifications and categorisations that tend to surface. The argument had no outcome or result. I only learnt that apparently I am Hegelian and that I fail to accept my rightist inclinations. Ah well. That�s strong coming from a wankellectual wannabe commie! (wink wink).

Meanwhile back to the blogs. Blogs are powerful. I have come to accept that. They are a powerful medium and will overtake the opinion columns in newspapers. I don�t mean reporting-wise but opinion-forming wise. Newspapers will go on to spout the latest press release from Reuters, but in the meantime more readers will subscribe to newslines and bloglines and read blogs. And react. Because that is the beauty of the blog. You can react. You can say that what the writer is saying is a load of bull or that you agree.

Ideas are exchanged. Ideas which are shared by many will gather ground. Opinion is formed and molded commonly out of real argument. And it does not matter if you are crepuscular, liberal or just a wanker like me. You have an opinion and so long as you keep out of ad hominem argumentation you can share and improve upon it.

Twanny was worried that the blogosfera would split after IM�s post. He might have perceived this categorisation as one that went too far. I almost agreed. But then upon reflection I understood this was one big wave in the shaping of this pool of ideas. Ideas that do not necessarily have to be the same. Bloggers do not have to agree on everything. It is the WAY of discussing, the WAY of agreeing that we will begin to pass on.

We have to escape from the dualism for the sake of dualism. We have to escape from dichotomous thinking. We have to learn to listen and say. Listen and say. The aim of an argument has to be to reach the common ground. The agreement. There are no victors at the end of a successful argument. On the other hand everyone is a victor.

The power of the blog is great, let�s use it wisely.

May the blog be with you.

Non Sequitur #6

From Commission En Direct (European Commission Newsletter):

Did you know that in 1498 four Roma men joined Christopher COlombus on his third voyage to the New World? Did you know that with the exception of Malta, every EU member state has a Roma population? if you are interested in knowing more about one of the biggest ethnic groups in Europe, now is your chance!

Personal Terrorism

Wounded at the Hotel Hilton Metropole near Edgware Road

On 11th September 2001 and 11th March 2003 two cities were hit by terrorist attacks. I had never been to any of the two cities and therefore no matter how much grief and solidarity I felt with what was happening I could not feel as involved as today. Today, London, that great metropolis which for so long in my childhood was the symbol of non-socialist freedom, has been hit. My first holidays abroad were to London. I remember my childhood fascination with anything from Nelson on his column to the Gypsy Moth in Greenwich. Russel Square is where I used to stay on recent visits and where I researched my LL.D thesis. The tangibility of the place where the attack took place makes the terrorist attack more personal.

There are only two countries for which I would feel such affinity. One is the UK (and particularly London) and the other is Italy. Due to my upbringing it is as though the terrorist bombs were unleashed on a Maltese yellow bus and not on a double decker. The shock and outrage is much greater than any I felt before.

Words can only say so much. This dreadful day for the great metropolis comes a day after the scenes of joy for the success of the Olympic bid. It comes while the great leaders are assembled for the G8 summit (and might shock them into some sense for the need of unity).

We may have had some hesitations about the project of European (Ed. added later) unity but now, more than before, it is clear that the time for delaying is over.

Hatred will not wait for anyone before it rears its ugly head again. The distance and misunderstanding between civilisations could be growing.

Mind the Gap.

Alla destra il bagno, alla sinistra la doccia

Therefore, good Brutus, be prepared to hear:
And since you know you cannot see yourself
So well as by reflection, I, your glass,
Will modestly discover to yourself
That of yourself which you yet know not of.

It is not just the right that rears its ugly head every so often. The left too has its job to do and in its eternal need to justify its rebellious cause it needs to define its enemy and those it needs to overthrow. The "I am a martyr" complex is common to both sides. The enemy is needed to define oneself. I find that it does this all too eagerly and at times slips into the conspiracy theory complex that has been the bane for the socialists in Malta for too long.

Will the left ever learn? Methinks not. Meanwhile I will go on asking... what did he mean by this blog? I thought he was writing about other people until I read the part about the blog from which one feels superior. The vague suspicion of being categorised and classified irritated me. So I had to answer... because even if I was not intended to form part of the class, the mere suspicion triggered by the post made me notice that the post itself was deeply worrying and irritating.

I find such a blog as sad and threatening as our friends here.

"Fil-fond nett ta� qalbhom jistghu jkunu mizerabbli hafna."
What better example of misery than the post itself?

You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot help small men by tearing down big men.
You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatreds.
You cannot blog about an elite without being one yourself.

When the Gods Come Down to Play II

Yesterday evening I was among the lucky persons in Luxembourg who bought tickets for the sold out performance of Warner's production of "Julius Caesar". Having read Maltagirl's superlatives about MADC's performances at San Anton I was beginning to feel that I was missing something from the cultural calendar. This Julius Caesar has been much more than a pleasant surprise. It was more like an epiphany. I am no theatre critic but I do feel that the performance of the seasoned actors was magnificent. The production was impressive. Modern clothes, modern metaphors and modern ambience for a play which I was so ignorant to think was anchored in the past.

Here is the Independent's crit of this production which was rooted at the Barbican and then started a three city tour of Paris, Madrid and Luxembourg. This and this are more crits of the same. Ralph Fiennes as Mark Antony was great. Anton Lesser's Brutus and Simon Russel Beale's Cassius were undescribable. I feel like a child at school trying to use different adjectives not to be repetitive.

This is Theatre. This is Shakespeare. This is what we live for. Why oh why can't I find another ticket....!!!

Swing Low Sweet Charter Flight

Have you read the news today?

From today's Independent Online:

"Britain and four other large EU countries will organise joint charter flights to return illegal immigrants to their home countries.

The idea - suggested by Spain - was accepted by Charles Clarke, the Home Secretary, and France, Italy and Germany, at a meeting at Evian on the French shore of Lake Geneva yesterday.

"The five largest EU countries are going to organise planes to take illegal immigrants home," said the French Interior Minister, Nicolas Sarkozy, who chaired the meeting.

Giuseppe Pisanu, the Italian Interior Minister, said planes would tour the five countries picking up citizens from a single country of origin. Police from the five countries would join the flight. The first charter would leave "in a matter of days", Mr Pisanu said.

(...)

There will be joint naval patrols in the Mediterranean and joint missions by two or three EU countries to countries such as Romania and Albania to try to discourage people from leaving without visas or work permits.

The five countries also agreed in principle to harmonise future requirements on "biometric" identity cards, to make them easier to read by police across the EU and more difficult to forge. The principle of "bio-metric" reading of documents should perhaps be extended to driving licences across the EU, they said.

M. Sarkozy suggested that Poland be invited to join the group to encourage co-operation on crime, terrorism and immigration within the EU."

From today's Times of Malta:

"Labour home affairs spokesman Gavin Gulia said the European Union was being insensitive to the problem of illegal immigrants being faced by Malta. Dr Gulia referred to the funds awarded by the EU to Malta, Italy and Libya, and which amounted to just above Lm400,000 shared between the three countries.

"These funds are miserly when compared to the big problem our country is facing," Dr Gulia said. He pointed out that double the number of migrants had reached Malta's shores this year compared to last. The Labour spokesman said it was unfair of international human rights organisations to chide Malta when the country was simultaneously being refused moral and material support from the EU in dealing with the problem.

Dr Gulia added that the best aid that the EU could provide was by roping in other countries to share the burden by taking up some of the immigrants reaching our shores, especially in light of the fact that Malta was only a transit country and not the real destination for illegal immigrants."

So... who's going to tell Gavin?

My guess is that the Charter Flight will never stop in Malta because:

a) the Nationalist government has not discovered the Evian meetings yet,

b) we have a bunch of inert vegetables representing us in parliament who are good at complaining and begging but no good at getting results,

c) Safi is too far from Luqa and it would cost us too much money to transport illegal immigrants to the airport,

d) airport tax is too high

e) it would seem that Norman Lowell has won,

f) we are not large.

On a more serious note. Don't news items like the one on the Independent kill you? Did we join the European Union or not?

We like fisheries my arse!

Mind Over Matter

Editorial Note: I apologise to regular readers of my blog for having to read this kind of post. I promise this will probably be the last time I deal with this matter but some things cannot go unanswered.

A guy going by the nick of europ�en has recently been very prolific on a right-wing Maltese forum on the internet. This forum has a thread dedicated to my blog (and reactions thereto) ever since I had the 'audacity' to write about Stormin' Norman's adventures in the Maltese court following his libel case.

Now I for one believe in freedom of speech and will stand up for the right of anyone to disagree with me openly. I would even tend to disagree with others who are of the opinion that the freedom of speech should be curtailed in certain cases. Unless there is an incitement to hatred, incitement to violence or incitement to perform illegal acts I believe that the rule of 'publish and be damned' should be followed.

We cannot commit the mistake of placing all 'contributors' to the forum in question in the same basket. The thread dealing with my blog is a case in point. I understand that some contributors were rightly irked by my stand taken on the issue and I also read with interest the various reactions. It is there that the sorting begins. Although one of the moderators claims later in the thread that the forum does not admit ad hominem arguments it is difficult to find any among the tirade of insults and fabrications that adorn the thread which are not ad hominem.

It took the forum some time to notice that I am not a translator but a lawyer. I have been described as a personal advisor to Arnold Cassola and friend of the Greens (in which case Arnold I should be sending you the bill by now). There was a slight deviation consisting of an assault on all things Jesuit based on my upbringing at good old SAC. One cannot help but be amused. As I have had occasion to say before, I understand the frustration with Maltese politics in general and this can cause weird twists like this forum where extremes (and so-called extremists) meet. Sadly their will for change is being translated into negative power and potential is being frittered away.

I repeat, I have nothing against the forum although I disagree with most of its content. Europ�en on the other hand is another matter altogether. Here are his posts from the forum�.

Europ�en
I know this Jacques Rene' Zammit. He is 100% Maltese, so will someone please modify the title of the thread? It gives the impression that France is somehow acting against Norman Lowell. Now, a personal comment about this wanker Zammit (Am I allowed to use this word, Mods?). He is among the top 5 most pretentious bastards I have ever met. His best buddy is Antonio Tufigno (a lawyer), of "Shostakovich's Nightmare" fame. For those of you who are not Maltese, this is an "alternative" band, made up of stinking faux-hippie bourgeois-boheme types. And he is a lawyer, and a lecturer at the University of Malta too. Or at least he was, until he left for Brussels or wherever. The fact that he was educated at a Jesuit College is neither here nor there. I myself had such an education, and I don't think it turned me into a Third-Worldist leftwing hippie. Some of you might ask why all the people I know seem to be pretentious wankers. I don't know.

Europ�en
That's the problem. I was considered as a hamallu by the toffs, and as a toff by the hamalli. And yes of course I didn't live up to their expectations. I can remember a talk we had in Form 2. Fr. Pierre Grech Marguerat was going on about how colonising and western imperialism is responsible for Africa's current problems, showing us a map of Africa full of straight-line frontiers where the evil western Empires divided it up among themselves, etc. And I stood up to challenge that view. In vain, of course, since the present-day right-wingers were among those hamalli who didn't give a shit about anything at the time. Most of those hamalli are now lawyers, doctors, and general millionaires by the way. So it wasn't at all an elitist school, as some of you seem to think. This Jacques-bloody-Rene-may-the-plague-be-upon-him-Zammit belonged to that strong minority of self-satisfied intellectual glitterati, even when he was a schoolboy, the ones who looked down on people like me. The fucker.

Europ�en
He wasn't a teacher though, and he didn't work there. Anyway, all Church schools in Malta, Jesuit or not, I presume, are run on Catholic lines, so that includes welcoming refugees and generally being charitable to everybody etc. You people seem to have an anti-Jesuit fixation.But I have gone totally out of point here. I was talking about my personal hatred for Jacques Rene Zammit.

By the way, could any legal expert among you tell me if all this is illegal?

I don't want to be sued by Zammit because I can't afford it.

Not so funny is it? I have no idea who this kid is. All I can tell is that he is a frustrated 24-year old who seems to bear some grudge against me. The anonymity afforded by the site must have encouraged him to express himself in this manner. The unsigned message must give him courage. Honestly, all this glitterati bull has me baffled. I do not recall having much time to look down on anyone at school� especially since I had the impression of being looked down upon most of the time considering my height!

Anyway. Monsieur Europ�en. First of all, I find your nick quite a sad choice. You sound like anything but an open-minded European. I'm sad that you do not like Shostakovich's Nightmare, they could be quite good on a good night� after a few beers� when Tufigno is really rocking. Actually I agree that he did pass through a phase of faux-hippyism and I am sure he would love your bourgeois-boheme description� especially if you added along the Belti tag!

Meanwhile I suggest you vent your frustration elsewhere. I find a Play Station game quite apt for such matters (currently playing Shadow of Rome). You should keep good constructive arguments for posts. Don't fall into the trap of insults and accusations� that's old politicians work and if I am not mistaken even your Mr Lowell claims to want to bring our Melita to a new era away from how old politicians work.

As to your last questions.

Is it illegal? Yes
Can I sue you? Yes
Will I sue you? No
Why? It is mind over matter�I don't mind because you don't matter.
(I would spend the money saved from the lawsuit on Shadow of Rome� trust me on that one)

Next beer is on me! (I'll have a Kinnie)

...and it's not this wanker Zammit but this wankellectual. It's different.

Wied Qirda

"I will gather together all nations, and will bring them down into the valley of Josaphat: and I will plead with them there for my people, and for my inheritance Israel, whom they have scattered among the nations" (Joel, iii-Heb. text, iv)

The name of Wied Qirda has always intrigued me. The root q-r-d in our language is the root of all words meaning destruction. Teqred - to obliterate (unless of course it means to moan but I do believe that is metaphorical � correct me please if I am wrong), to destroy - like Scipio in Carthage (Delenda Est Cartago), like the Americans in Babylon. So Wied Qirda is our very own valley of destruction. [I would be grateful to pointers as to the origin of this toponym (incidentally Bill Gates has no clue as to the meaning of "toponym" � it is underlined in red as I type).]

The biblical Valley of Josaphat is the valley of the desert of Teqo'a, which was called by the Jews �m�q Ber�k�h (hemmhekk imbierek?), that is, "valley of blessing", is to be sought in the vicinity of the Khirbet Ber�k�t, some distance to the west of the Khirbet Teq�'a (about eleven miles from Jerusalem). It is also credible that the prophet meant to designate an ideal, indeterminate valley -- the valley of judgment, and no more -- for Josaphat signifies "Jahveh judges". This valley is, in fact, spoken of under the name of "valley of destruction" (A. V. valley of decision") in verse 14 of the same chapter. According to the context, the Divine judgment will be exercised upon the nations who afflicted Juda and Jerusalem at the time of the captivity and the return from exile.

Two souls were lost to in our Valley of Destruction on Monday. The St. Joseph's Fireworks Factory went up in flames and took the lives of two men in the process. "Clouds of toxic fumes from the burning explosives, chemicals and plastic were strewn all over the fields, where people were seen running out of buildings to see what had happened." At this point, the loss of life shrouds the blatant need of criticism, the need to call for strict safety measures and procedures. Such calls would be ridiculed by the "namrati tan-namur" (which I can only translate as the hobby lovers). The fireworks saga, like that of the hunters, is one of the Gordian Knots that constantly plagues Maltese society. In-namur and it-tradizzjoni (hobby and tradition), resist regulation and change. Safety is sacrificed on the altar of pleasure and lives (whether human or bird � and this is in no way an exercise of comparison) are lost.

If we are so obsessed with our cravings so as to be unable to see the dangers and destruction that they carry along with them I am afraid that we fail to understand the original message. When the words "Life is Beautiful" fail to make their mark, then we deserve to march alone in the Valley of Destruction.

There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you." I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin': it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. .45 here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin, Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.

Another Summer Knight

Dame Lorna writes to the Times:

Fake knights
Lorna Vassallo, Msida.

I refer to the letter by Fra John Edward Critien.

May I remark that I am highly interested in knowing more about the role of the Order of St John today (as against tomorrow). What really worries me is the fact that what he calls "other soidisant (what a nasty name) orders unfortunately bearing more or less the same name but having no connection with it at all" are tolerated by the Order especially due to the fact that they are politically inspired clubs, allowing their members to apply via internet for their "title" and whose members are running around calling themselves "chevalier". Shouldn't the Order do something about these impostors? (Why?)

I know of someone who became a member of such a group against her will - because she attended one of the meetings (Eyes Wide Shut) with a friend. Someone else told me there are masonry clubs, the laughing stock of any person in his right mind, who call themselves knights (the laughing stock of any person in his right mind, who call themselves knights... still do not understand this). In the laws and jurisprudence dealing with trade names any company which uses another company's name for any reason can be sued (lets trademark the Order). Another crime is to give misleading information to the public. Criminal law also contemplates fraud (fraus Lorna corrumpit). Shouldn't the Order, at least, control such "fake" groups who speak as if they were its members, ridiculing it?

The good thing is that I think I've done my job (tsk tsk) in trying to attract Fra Critien's attention to these "fake" chevaliers, having political motives in mind, speaking about the "Grand Master" as if he were their brother. These people are an insult not only to the Order but also to the public. And I ask: Do they wear the eight-pointed cross on their chest? (or is it a huge wonderbra?) Because that is what I was told by the "chevalier" who insisted on me becoming a member. How far does the Order tolerate such groups? I don't expect the Sovereign Military Hospitaller Order - an entity enjoying representation in the UN - to let its distinguishing cross (I want a distinguishing cross too!) be worn by anyone who would like to impress others by parading it in religious processions (Is that why the Dame applied?). As to that, re-enactments would be doing much more justice - at least they show it is just an act.

As to meeting Fra Critien I would be more than pleased if the contacts were made, perhaps through the editor, as I do think that the real Knights of St John deserve merit especially due to their great contribution to our history.

HEAD KNIGHT: Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee!

ARTHUR: Who are you?

HEAD KNIGHT: We are the Knights Who Say� Nee!

ARTHUR: No! Not the Knights Who Say Nee!

HEAD KNIGHT: The same!

BEDEVERE: Who are they?

HEAD KNIGHT: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Nee, Pang, and Nee-wom!

RANDOM: Nee-wom!

ARTHUR: Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!

HEAD KNIGHT: The Knights Who Say Nee demand a sacrifice!

ARTHUR: Knights of Nee, we are but simple travelers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods.

HEAD KNIGHT: Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee!

ARTHUR and PARTY: Oh, ow!

HEAD KNIGHT: We shall say �nee� again to you if you do not appease us.

ARTHUR: Well, what is it you want?

HEAD KNIGHT: We want� a shrubbery![dramatic chord]

ARTHUR: A what?

HEAD KNIGHT: Nee! Nee!

ARTHUR and PARTY: Oh, ow!

ARTHUR: Please, please! No more! We shall find a shrubbery.

HEAD KNIGHT: You must return here with a shrubbery or else you will never pass through this wood alive!

ARTHUR: O Knights of Nee, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery.

HEAD KNIGHT: One that looks nice.

ARTHUR: Of course.

HEAD KNIGHT: And not too expensive.

ARTHUR: Yes.

HEAD KNIGHTS: Now� go!

Non Sequitur #5

Guidelines for Displaying the Flag (Happy 4th of July)

1. The flag of the United States should be flown daily from sunrise to sunset in good weather from public buildings, schools, permanent staffs, and in or near polling places on election days. The flag may be displayed 24 hours a day on patriotic holidays or if properly illuminated.

2. The flag should not be displayed on days when the weather is bad, except when an all-weather flag is used.

3. The flag should always be flown on national and state holidays and on those occasions proclaimed by the President. On Memorial Day, the flag should be half staffed until noon.

4. The flag should be hoisted briskly and lowered ceremoniously. It should never be dipped to any person nor should it ever be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress.

5. The flag should never touch anything beneath it, nor should it ever be carried flat or horizontally.

6. It should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, drapery, or decoration, nor for carrying or holding anything.

7. The flag should never be fastened, displayed, used, or stored in such a manner as to be easily torn, soiled, or damaged. It should never be used as a covering for a ceiling.

8. The flag should not be draped over the hood, top, sides, or back of a vehicle. When a flag is displayed on a car, the flag's staff should be fixed firmly to the chassis or clamped to the right
fender.

9. The flag or its staff should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever. Nor should any picture, drawing, insignia or other decoration be placed on or attached to the flag, its staff, or halyard.

10. The flag should not be embroidered on cushions, handkerchiefs, or other personal items nor printed on anything designed for temporary use and discarded. However, a flag patch may be affixed to the uniform of military personnel, firemen, policemen, or members of other patriotic organizations.

11. When the flag is so worn or soiled that it is no longer suitable for display, it should be destroyed in a dignified manner, preferably by burning.

The local dry-clean was shut for the holiday...

so Ahmed dispensed with the soiled flag in the most dignified manner possible.

In Absentia

I do have a little to talk about regarding my weekend spent camping in l�Alsace (Burnhaupt le Bas to be exact - ghal dawk li huma moghnija b�karta geografika). However, as I am just out of the shower after a three and a half-hour drive on highways running parallel to the Alsatian Route des Vins I will limit myself to noting what has been going on webwise (and not) in my absence and leave the more clever kind of blogging to when I am less exhausted.

Here goes:

They seemed not to like my blog. He told me about it. She finally stopped complaining and put this act together on the net. He criticised it after dropping out. They have started this which has absolutely nothing to do with this even though it mimics the language. They kept on boating in. The others voted overwhelmingly for the constitution. It happened and included their reunion.

Phew... and there I was thinking being away from it all would be relaxing. Erm.

Actually...

It was.

It�s nice to be back though.

Out of Office

YOU HAVE REACHED THE BLOG CALLED J'ACCUSE WHERE EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE AND YET IT'S NOT ENOUGH.

I'M AFRAID JACQUES IS AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND TRYING TO CAMP IN ALSACE.

SHOULD YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY CLICK ON THE "REPLIQUE" BELOW AND IF IT IS INTERESTING ENOUGH YOU WILL GET AN ANSWER WHEN I GET BACK ON SUNDAY.

HAVE A NICE WEEKEND.

Thar She Blows

Readers of this blog will have noticed that something was amiss yesterday when I failed to report on the latest oeuvre d'art of Mme Vassallo protector of the poor. We were all worriedly wondering why the Dame of the Poor had vanished, and having combed through the Times online edition without any sign of the Socialist answer to Mother Theresa we had begun to resign ourselves to the early demise of the writings of the communist columnist with a heart.

Thanks to Pierre Meilak, Vassallo's outpourings have been sighted on another paper which (fortunately) is not often perused by yours truly. By some metempshychotic manifestation what was not on the Times on Thursday appeared in red glory on Friday. Even more metaphysically and coincidentally, while I was blogging about genes and genomes, Vassallo was having Hamletic disquisitions as to her allegiance within the heart of Socialist Malta and comparing such to choice between pa and ma.

That pa and ma in question happen to be KMB and Freddy S (Who's the daddy?) made the article readable on the whole. I must say that Lorna's Maltese (or that of the correctors at orizzont) make the article much less of an entertaining experience than her English crusades of past. It is with sadness however that we note that this new generation politician of the labourite ilk makes her policy choices on the basis of persons (ad personam) and not on the basis of the most convincing argument.

Yep! Being in favour of the ratification of the constitution or against does not depend on any reasons political. Ah no.... it all hangs on whether you want Freddy to be your Daddy...

Till next blog... hope you all have a whale of a time!

Non Sequitur #4

According to the Human Genome Project, we have 25,000 genes in our body. This is equivalent to the number of genes that Arabidopsis Thaliana has. Arabidopsis Thaliana is a plant. Above is a whole genome view taken from www.arabidopsis.org a site dedicated to the study of the plant and its genes.

Common names for Arabidopsis Thaliana:

English: Wall cress; mouse-ear cress
German: Schmalwand,
G�nsekraut, Thal's G�nsekresse
French: arabette rameuse, arabette des dames
Spanish: arabide
Dutch: zandraket
Danish: g�semad
Norwegian: v�rskrinneblom
Hungarian: l�df�
Polish: rzodkiewnik
Japanese: shiro-inu-nazuna