San Bastjan tal-fildiferru! (TGIL)

And back to TGIL. It's Lorna day though today we have been let down. I may not be in the mood but today's string of "statistics" and analysis of libel cases intended to portray Dr Sant as the unlibelable and Dr EFA as the sleaze master in politics are not half as exciting as Lorna's usual forays into subjects various. Be that as it may a few bloomers do flower in the article and the first paragraph immediately presents us with Lornisms of the prettiest kind:

"In my last article I dealt with libel cases since 1992, most of which were decided cases. I discussed the success rate of each of the two main political parties at libel cases and how much their verbal inaccuracies or otherwise cost them, with a bracket on who sued whom. Facts spring out so naturally that no further comments are needed for the "average reader", mentioned so many times during libel cases."

Don't you just love the phrase "verbal inaccuracies or otherwise"? Doesn't the thought of "Look who's talking" spring to your mind so naturally? Don't you just love the floweriness of her descriptions? Take her picture of libel cases: "These are always flashy and interesting and not easily forgotten." Last I heard, an enterprising individual was tying the dossier of a libel case onto the ceiling of a nightclub…

This biblical review undertaken by the Grammar Dame commences "as early as 1992". Really? … as early as that? She makes the date sound as vintage as Colombus' 1492. She insists on having the MLP sound as some kind of victor in this tête-à-tête because they lost 13 cases while PN lost 10. Incredible – what politics can do to perspective.

The crux and point of her whole epic saga on libel is explained in her descriptions of the Hero. Alfred the Kind and Martyr: "The man seems to be the local political St Sebastian, shot at by too many arrows but never actually being killed by them. Worth mentioning is another ongoing and, therefore, undecided case concerning Dr Sant's arrival at the counting hall on EU referendum day.Dr Sant also stands out as a man quite capable of watching his words. Two cases were filed against him personally." Sanctus Sanctus Sanctus.

"Libel cases are becoming more and more popular." Get your libel case here now!

I must protest. This is not fair. We wait for over two weeks for Lorna to provide us with her dose of knowledge wisdom and razzle-dazzle and all we get is a set of statistics. I cannot wait till she reverts to her usual self. Can someone please take her out to lunch? Can some voluntary organisation stop her at Valletta Gate and ask her for money? Quick…before it's too late and all that talent goes to waste.

And let's hope that Hogan doesn't get too excited with all this mention of libel.

Picture: Alfred Sant get's an arrow too many!

Title translation: St Sebastian is made of gauzewire (not sure if it is gauze-wire but some kind of wire anyway). A phrase sung (sillily) by supporters of St George in Qormi, making fun of St Sebastian (patron of their rivals). The full song goes "Ram u Hadid..... San Bastjan tal-fildiferru" and is thought to originate in appreciations of the works used to make titular statues. Has degenerated further into graphic descriptions of other patron saints - e.g. "Santa Liena mara-ragel".