lundi, juillet 17, 2006

Lorna vs Daphne (I)

Arcibald pointed out this letter in today's Times that had escaped my attention. I do not make it a habit of reading the Times of Malta letters - the only letters pages I like are to be found on the Economist or on the Times (UK). I just hope that Daphne's letter does not have a detrimental effect on future possible appearances of Thank God It's Lorna in the Times. We have got used to the TGIL columns... and we want more, more, more.

The letter, one that will surely (and hopefully) provoke a reaction from the Dame of the Gramatically Incorrect [our highlights as usual - just to act with impartiality of course]:

A Brighter Side to Writing
Is Lorna Vassallo real, or is her column a spoof ? [Daphne... you need to see] Whichever it is, she has a cult following, for all the wrong reasons [I think my reasons are very right. We live to take the piss... or as this blog's motto goes "ludendo castigat mores"]: tangled arguments [tangled? why?] expressed with pompous self-confidence [I think Daphne did not read the Thank God It's Lorna article] in garbled grammar and gobbledeegook [Latest research shows that gobbledeegook is an actual and living language spoken in political quarters and among the aspiring wankellectual illiterati]. Her writing is so bad that it's wonderful [a bit like Brasil's football team this World Cup]. The latest piece was particularly delightful, and cheered me up no end on a rather dull morning.

"'I' has lived in me for the last 30 years or so by now and knows no other body but mine. My mind operates in female packaging, adapts reflexes and movements for female attire and reacts in a female way to both fellow females' and males' actions and remarks," it began. I suppose she meant to say that because she's a woman, she thinks, dresses and reacts like one [Yes Daphne, this is what the critics of Lornese call pompotautolofabrication - the expression of obvious facts through the conjuring up of complex, non-sensical phrases assuming a pompous / proto-wankellectual / patronising tone]. Well, that's a novel concept [Haven't you heard any of our politicians speak English?].

Please carry on publishing her work [Hear! Hear!]. The only people who will be cross with The Times are those who struggle to teach Maltese students how to write, and who are obliged to fight their way through stacks of examination papers written in pompous and convoluted Lorna-ese [considering the subject it would be more like Lorn-plicated - apologies for the sad joke].

Thank you for brightening up my Thursday mornings [Yep! Thank God It's Lorna].
Daphne Caruana Galizia

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