Another Summer Knight

Dame Lorna writes to the Times:

Fake knights
Lorna Vassallo, Msida.

I refer to the letter by Fra John Edward Critien.

May I remark that I am highly interested in knowing more about the role of the Order of St John today (as against tomorrow). What really worries me is the fact that what he calls "other soidisant (what a nasty name) orders unfortunately bearing more or less the same name but having no connection with it at all" are tolerated by the Order especially due to the fact that they are politically inspired clubs, allowing their members to apply via internet for their "title" and whose members are running around calling themselves "chevalier". Shouldn't the Order do something about these impostors? (Why?)

I know of someone who became a member of such a group against her will - because she attended one of the meetings (Eyes Wide Shut) with a friend. Someone else told me there are masonry clubs, the laughing stock of any person in his right mind, who call themselves knights (the laughing stock of any person in his right mind, who call themselves knights... still do not understand this). In the laws and jurisprudence dealing with trade names any company which uses another company's name for any reason can be sued (lets trademark the Order). Another crime is to give misleading information to the public. Criminal law also contemplates fraud (fraus Lorna corrumpit). Shouldn't the Order, at least, control such "fake" groups who speak as if they were its members, ridiculing it?

The good thing is that I think I've done my job (tsk tsk) in trying to attract Fra Critien's attention to these "fake" chevaliers, having political motives in mind, speaking about the "Grand Master" as if he were their brother. These people are an insult not only to the Order but also to the public. And I ask: Do they wear the eight-pointed cross on their chest? (or is it a huge wonderbra?) Because that is what I was told by the "chevalier" who insisted on me becoming a member. How far does the Order tolerate such groups? I don't expect the Sovereign Military Hospitaller Order - an entity enjoying representation in the UN - to let its distinguishing cross (I want a distinguishing cross too!) be worn by anyone who would like to impress others by parading it in religious processions (Is that why the Dame applied?). As to that, re-enactments would be doing much more justice - at least they show it is just an act.

As to meeting Fra Critien I would be more than pleased if the contacts were made, perhaps through the editor, as I do think that the real Knights of St John deserve merit especially due to their great contribution to our history.

HEAD KNIGHT: Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee!

ARTHUR: Who are you?

HEAD KNIGHT: We are the Knights Who Say� Nee!

ARTHUR: No! Not the Knights Who Say Nee!

HEAD KNIGHT: The same!

BEDEVERE: Who are they?

HEAD KNIGHT: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Nee, Pang, and Nee-wom!

RANDOM: Nee-wom!

ARTHUR: Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!

HEAD KNIGHT: The Knights Who Say Nee demand a sacrifice!

ARTHUR: Knights of Nee, we are but simple travelers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods.

HEAD KNIGHT: Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee!

ARTHUR and PARTY: Oh, ow!

HEAD KNIGHT: We shall say �nee� again to you if you do not appease us.

ARTHUR: Well, what is it you want?

HEAD KNIGHT: We want� a shrubbery![dramatic chord]

ARTHUR: A what?

HEAD KNIGHT: Nee! Nee!

ARTHUR and PARTY: Oh, ow!

ARTHUR: Please, please! No more! We shall find a shrubbery.

HEAD KNIGHT: You must return here with a shrubbery or else you will never pass through this wood alive!

ARTHUR: O Knights of Nee, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery.

HEAD KNIGHT: One that looks nice.

ARTHUR: Of course.

HEAD KNIGHT: And not too expensive.

ARTHUR: Yes.

HEAD KNIGHTS: Now� go!