I.M. Jack - fifth edition

I.M. Jack - the weekly round-up on j'accuse

1. Revolutions
Hungary and Thailand, two unrelated nations both had their domestic political upheaval. A late evening coup in Thailand took advantage of the absence of the PM (attending UN talks) to declare martial law. The military heads remain loyal to the King and declared a transitional government that would guarantee a return to a democratic monarchy. Pressure kept growing on Hungarian PM Ferenc Gyurancsy to resign after he had admitted in a leaked private speech that his government had lied in order to seek re-election. Oddly enough none of MZPN, FZL, SDM or Pulse have issued statements of solidarity with the pariah PM.

2. Crash
The crash of a high-speed German maglev train shocked hopes that this technology would becme more popular in the future. The accident that caused the death of 23 people who had paid eighteen euros each to be part of a trial trip was most probably caused by human error. It was travelling at around 200km/h before crashing into a maintenance vehicle that had been left on the track.

3. Boom
35 people were killed in a car bomb attack on a kerosene tanker in Iraq. Most bombing victims were women queuing for cooking fuel to use throughout the holy month of Ramadan. The bombing occured in the mainly Shia district of the capital Baghdad.

4. Bang
The Non-Aligned Movement - a hodge-podge of dictators and renegade leaders met in Havana Cuba and continued to rattle their guns in the direction of the only missing renegade dictator . Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro and his brother Raul as well as Robert Mugabe refused to comment when asked whether George Dubya would soon be admitted into their fold following his efforts in recent years.

5. Independence
Maltese politics continued its great unstoppable pace into the twenty-first century with a great show by the PN demagogues at the Floriana Granaries. Their speeches were fuelled by comments made by strategic mastermind Jason Micallef, pragmatic precisionist Alfred Sant and anything that could be a throwback to the rebellious eighties when the future was bright, the seas cleaner and peanut butter was still a commodity.

6. Slim Lady
Catwalks from Milan to Spain have rebelled against the thin waif kind of models. They are a bad example to today's youth and therefore new rules now require a minimum Body Mass Index. The new code will protect young models from anorexia and exploitation. The news was received with joy by millions of men all over the world who would prefer your average Malena to your average Victoria Beckham any day. The J'accuse editorial board has resisted any cheap comment or jibe at George Pullicino. We feel he has enough in his hands already... and around his waist for all that matters.

7. Bugger
Italy has passed a decree banning the use of illegally tapped telephone conversations in the media and as evidence in court. This news comes a little too late for the Italian giants Juventus. "The moral duty was to guarantee that the sacredness of democratic life is not in doubt" crooned Clemente Mastella. Yes. And also to ensure that juries are not conducted in public before they are in court and to ensure that public lynchings of oversuccessful persona or clubs will never happen again. And we are not talking about the guilt but about the penalty inflicted.

8. 4
Sports in the sign of four. On Saturday both Valletta and Juventus ensured emphatic victories against lowly opposition. The City beat St. George's 4-1 with Sebastian Montesterolo scoring a hat-trick to rush to the top of the scorers table with 10 goals. Juventus put 4 past Modena with David Trezeguet also shooting to the top of the scorer table while Alex Del Piero is now one goal short from reaching the 200 goal target. Elsewhere in the clash of the desperates Rigetta succumbed to a lacklustre Crespo goal. The race for the faulty scudetto is still on. Our money is still all on Palermo.

9. Food
No great signs in the sky of gourmet fancy. I'd love to tell you where you can get a magnificent little container full of foie gras de canard but since most of you are not within comfortable walking distance from a Delhaize outlet I will pass. Anyway, it's delicious on toast and butter...

A plus!