Lucraty Farts

Of course the word "lucraty" does not exist. Though you must admit that it's a tad bit funky and could soon be jazzed up to be the latest byword of the nashinalist party. Anyways it does serve its purpose to help elevate the word "farts" to the second part of a phrase that sounds very much like "lucrative arts" ... but isn't. A bit like what the nashinalist government, bereft of all ideas cultural seems to be achieving. The pee enn people are very very good at selling. Or at least they used to be. They can package an idea into a nice flashy parcel and before you can say "departure tax" you'll be voting for a shiny happy Malta again.

The huge flushing that hangs over Malta like the sword of damocles is designed to remove any semblance of government aided cultural development - no matter how wankellectual (got you there Zemp... this is the word you were looking for). From the revised, purpose driven, University of Malta full of profit-driven dons of the B. Comm and Economics age to the grand sacrificial lambs of Jazz and Theatre we are seeing a strategic withdrawal of public funding of the development of the mind and a equal but opposite investment into anything which develops the purse. Doesn't it remind you of all that talk of bringing in quality tourists and golf courses and such. Pee enn spin doctors are slipping somehow and the more time passes the more they are looking like money hungry jerks willing to sell their mother for an extra reduction in the deficit.

What is missing? Long-term planning of course. Because look at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, look at Nadur in its tiny simplicity. They too are full of wankellectuals and weirdos of the strangest kind. But ask the tourism Minister in Hibernia or Chris Said in Nadur whether an extra penny or so is not spent at such shows. But of course FZD is hell-bent on getting tribute bands and Elton Johns of this world. They are the future.

In the meantime we can only commiserate. Especially because in terms of actractiveness and long-term planning the only alternative to this government would be like installing the Ayatollah Komheini instead of a Saudi Prince gone wrong. From laissez-faire to what-I-felt like this morning politics. The wishy washy labourites would insist on giving him a try. Slowly slowly, and the more I am assured that I would not be part of the experiment, I am almost inclined to give in.

But right now the muscle and bustle is in the hands of FZD clan. They invest in lucraty farts. Decisions about such (f)arts are taken like this. A meeting somewhere in Dar Centrali or Cabinet decides we need new ideas in the arts. Someone in the back of the smokefilled room wants to desperately go home and watch the latest Champions league encounter and cannot stand FZDs long plans that seem to go nowehere. FZD does not care two hoots about footie (or rugby, or any sport that matters). So it is necessary to stop him. "Ghax ma tqabbadx lil xi hadd li jifhem fil-kultura bhal Lou? Dak ma jdoqqx il-kitarra ukoll?" (Why not ask someone who is well versed in culture like Lou? Doesn't he also play the guitar?"

Hence lucraty - "lou & cratic": The anointment of the perceived aristocracy of culture by the aristocracy of ignorance. "Why don't we tell Nigel... didn't he get Elton?". Soon it will be... "phone Hector Bruno for the next Shakespeare in San Anton... he was good on stage wasn't he? Lord how he made us all laugh. Remember that farting joke?"

Culture? It's all about the (f)arts.