Welcome to CHOGM have a nice day!

Landed in Malta at 8.45am on Sunday morning. By 9.25 the most distinguishing feature of the island was CHOGM. Yep. It's CHOGM everywhere. Reading about it from Luxembourg is one thing - seeing the bloody signs pasted everywhere is another. The hypocrisy of the partially resurfaced roads reaches its apex on the road between the university roundabout and the 45km/h limited tunnel. The ropad going up is tarmacked. That going down is still a bumpy ride. Looks like the CHOGM will only be passing one way in that area. (Do pass your cursor on the CHOGM logo... ho fatto la battuta!)

I reserve further appraisals of the island for later. (Or maybe for never). It would seem that my alter ego is having a field day... already a couple of stories have been sidelined for Bollettino - with special thanks to my colleague Antonio Tufigno (and in particular his culinary skills). Food is wonderful as usual, although the only local stuff I ate was my mother's 'haruf il-forn' (divine), since in the evening we ate at the Blue Room in Valletta (lemon duck of course).

Oh! I almost forgot: D, I met the babe that featured in your latest set of photographs... seems like there were more where they came from.

It also seems like there is a cultural pause until the day I leave. Not much interesting going on except for the Inizjamed thingy Immanuel blogs about and the ELSA ICM (where a bunch of wannabe lawyers get a chance to meet and feel important and vote about things useless for a week - yes you guess it... I was never the ELSA type - too much paroli, pepe and faux pepe put into one place! - wink goes out to former ELSA gurus Andrew and Conrad!).

I'm off for a massage at the Hilton.... piu' pepe non si puo'... but then I'm a Pacevillian and we can afford the luxury to be pepe, cosmopolitan, hamalli and anything else you can think of... Paceville rules!

Sibtijiet Flimkien (is-seba' ep.)

Illum nippakkja. Ilni gimgha neqred li ma nafx x'illostra ha nitfa' fil-bagalja. Fil-klassifika dinijija ta' nies li ma jafux jippakkjaw zgur li nigi fl-ewwel ghaxra. Ir-rizoluzzjoni dejjem tkun li din id-darba se nsiefer biss bl-izghar bagalja mis-sett. Imbaghad nispicca bil-bagoll ... fih daqs tebut u xorta se jixpakka. Il-problema hija psikologika. Ghal nies imbecilli bhali il-pratticitta' tal-ippakkjar ma tezistix ghas-semplici raguni li il-famuza frazi "ghallijista'jkun" tiddomina ix-xena waqt il-fazi tal-ghazla. Huwa ghalhekk li nies bhali jippakkjaw parka kieku sejrin Safari fid-dezert u malja ghal pleasure cruise gewwa l-Artiku. Imma insomma. Illum nippakkja.

Il-bierah hrigt niekol barra. L-anniversarju tat-twelid ta' habiba ta' Melanie. Konna mejda helwa. Zewg Francizi, Tlett Sloveni u ... Ghawdxi. Is-soltu domandi ebeti ta' ksir il-ghajn. IMmma Malta titkellmu gharbi? Ha nara ghidli kelma fija "H". Isa vera qisu Gharbi. Imbaghad hasadni Samir, li minkejja ismu huwa Franciz. Out of the blue... minn fost mistoqsijiet dwar il-kcina, l-annimali, nuqqas ta' sigar, dimensjoni zghira ecc.. harigli b'din: "Onestament, intom il-Maltin.... thossukhom Ewropej?" Staqsejtu (in stile anonimo) x'irid jghid biha ghax vera ma fhimtx. Ried jghid li ghalih tkun iktar ovvja li kieku ahna inhossuna Gharab.

Ghal mument hsibt li kien qed jhewden hekk minhabba fija. Ifhem, m'inix wiehed ta' dehra arjana u nafu wisq kemm looks could deceive. Imma le. Kien konvint li ahna pajjiz pjuttost gharbi di kultura illi irnexxielu jizgicca go l-Ewropa primarjament ghal ragunijiet ekonomici. Ma stajtx nemmen kemm kien sorpriz meta ippruvajt nghidlu li minkejja l-ilsien ahrax tal-hafna "h" xorta ghandna wisq iktar in komuni mat-taljani ta' Sqallija milli mal-Libjani ta' Benghazi. M'hemmx wisq x'tistaghgeb. Wara kollox Samir, bankier ma kumpanija Amreikana go Lussemburgu - fejn qatt se jigi bzonn isir jaf iktar dwar Malta?

Insomma se nippakkja. Qaluli ingib hwejjeg sajfin. Ghal Novembru. X'antiklimax. Imma dejjem ahjar tippakkja xi haga shuna ma jmurx taghmel il-borra fuq Malta le? Imma das-safar kollu. Ikkundizzjonat minn zmien iehor meta safra kienet tfisser tieqa zghira minn xiex tittawwal lejn dinja ohra - differenti fejn ic-cikkulata tohrog minn magni wara li titfa' l-flus u anki wara li jaghtuk il-bqija. Meta go Londra kont tara Maltin u Gharab go Marks & Spencers bit-trolley (!!!) mizghuda hwejjeg, lozor u x'nafjien. Meta ir-riskju li Samir ikollu ragun kien qed isir realta'.

Imma issa differenti. Issa ahna zgur Ewropej. Anzi ghal xi uhud piu' Europeo non si puo'. U erhilhom jheddu lil dawk l-erba afrikani li forsi bhalna fit-tmeninijiet ixxennqu ghal tieqa lejn hajja ahjar.

U minflok spiccaw Malta. Fejn se nkun jien ghada fid-disa' bumm.
Narakom.

****

Personalita' tal-Gimgha: Muammar Ghaddafi. Il-Kurunell tal-ktieb l-ahdar li sab erbat ibciecen Malta lesti jimpurtaw l-antikultura lock, stockm and barrel. Ghax meta infahhru lil Dumink jixraq ukoll li niftakru il-kilba tieghu li jaghmilna One Nation mal-maghrebini. Imnalla iz-zmien jghaddi u jsewwi anka l-imhu morda. Ghax huwa ferm ahjar il-Ghaddafi papa' tal-futboler mal-Perugia milli Ghaddafi ta' Lockerbie.

Prodott tal-Gimgha: Cadbury. L-ezempju par excellence ta'zmien l-ghaks. Ma kienx mument li missieri u ommi urewna il-Chocolate Dispensing Machines fl-underground Londrina. Erhilna nitfghu One Pound tonda tonda (ghax ghandhom lira munita l-inglizi pa!) niehdu l-Whole Nut (li sservi gimgha anki meta tkun Londra) u Keep the Change.

Lokal tal-Gimgha : Peppu Ghezza. Maghruf ahjar bhala Neptunes Bar & Restaurant ta' Marsalforn. Il-Kartell tal-plebej. Jaghmillek huta zur minn hawn illum Gorg iben Peppu illi hallina ghal dinja ahjar. Sors infinit ta' karawett u cicri u gelat tal-Wembley bil-bubble gum fil-qiegh. Imma n-nanna kienet thobb wisq il-granita tal-lewz.

Skwadra tal-Gimgha: FIAT Luxol Murisan. basket insomma. It-tim tal-gar tieghi John Tabone. Vjola huma. Li fil-basket kienu l-favoriti imma meta tawha ghal-futbol saru l-ghedewwa tat-team li mieghu kont naghti daqqtejn fl-Under 17. Melita.

Ha mmur Ha mmur nippakkja. Probabbli ir-rata tal-ibbloggar din il-gimgha tonqos mhux ftit. Nittama li ghada wara nofsinhar inkun qieghed ir-Riviera beach nghum ghuma. Ghax ovvjament irrid nippakkja l-malja.

Ukoll.

Sahhiet.

Penny Wise, Flush Foolish

Frank Salt is another columnist whose writings are source of entertainment for the young and old. I understand that the estate agent is an individual full of good intentions and his column is always full of paternalistic advice for those denizens of the islands who have still not made their fortune flogging property at extortionate prices. I just love it.

Today Mr Salt has shared the result of his "mental exertions" (sic) with the rest of the population. It seems that the hike of electricity bill prices prompted this sudden rush of brain cell activity as Mr Salt decided to prove that the money saving tactics of old (tipo under Labour) are still worth our consideration. Mr Salt surveys his house to examine the exact quantity of electricity wastage that is going on at the moment of his sudden inspiration. It turns out that the following electric apparata were functioning:

4 bulbs in the hall

2 bulbs in the living room

1 neon in the kitchen

1 bulb in the dog's room (fido must be reading late)

2 bulbs in the staircase

6 (six) bulbs in the main bedroom

4 bulbs at the front gate

2 bulbs outside the main door

2 television sets (living & kitchen)

1 pond fountain light

1 water pump on roof

2 spare refrigerators (for no reason)

1 computer

3 emersion (sic) heaters

There you go. Salt has just described your average man's home - dog room, spare refrigerator and emersion heater included. Now, aside from the fact that I guess that an emersion heater is one that suddenly emerges when you most need it (as against an immersion heater) and that I am still unsure why a dog needs a room (as against a kennel), I presume that Mr Salt was typing on his PC which definitely does not classify the fact that it is on as being wasteful.

The light bulb that illuminates Frank's mind was still on while he mulled about how energy is wasted in order to have a well lit house, immediate warm water and cool water. I almost got carried away and in a tree-hugging inspiration yelled "Way to go Frank" and reached for the typewriter. But then the little irritating elf in my head said: "it's called 21st century comfort". Why is it something to aspire to when there is a Labour government (because we do not have it) but to deny oneself (because we are presumably spoilt) under a Nationalist one? I am all for energy saving... but to call warm water in the house a luxury?.... naaaah...

So what is Frank's tuppence for the general PN Energy Saving Plan? Water in your toilet cistern that's what. The age old trick of the brick in the flushing. Add a brick (or if you are a wishy washy liberal who has used up all his bricks by throwing them through various institutional windows a litre bottle will do) in your flusjing and you save one litre of water every time you take a dump and flush. Yep. Salt's calculations depend exclusively on how many times the average Maltese dwelling family visits the loo to take a number 2. 6 it would seem. The average Maltese family takes six dumps a day. And with the brick-or-bottle-in-the-cistern trick we will save 547 million litres of water per year.

Next the government will be handing out free figs and constipation inducing tablets in order to reduce the number of visits to the bathroom. Then we will move on to the "Shower Once a Week" Campaign.

"All this water can be saved by putting a full litre bottle of water, or the equivalent, inside the flushing of each toilet in our islands. My mind started to really get going and I realised we are a very wasteful people. We waste so much and it is all so unnecessary."

Another lateral thinker. Lorna's floating islands, Frank's Dump Saver. I'd love to ask Frank what he means by "or the equivalent". Apart from the fact that an empty litre bottle still suffices because it displaces a litre (just tie it to the bottom of the cistern)... should the 'or equivalent' be read as a bottle of Moet for the upper classes?

Ah well. So that is how PN are planning to save us. That is why AD's 6 point plan did not make sense. Here it is in black and white. They tax us. They increase prices. And then we will be pushed into inspirational energy saving measures. Now I am all in favour of energy saving. I agree that we must be more conscious about how we use the energy we have. What pisses me off... really... is how this kind of argument (or responsibilisation) is acceptable for PN supporters now when the same supporters would be grumbling about how they have been reduced to a third-world- wash-once-a-week population should the same measures be introduced by a Santian government.

Beyond that, the fact remains that the AD proposals were also intended to spread the responsibilisation in a better way. In any case this criticism will come under attack (part of PN strategy). Anyone disagreeing with the saving is unable to make a sacrifice for the country or the environment. Circum tauri I say. I disagree with the headless chicken planning and I resent arselicking reasoning that justifies it all instead of admitting that there are more rational, more reasonable and less draconian ways of reaching the same goal.

Meanwhile, Frank Salt tells us that he stood up after his mental exertions and thought how a hefty increase in his monthly outlay can affect his way of thinking. Kafkesque isn't it? Almost Eastern Iron Curtain literature all over again. Only this time there is no irony. The citizen is really blaming himself and thanking government for having made him think by increasing his cost of living.

I'm off. I intend to switch off the computer for ten minutes. Then I will go and hide some files in the flushing at work so that the institutional savings will be tenfold (less work and less water down the drain). And oh... tonight no light in Xitan's (my cat) room. The bitch can read in the dark!

She Sells Seashells on the Seashore

...and the seashores where she dwells are not real seashores i'm sure.

The Dame is back. The article is here. I toyed with the idea of not commenting since I feel there should be some solidarity with regards to the subject, but I think that an article that kicked off solidly degenerated into fantasy and Dameisms without warning. I will tackle it as soon as I have some time to pen this post in full.

So. I had quite forgotten about the possibility of coming across a Lorna thingy on Thursdays. I opened the Times site as per usual clicking directly into the opinion section. My heart leapt with joy as I noticed the notorious name and surname included as one of the contributors among today's opinion churners. The title was as enigmatic as ever "The Second Cause". We will never understand why these three words were chosen to adorn this piece ("the" is surely there in its normal role as a definite article, although it is still unsure what it is being so definite about).

Then came the article per se (forgive me but I always feel that a "per se" is necessary when dealing with the Dame). It turns out to be another passionate appeal to try and get the international community to do something about the irregular immigration issue. As I said earlier I almost felt duty bound to let sleeping grammar lie and allow this article to join the ranks of barkers egging all powers that be on towards a solution. But... I can resist anything except temptation and it was too too large.

Like a scrotum here it is in a nutshell... Lorna is trying to come up with a solution for us to follow. Having ascertained that the Nobel Prize for Literature is within her grasp, TGIL has turned her attention to the Nobel Prize for Peace. Following a brilliant exposé of the main issues and participants we are regaled with a solution sans pareil that will make Salvu Sammut cringe in his Presidential pants. With a lateral thinking summersault worthy of Edward De Bono, TGIL tells us that we focus too much on territory. The equation is as follows:

a. The immigrants search for territory.
b. No existing territory (with seashore) wants them.
c. Let us create a terriotry (the ambitious poroject of alternate shores) to hold them.
d. How? Fixed or mobile man made structures (later we find out that these will be called ships).

Eat your ass out Jules Verne. Somebody has seen Waterworld one time too many. Bring forth Renzo Piano... he has designed a floating airport (Japan) now he must design a floating Ta' Kandja. 'Nuff said... here are the usual juicy excerpts... The usual convention applies (my addition in red & parenthesis).

The Second Cause (abridged)

Having had "our" European dream fulfilled, and rightly expecting EU support, in this context (something which is rarely done) European countries could well deserve to be blamed by us just as much as our southern neighbours do [concentration must begin: after a 10th reading I think it means we should blame Europe as much as we blame Libya]. A lot of time is being spent blaming Africa [Does this include Burundi and Lesotho?] when that same time could be dedicated to making detailed proposals to Europe.

(…)

"Why should we accept the guilt of letting people drown in our waters for the sake of not allowing them into our country?" [Why indeed? Think hard. The implication of this question is crucial].

(...)

The moral dilemma we should be facing is that we want irregular immigrants to land safely as long as they do not do so on our shores. [Dilemma? I would say we are bound to receive them, bound to help them (morally) but we need help to do so. On the other hand it is immoral to think of any other option – though I admit this could be an opinion and not an absolute truth].

So, an ambitious project [The beginnings of the grand plan] would be to provide alternative shores such migrants could head for [the onset of dementia]. The increase of borders/shores (through the creation of man-made borders/shores) is the solution that comes to the fore [Welcome to Fantasia – looks more like a solution coming from the aft].

(…)

But before justifying artificial shores, there is another problem to be addressed [more? I would have thought artificial shores are quite a handful]. The situation as it stands now means that a country identifying [the exact purpose of the word "identifying" in this sentence is being examined by a special board of the OUD] a case of human trafficking will end up with the extra responsibility of taking care of the migrants. If, on the other hand, such interception is not timely, the end result is likely to be a human massacre. This state of affairs is thus multiplying problems to either the irregular immigrants or the receiving state [I do note that TGIL has a love affair with the issue of multiplication – it tends to turn up frequently].

(…)

[Le Coup de Grace: ]
The Mediterranean was shaped the way it is by nature [For once we do not blame the Nationalists]. However, the geographical dimensions [one hopes we are still talking within the three-dimensional sphere which us mere mortals are used to] could easily be changed by the establishment of fixed or mobile man-made structures to identify human trafficking before migrants reach any of the European shores [Get it? Outposts at sea to tell us they are coming!]. Such structures (that is, ships) [This idea has a Patent Application Pending - mobile-man made structure to b called ship] could be positioned at chosen geographical points where supervision of the seas would best serve all parties [She means strategically positioned]. They need to be such as to be able to accommodate any irregular immigrants located at sea until their status is established - a platform where all legal and procedural questions can be processed [Yep. You have read right. It's a floating Guantanamo, a Ta' Kandja on Sea, a Manhattan on the Waves]. They will be financed by states that enter into agreement with each other [as against with themselves], applying the same provisions of international law where states are unwilling to cooperate [I wish I had time to explain how useless the last appendage to the sentence (following the comma) is].

These structures could, eventually, be used for purposes other than irregular immigration [She means for purposes other than the prevention of irregular immigration], such as for economic purposes, maritime passage purposes, aviation purposes, regulation of the fishing zones, marine research, smuggling and drug trafficking control and at times of environmental crises such as oil spillages. [And the annual International Literary Seminar entitled "Subject and Predicate in Modern English"].

(…)

Such man-made structures should fall under an "international" jurisdiction regime [Or filed under crackpot proposals]. The issue would ultimately boil down to another diplomatic exercise between states once they recognise the matter as being an international and not a national one. Indeed, the issue of international jurisdiction of the high seas justified such a move because no state could be placed at a disadvantage - especially in the case of land-locked states [Madame is saying that countries like Austria could finally have their share in irregular African immigrant management too]. Should countries like ours, surrounded by sea, on the threshold of Africa, be forever placed at a disadvantage just because of our geographical location? [Bloody Mother Nature put us there didn't she… it's her fault innit?]

(…)

It is really time for the international fora to be addressed in this manner [1., International Fora, International Fora Street, Forumland]. In this venture we should stop relying on our own resources or those that ooze out of our EU membership [earlier in the article she implied that not much has been forthcoming – not exactly oozing is it Lorna? ]. Unfortunately, none of these, so far, have proved sufficient.

….

That's it. We build islands in the Med. Shepherd the immigrant boats there (far from what the eye can behold) and in one clean sweep rid ourselves of the big headache. The international artificial shores will be multi-purpose and will float happily ever after.

We've heard of castles in the air, but artificial refugee centres in the Med…. Give me a break please!

The Ninth Symphony

It has been baptised the Ninth Symphony. Yesterday's victory at home versus Sampdoria was Juventus' ninth on the trot in this year's league. Since the start of the Campionato they have always taken three points. For the quiz enthusiasts out there this is a record for the Campionato. The goalscorers on this day were Trezegol (spunta il Francese dalla mischia) and the new Mutu (thank you to Chelsea and Mourinho). Since it is Juventus the record will lose some of its shine as the bianconeri are expected to be a mean machine. If it were some provincial team (which claims to have invented the spoon) we'd never hear the end of it.

On this historical day, the nerazzurri of Milan committed hara-kiri to the team that will probably slip against Ascoli in just the same way it shone against the likes of Adriano, Recoba and Materazzi.

It is these stats and comments (as biased as can be) that also form part of the real game.
This game that can draw metaphors to an Ode to Freedom.
This is the game that can have the good, the bad and the ugly.
This too is football.

Non Sequitur #35

(ANSA) - MILANO, 26 OTT - La Juventus dalla A alla Z. Esce nelle librerie 'Il Novissimo Gobbo, dizionario del tifo juventino', scritto da Marcello Chirico. Dedicato agli amici e ai nemici, il libro di Chirico incomincia dalla 'A' e finisce con la 'Z' come un vero dizionario. All'interno c'e' la prefazione scritta da Luciano Moggi, storico Dg bianconero. Il libro va ad aggiungersi all'altro 'Gobbo d'Italia: Manuale del perfetto juventino''.

A bit of 'autoironia' or self-irony before we leave for tonight's match. The news about the book is true. The doctored photo depicting Juve as a team of thieves is taken from an anti-juve site.

Get Your Blog Identity Today

Editorial Note: From today onwards comments on J'Accuse will only be possible for persons who are registered users of www.blogger.com. I apologise for any inconvenience caused to all good willing commentators but like anti-terrorist measures there will always be negative side effects.

The anonymous idiot who seems to be an avid fan of a particular blog called "mistoqsija" has struck once again. She has now taken to including the link to the aforementioned blog in comment boxes. Now there does not seem to be any decent manner with which to explain to the imbecile that the Blogroll to the left of your screen is a personal affair that is dictated solely by personal preferences and criteria.

I include blogs that I read regularly and which tickle my fancy. I do not include blogs that I do not like and even more particularly I will not have anyone dictate which blog to include or not to include. I had promised myself (and Pierre Mejlak) that with the third intervention by the anonymous fan of mistoqsija I would blog about the whole matter. I know that by doing so I will do what the anonymous bungler wanted at least for a day or two - advertise the site she loves so much. That is the problem with flares in blogs - they give undue importance to nuisances.

There are many blogs out there that are not on my list. So what? The list does not purport to be exhaustive or an authority - it is not an aboutmalta kind of list. I am charmed by anonymous' insistence that her favourites should be included... but that would destroy the whole point of its being my list wouldn't it? I have a suggestion for the paperbag writer - start her own blog (unless she already has one) and add the links she likes. And if she is really, really bitter about all this ... I suggest she leaves out any link to J'Accuse. Dear dear.

To conclude, here is a recent contribution by anonymous asking me why my cousin's blog features on my list while mistoqsija does not. Go figure.

I answered in bastard rhyming verse. (Bastard because it has a faulty metre and bastard because that is the intention). Happy blogging... and if you have time to spare go to mistoqsija , I personally do not like the style at all... but as I told l'anonyme once - thank God it's not just me who is out there.

Anonymous said...
Fuq liema kriterji il-blogg ta' Mistoqsija mhux inkluz fil-lista, filwaqt li l-blogg ta' certu Francesco (Mon Cousin) huwa?

jacques rené zammit said...
ghaziz (sarkazmu) anonimu:

x'ahlew... twegiba mimlija licenza poetika jisthoqqlok...

lill-anonimu

tal-mistoqsija trid twegiba
mhux ghax haqqek, imma hawn hi
la hi enigma, lanqas tisliba
hafna easy - daqs l-A B C

francesco... (mon cousin)
liema parti tqila ghalik?
cesko tieghi il-kugin
not too difficult, don't you think?

dwar mistoqsija taghmel ghageb
iffissat, tridha on my list
però jekk jien le ma nwiegeb
poem issirlek... tibqax trist!

The Salem Quack Psychology

It's Balzan's Heroes day. Tuesdays are the days to accede to MaltaToday Online when you can catch up on the other fantasmagorical news that the other boring papers failed to pinpoint. One news item in Balzan's paper relates to the general panic surrounding the ducks that have recently begun to populate various bays and fishing villages. These duck colonies were a welcome break in the birdless scenario of our islands and it would be sad to have to get rid of them because of the avian flu.

What is really amusing is the fact that it would seem that the authorities are on the lookout for "ducks behaving strangely". Wow. Last time I was down in Spinola eating my duck à l'Orange at Paparazzi I had taken some time to observe the ducks by the waterside. Now what exactly would a duck behaving strangely do? Waddle its tail once too often? Defecate excessively? Chase after the feline unlucky enough to be within its range? Or will it simpply go "moo" and give itself away? (Or is that Mad Cow that I am thinking about?). Duck behaving strangely indeed. Now Men Behaving Strangely... that would be an easy one to spot wouldn't it?

At least the avian flu hysteria has a clearly defined enemy - birds. Other areas are not so quack and white. Take extremists for instance. James Debono penned an article about Martin I-am-not-a-fascist Degiorgio. The man is guilty of having a number plate with the letters DVX (dux or duce in latin) and a company called DVX Ltd or something. Now you know where I stand with regard the non-fascist fascists of this world (btw ANR are an organisation that clearly flirts with fascism....sue me... I'd love a trip to Malta). But....

I had to agree with Martin Degiorgio for once. We cannot attack people for the labels they carry and the symbols they choose to childishly display. There are many who, like Martin, adopt the DVX logo out of sentimentality or a blind fascination with a history with which they are obviously not too familiar. On the other hand there are many (James Debono included - and I have one for the days I feel funny and commie) who love to carry Che Guevara t-shirts and quote Marx and Hegel every other second. Crimes against humanity have been committed in the name of the bullet-headed freak from Rome as well as in the name of the latin-american bearded former motor-cyclist. Anyhow, I do not think that carrying their symbol should be seen as wrong. To me it is clear that a morbid fascination with all things extremist is stupid. But in a modern society one should be able to carry their symbols without fear of reprisal.

I know many will disagree with me. It is a fine difference. Civilisation, however, is about tolerating opinion and being able to rationally overcome differences by finding rational solutions that go beyond emotions. Crying out to the masses that anyone using the letters DVX should be labelled and slammed is the first step towards ostracising anyone in a black shirt (which would not be too bad) or anyone in a Che Guevara Beard (which would be a disaster for me in my regular No Shaving Weeks). This would be back to Malta of red or blue - Du Maurier Red or Du Maurier Blue!! It would be ridiculous.

Attack Martin Degiorgio on his thoughts and ideas. Show them, rationally that they have chosen a one way road that leads to intolerance and that never learns to draw the line, a road where one minute you are beating the black man and the next you are beating your brother. Expose them to the literature they seem to have forgotten. Show them the real side of history they fail to appreciate. But do not fall into their trap... the Dux has nothing to do with it...

It's the idea behind the symbol and not the symbol itself. Concentrate on the idea. Challenge it. Do not deviate, do not digress and do not play games. This is serious.

... and most of all... do not behave too strangely!

When Negative is Good

This bit of news disappeared quickly into the archives of www.di-ve.com today as more and more news of the day filled its front page. The Freeport dead birds alarm was false - there is still no avian flu in Malta and we must now make sure the foreign news agencies know that too.

There is however more evidence of bird brained activity as some pranksters are enjoying the joke of dumping dead birds around the country - notably around the MIA parking and Chadwick lakes. As in the case of the bird brained vandalism on Porte des Bombes and Wignacourt acqueducts we must not only condemn but react and get these wrongdoers to the place they deserve... behind bars.

So. Back to the news items. Prepare for some letters to foreign editors (BBC News, La Repubblica etc) if we do not see this good bit of news being published soon.

J'Accuse! Biex int tghix ahjar!

Gonzi's Green Opposition

I almost forgot that the PN was holding its General Council. The Maltese (and particularly PN) versions of this event are a far cry from party conferences abroad. They are choc-a-bloc with yes men speeches and talks of the "kemm ahna sbieh min jaf jarana" kind. For some time it was an occasion for the geeks who followed american politics within the nationalist party to have their little game at imitating the duh!merican style of presenting leaders and politicians.

Sometimes the charade involved placing all the ministers behind the PM in one big happy family photo ops... others it was him alone with one big background of blue and stars. The one rule was... this is not where to go if you want to follow a challenging discussion on the future of Maltese politics. Even the slogans which were once strong, powerful and thought provoking became a watered down version for the 'kerchief waving freaks to yell in unison.

Back to this weekend. PM Gonzi spoke about the opposition's void of ideas and its inability to come up with proposals for the country's future. I have already been rapped on the hand by Fausto for expecting that the government considers AD's 6-point plan because apparently AD have no right to be a social partner. Now I will expect Fausto to do so again and tell me that AD is not part of the opposition. Of course not. It is not in Parliament. And all the votes that AD will get are useless because unless it gets into Parliament its voice does not count. And that counts for you... the basic message is either yyou join MLPN or forget about thinking. No one will listen. If you do start thinking then you are conceited, big headed and an upstart.

So that should be an eyeopener for you all. Next time there is a kunsill generali grab your 'kerchief, clear your throats and prepare to shout "Viva l-Kap ... biex ahna nghixu ahjar!"

Extracts from the Indy's report:

Dr Gonzi said that the opposition did not come up with any concrete policy on particular issues but was merely focused on deriding every proposal put forward by government. He asked the Labour Party to come up with suggestions on the economy, telecommunications, privatisation and other issues, as all it did was criticise without offering alternatives.

(...)

Dr Gonzi also called on the opposition to come up with environment and social reform policies – and not just resort to cheap political games.

No Man's Land: No Man's Party

Cry Fowl & Bodies of Evidence

The news of the quarantined ship in the Maltese ports has spread like wildfire. There is something about birds and our island. I recently purchased a book with a name that goes something like the couch potato's diplomatic guide to the EU 25. The section on Malta centres mainly around 3 points: (1) that it is the nation most likely to secede; and (2) that we shoot birds like there is no tomorrow and (3) we are more catholic than any Ratzinger.

Lost within our confines, we fail to notice that not every single matter about our nation trickles out to the international press and that general perceptions of the Maltin once you leave the island (and once you exclude the "Oh they're so quaint" kind of tourist) tends to be either nonchalant or negative in a twisted way. Yes, because we think that every tom, dick and harry on the other side of the Med is really bothered with our problems at MEPA, our budget deficit and about governments that would be unelectable in any reasonable democracy.

No, we are the eternally divided island of two halves where hunters reign supreme and nowadays where illegal immigrants are unwanted and arrive here to some sort of perverse reversal of the immigrants' american dream (and the French still think wedunnit when it comes to oil spills). We have very few resident foreign journalists. One of them works for La Repubblica and thanks to this person we are now front page material in Italy for another kind of potential disaster. Yep, La Repubblica has us up there along with a Russian discovery of the deadly virus. Thankfully it does specify that its presence has not been confirmed and that our specialists are working on it.

We need to make sure that an eventual confirmation of absence of any deadly vira should spread just as fast as the news of the presence of the floating pile of avian carcasses spread across the major news providers. That will be one for the MTA to work on and I have a few ideas where we can help too.

Meanwhile this weekend seems to have been the time for the strangest and saddest kind of tourists to land on our island. A boat full of dead birds was just about enough news to eclipse the nasty find of floating bodies in St. Paul's Bay. And in an ironical twist of events we have the police starting prosecution on another murder case in which the dead body was never found.

I never liked the way my birth month was always treated as a somber and dark month kicking off with the night of Halloween and proceeding with the day when all the dead are commemorated. The prospects for this November do not look sunny either. Death's ugly face* is cropping up in too many places... somebody, please... let the sunshine in.

* "I AM DEATH, NOT TAXES. I TURN UP ONLY ONCE"

- Death in Pratchett's 'Feet of Clay'.

FCUK YOU (contains explicit lyrics) (16)

Last night, after a gruelling shopping tour across the border in Belgium, I settled down in front of the TV for a well deserved rest. I toyed with the idea of watching the 50th anniversary celebrations of the Eurovision which were being transmitted on about 5 different channels but gave up when I noticed that there would be no fun in the end since no Maltese were competing for the best Eurovision song. Instead I decided to watch a DVD - my collection has burgeoned ever since moving abroad, the average price of a DVD here is 12 euros - and I'm talking original not VHS to DVD pirates from the monti. Anyway's the choice DVD for the night was Spike Lee's 'Joint' - 25th Hour starring Edward Norton.

[Ed. note. from here on this may contain spoilers for whoever did not watch the 25th hour]

I liked the film and was particularly impressed by Barry Pepper acting as Frank Slaughtery. The storyline is interesting - the last 24 hours of a convicted drug dealer before incarceration. During these 24 hours he has to say farewell to his dads, his dearest friends who have a life of their own, his 'ork colleagues' and his girlfriend. He also has to spend the night trying to find out who might have got him into this mess. Apart from the here and now there is also the constant reflection about himself, about his hand in his destiny and the life he chose. The film also includes some interesting 9/11 asides since the story takes place in the immediate post 9/11 period.

At one stage in the film Monty Brogan, Norton's character, confronts himself in the bathroom mirror. The Monty in the mirror comes to life and lets out his frustration about his situation in one monologue of anger. The monologue is intriguing to say the least and merits reflection. An individual about to go to prison, at an all time low of his existence on this earth, unleashes a string of hatred and suddenly the blame falls on all around him. Look at the quote below and notice the immigrants, the politicians, the priests, the cops, and of course in NY just after 9/11 - the towelheads. The monoloue ends and in a moment of personal redemption Monty replies to his ater ego in a redeeming manner which proves that the point of realisation and responsibilisation has come.

Here is the uncensored dialogue:

Monty Brogan: [looking in mirror] Well fuck you too.

[Monty standing in the men's bathroom talking to himself in the mirror]
Monty Brogan: Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it. Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. Fuck the squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job! Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores, stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35. Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you fucking came from! Fuck the black-hatted Hasidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds! Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for FUCKING LIFE! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Worldcom! Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, 'cause they make the Puerto Ricans look good. Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, their St. Anthony medallions, swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos. Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermes scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart! Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take fives steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on! Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust! Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin' Otisville, J! Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal Irish ass!

Monty Brogan: No. No. Fuck you Montgomery Brogan. You had it all, and you threw it away, you dumb fuck!

Have a good Sunday... blogging service will resume later on after I will perform my latest dramatic one-man show: "Tuber on a Modern Piece of Furniture"... also known as "the couch potato".

Welcome to the Blogosphere

Hello again. Unless you are one of the average 150 people who access this blog daily you must be here after following a link from today’s Times (the Weekender to be exact). Unlike the printed press, the blogosphere has no word limits and problems of space. The length of what you write is only limited by how long you can keep your reader’s attention tickled. I will take the liberty to be your guide to blogs and the Maltese blogosphere today.

Before that a small note. You are now in MY space. I am the only one responsible for its content. The Times has no responsibility from here on. Which is why I will publish in full the Dictionary of Terms that goes with my 350 word contribution to Weekender:

Dictionary of Terms:

Age of the Blog: just after Age of the Mobile and before Age of the iPod.

Blogorrhea : uncontrollable posting on blogs

Dame Lorna: Lorna Vassallo of "Thank God It's Lorna" fame

Insanabile Cacoethes Scribendi: Irresistible urge to write

Oxford Dictionary: 20^th century reference book (see also Lorna Vassallo)

Salvu Sammut: President of GWU – expert in humane solutions

Vassalli Maltese: il malti chiph michtub cabel id-Denphil.

Wankellectual: wannabe intellectual

And now to my guide....

Enquire Within Upon Everything

Blogs: You can do it.
The most important thing to know about web logs or blogs for short is that anybody can write them. Beneath this fundamental concept lie many other important pointers. If anyone can write a blog it means that there is nothing to guarantee the content’s veracity or to censor them in anyway. To start blogging all you need is intention. Most blog hosting sites are free. You just create your account, choose a template and start writing. To continue blogging you need perseverance and attention. Most blogs die out after their fourth week. The general sign of a good blog is one that has been constantly updated for months.

Blog Upon Everything
Blogs are now in the news because of the fact that they can be the source of news themselves. The latest fad is in fact that blogs are real time news by the man in the street. But blogs are not only about news. You could blog about your hobby, about your life at an educational institution, about life in general or about society and politics. The blog you are currentlyreading is a mixture of observations on life and politics with a bit of satire and humour thrown in. When chosing to blog your average blogger also decides whether to show his identity or use a pseudonym. There is a fair balance of both kinds of blogger in the Maltese community. The blogroll (list of blogs linked from this blog) in the left column of this blog is actually divided by the type of blogger - e.g. I Soliti Ignoti contains all bloggers who blog under their own identity.

HTMWhat?
Blogging can be accessed even by the most technologically inept. Blog hosts like blogger allow you to blog using minimal technological knowledge. Most posts on the blogger system are made using a WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get) system. That’s lots of buttons which tell you why you are pressing them and windows which explain why they are there. Which brings me to the main words needed to understand blogspeak. A BLOG and BLOGGER go hand in hand. The blog is the journal with a webpage such as this one. The blogger is the person who writes the blog. A POST is a single entry in a blog. Maltese bloggers now speak of “blogg” as in a blog, “bloggejja” as in bloggers and “bloggata” for a particular post.

Look Around You
At the top of this webpage is the ‘masthead’ with the blog title J’Accuse and subtitle - la verite si je mens (the truth if I lie). To the left is the information column. My ugly mug is surrounded by some info about myself and a quote from Julius Ceasar. The next few features are personalisations of mine. First the No to Racism Campaign (which you can still adhere to) and the Music Pick of the Week. I have added a box where readers can input their email to receive any updates of the blog although nowadays blog readers use tools such as www.bloglines.com which allows you to follow and receive updates from all your favourite blogs. Werzieq is a Beppe Grillo fan club I set up for the Maltese in the Benelux.

Which brings us to the Recent Quills section. This is where you see the titles of the most recent posts I have added to the blog. Some titles are regular features such as “non Sequitur” or “Sibtijiet Flimkien” the weekly contribution in Maltese. The Vault is where you can travel back into the history of J’Accuse - this post you are reading is the 233rd post to appear since 10th March 2005. There have been over 25,000 hits to this blog since when I started counting on the 10th april 2005. Approximately 50% of the hits are from Malta, Belgium 25%, Luxembourg 10% and the rest divided in various countries from Italy to France to Vietnam and Thailand and Peru.

After the vault you can see what is called the Blogroll. In my case I have called it Blog Boulevard. This is also where I introduce you to the Maltese blogosphere. The categories are as follows: (1) De Rerum Novarum - new blogs; (2) I Soliti ‘ngoti - bloggers who use their own identity; (3) Mascherati - bloggers who I know but who use a pseudonym; (4) Figli degl’Ospitaleri - bloggers whose identity I do not know; (5) In Absentia - bloggers who have not blogged for a while; (6) I Frustieri - foreign blogs. The list is personal and subjective. There are other blogs on the Maltese blogosphere but they have either not grabbed my attention or I personally do not find them worth a peek every once in a while. For example I have a general dislike for blogs that read like personal journals or diaries - but that is a matter of taste.

Via delle Novelle is a list of links to major sources of news from around the world while AMBC is a list of useful buttons and the stat counter that keeps track of all visitors to the site. Is-Suq is a market where according to the laws of flawed economics I will only get money once a cow jumps over the moon. If you click on the brown box (Cafepress) you will accede to the minimarket of J’Accuse souvenirs including mugs, mousepads and women’s t-shirts. Finally there is a collection of quotes which have been said about this blog.

Say What?
So once you start blogging you will probably be cited by another blog and be promoted (generally - and if the folks at maltamedia are not feeling particularly threatened - it’s Bob at Wired Temples who does the spotting). You do not have to be a blogger to participate in the vibe though. Some people prefer to just read blogs and Comment. Oh yes Comment. That famous button. At the end of every post there is a link named Comment or if it has been personalised it will be something like REPLIQUE on mine. That is where all readers are allowed to give their feedback on what they have just read. This is one of the great advantages of blogs. Most blog ‘conversations’ are either a post and reply between two blogs which will constantly cross-refer using hyperlinks or more commonly using comments in their respective blogs.

{Small Pause: At this point it is worth noting that this is an exceptionally long post - very uncharacteristic for this or any other blog. It is also not in the usual style of the writer. For sample of that please go to previous posts or come back later on today when normal blogging service will be resumed.}

Show me the Money!
So what is the big buzz about blogs? Expression . That is what a lot of it is about. Bloggers discuss, argue and share opinions or ideas. The difference between blogs and other forms of communication is that they are organised, develop a ‘personality’ and are more immediate and interactive. A very common blog subject are current events. Whether it is a hurricane tragedy, illegal immigration or the latest football result ... so long as it is bloggable. This blog and its fellow project called Postform (see list of links on side) are also about politics and promoting a new way of thinking.

I think I have said too much today. Just one last thing. If you have a question or have an urge to say anything (and I mean anything) to me just click on REPLIQUE at the end of this post. I am one blogger who is very prejudiced against anonymous posts so be nice and leave a name or even a pseudonym. One of the most encouraging things that helps keep a blog alive is reaction from readers. Nothing is more painful to a blogger than a post without comments - at least to this one. The blog world can really be fun and interesting but do not let the electronic world deceive you. Behind every keyboard and screen lies a human being. Be nice to each other and help make this world a better place... a corny wish... but what would you expect from a blogger who is typing in a cold and wet luxembourg at 1 am after coming home from a late night screening of “Wallace and Gromit and the Were Rabbit”.

Next week we will discuss how to make a Tartiflette with the best gruyere and lardons fumees!

A big thank you to Stanley who helped put this blog in the place where it feels most comfortable - the spotlight!

Did I tell you I was arrogant and rude? Happy Surfing!

note: This post was originally published at 1 am but I subsequently changed its time to keep this post at the top for the day (after posting "Dead Parrot Society")

Stanley Adds

Stanley, the author of the Times article about Blogs which appeared on today's Weekender asks me to add this list of Blogs that he intended to put on the page but did not do so due to lack of space. J'Accuse is pleased to reciprocate the publicity courtesy by publishing the list here (Stanley's descriptions ... not mine):


Ten kids on the blog
Max L. Fly
The inconvenience of middle age and its insistence upon minor, nagging discomforts conveyed with a beautiful sense of lonely nostalgia. Brilliant.

Guze Stagno
Guze Stagno, Maltese literature’s enfant terrible, is bent on picking a fight with anyone or anything that moves.

L-iStordut
Since it’s hard to sing with your tongue in cheek, Mikiel draws while chronicling an adolescence lived in the shadow of the Imperial Bar.

Triq il-Maqluba
Post-it notes on anything historical, environmental and political - a linguist and translator who knows how to write.

Xifer
A Maltese translator living on the edge in Luxembourg. Has a penchant for anything Italian, including a memorable post on ‘un cuore di panna.’

Toni Sant
Colourful, as expected from an ex-member of Artwork who now lectures on Performance and Creative Technologies.

Tgedwid
Immanuel Mifsud. The author of twelve books, including his latest, Kimika, and one of the most inspired components of contemporary Maltese literature. A bestseller.

Ta' Barra Mod Iehor
A Maltese musician down but mostly out in Paris where time either flies, or just sits on the cobbled ruelles. Lots of wine, food, but mostly jazz.

Pierre J. Mejlak
The life and times of a writer and translator based in Brussels, and of his neighbours.

Diverse Ramblings
Young, restless, and the first girl to podcast in Maltese.

... thanks again Stan!

Dead Parrot Society

Isn't it ironic that the first documented case of a bird transporting the avian flu in the UK would be a Dead Parrot? The Guardian reports: "The arrival of a highly pathogenic form of avian flu in Britan was confirmed last night as veterinary officials revealed that a parrot that died in quarantine had the disease".

From the Dead Parrot Sketch (Monty Python)
Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.

Bring on the Blondes

"LONDON: It turns out the doomsayers were partly right: Nearly a year and a half after the expansion of the European Union, floods of East Europeans have washed into Britain. Poles, Lithuanians, Latvians and other Easterners are arriving at an average rate of 16,000 a month, a result of Britain's decision to allow unlimited access to the citizens of the eight East European countries that joined the EU last year. They work as bus drivers, farmhands and dentists, as waitresses, builders, and saleswomen; they are transforming parts of London into Slavic and Baltic enclaves where pickles and Polish beer are stacked in delicatessens and Polish can be heard on the streets almost as often as English. But the doomsayers were also wrong: Multicultural Britain has absorbed these workers like a sponge. Unemployment is still rock-bottom at 4.7 percent, and economic growth continues apace." - IHT

Now what? Is it because the Eastern Blonde is more adaptive than the African Tan? Or is it because a pro-active receptivity is in place? Or both? Of course Malta is not the UK. Neither is Italy or Spain for all that matters.

After all the Economist Quality of Life Index lists Malta one step above the UK this year.... so why the hell aren't all these blonde men and women southbound?

and there's more:
"Tens of thousands of East Europeans have also moved to Ireland and Sweden, the only other West European countries that opened their labor markets to the new EU members.

With nearly full employment, Ireland's booming economy still needs workers, and immigration is actively encouraged. More than 128,000 East Europeans from the new EU member states registered to work in Ireland from May 2004 to August this year."

My question, apart from provoking Fausto into another icthus of statistical babble of comparison between the sick economy of Malta and the tiger economy of Ireland and the vast expanses of space in the Hills of Cumbria, is intended to make us stop and examine whether a properly managed immigration policy can become useful. It is a question and does not purport to state any fact!

Follow the Post

A news follow up on items that have previously been the subject of posts:

Money Matters

The government's main dilemma for this year's budget which will be announced on the 31st October is whether it can make up for the Lm50 million increase in the cost of oil. No mention of the Alternattiva 6 point plan (in good or in bad) was made by Prime Minister Gonzi when commenting on his Cabinet's discussions about social partners responses.

EU Crisis Fund & Action on Immigration

Franco Frattini has taken up the Maltese proposal and set up an EU crisis fund for dealing with problems related to illegal immigration. €20 million will be available as of next summer. Meanwhile more positive activity by Michael Frendo was reported:

Foreign Minister Michael Frendo said that Ireland, like the Netherlands, was considering taking a number of refugees or migrants granted humanitarian protection by Malta. Technical assistance was also being offered by Germany, Italy and the UK while the Czech Republic had said it was willing to assist Malta but wanted to coordinate with other countries. Dr Frendo said that he brought up the issue of illegal migration during an informal meeting with his Nigerian counterpart last Sunday on the fringes of a Commonwealth meeting. The Nigerian minister was very receptive to Malta's request for a repatriation agreement with Nigeria and other Commonwealth countries. In fact, proposed repatriation agreements were being sent to other Commonwealth countries that may have nationals residing illegally in Malta.

On talks with Libya, Dr Frendo said Malta was awaiting a reply on when a technical committee formed between the two countries could meet. Labour MP George Vella asked why Malta did not have a repatriation agreement with Libya, such as the one Italy had. Dr Frendo said that there was no written repatriation agreement between Italy and Libya, but there was a verbal arrangement on repatriation. Malta would continue seeking a repatriation agreement with Libya. Malta was also trying to strengthen its diplomatic links with countries from which the immigrants hailed.

Balancing Low-Cost

FZD spoke about the problems with dealing with low cost airlines. "It is a challenge of handling a revolution in an evolutionary manner," he said at a conference entitled New Developments In Transnational Companies In Travel, Transport And Tourism: Restructuring And Competitiveness. One lesson we and other tourism destinations have learnt is that one should avoid over dependence on one type of business." So. We'll be waiting for a guide on how to 'handle a revolution in an evolutionary manner' unless, as I suspect, it's just another load of bull.

Pieces of Blog

Hermann Majjistral

Mark (currently suffering from a severe case of writer's blog) points out that this letter on the Independent today is incredibly similar to this post by Fausto. An alter ego uncovered or a case of great minds think alike?

Blue Banana Gone

This blogger has become a sad case of "404 not found". His last post was "That Jacques is not funny anymore". I miss listening to the accompanying French tune. Hope he is back for more trading of witty and childish insults.

Wired Temples & Postform

Still no sign of news of the birth of Postform on WT. Strange for a blog that reports all sorts of of links to Maltese blogging. Or maybe Bob is on a break. Ok. I admit it. I only added this to plug postform a bit more.

Missing Links

Some bloggers still fail to reciprocate a link to their blog. Basic netiquette innit? I can almost understand the maltamedia triad's obsession with themselves (and the aboutmalta list) or the policy of some bloggers not to link to anything other than lists of links - but I'd rather have a link in some insulting category (as Bananazzurri had done putting me under the title of Poena Anal Celsus) than have nothing at all. Fhimt Friggieri? Yes add the link and I expect some attempt at witty retort accompanying the addition. :)

Preview (a real scoop)

The folks at the Times of Malta have once again thrown their eyes on the Maltese blogosphere. Look out for next weekend's Weekender featuring yours truly and another two bloggers. Brush up guys, polish your sites and clean those mistakes... the media is coming to town.

Stipends: Show me the money?

Today's Times Editorial discusses the whirlwind reform of the University Stipends system currently being conducted by Louis Galea, Minister of Education in the "Stipendji Shah" government. As a former President of KSU I have been criticised on the blogosphere for having kept my mouth shut on this issue. Until now. My qualms on discussing Stipends is that most people seem to have already decided what I think about them before I even open my mouth. This has always been the case even in that tiring year of 1999 when I shuttled between the most detailed survey on student needs in University (and government history) and my final thesis while striving to obtain as just a system as possible even though I would not partake of any of its returns.

It could be that the reason I could approach this objectively was the fact that I had no vested interest in the matter. The problem of course was that we were stuck with the many labels carried by one-track minded political observers and journalists. Here is a little historical introduction for those who did not follow so closely.

Stipends: The (Not so definitive) History
The Executive I was to preside was elected in May just before the elections that brought about the change of government from MLP to PN. We were elected under the usual cloud of controversy regarding the matter of representation – a discussion that has never abated simply because the controversialists failed to peep closely at the KSU Statute. The Executive in a properly working statute is in fact just that, an executive. For any political decisions (classified under Social Policy and Education) it had to obtain the approval of two Commissions made up of interested parties. This was never understood by most of the nay-sayers who preferred the leftist conspiracy theories to engaging themselves in positive action.

The first task of the new Executive was to try to shed off the image of bias to the PN that it had unavoidably inherited by the questionable Delia Executive. Most people confuse the two executives (and I cannot blame them). The Delia executive is the one that led the students to the streets to protest (and I backed this decision 100%) and subsequently hijacked the whole issue for partisan reasons with disgusting partisan speeches at the end of every March. Delia was on a high at the time and enjoyed the media focus to the extent that he took every chance possible to suck up to the future powers to be and assist the Nationalist cause.

Unfortunately few people realise that Delia and his Executive are not the be all and end all of KSU. Our Executive re-established relations with emarginated associations like Graffitti and Pulse and immediately involved all societies in a Memorandum to Political Parties outlining what students would expect from a newly elected government. As an Executive that was our mandate when the nationalist government of 'stipendji shah' fame came to government. We were responsible to the student organs and the students themselves and could not give two hoots about what each of the parties promised… we knew what we had told them about what we would expect. That was our agenda.

Our agenda was to review the stipend system (taking opportunity of the mess Labour had left with its headless tactics) on the basis of research and need. We came up with two documents: a detailed survey of the needs of every student and a document outlining our vision for Higher Education. Needless to say for the press this was all gobbledegook. All they could see was students asking for money and Nationalist promises and Labour rants and an SDM executive that was supposedly pacifying a PN government. How far from the truth! By the start of the negotiations we knew from reliable sources that John "Money" Dalli wanted to just add a token ten liri on what Labour had given us and thus fulfil the 'Stipendji Shah' promise. It was our work with the survey, our principled approach demonstrating the need of investment and temporary need of incentives to attract more people to HE that won the day. I think we deserve to blow our trumpet when we say that government conceded a stipend system that was much more beneficial than the one it had hoped to impose.

Stipends: The Future
We always knew that the stipend solution of 1999 would be temporary. Stipends are a social tool that need to be adapted to the signs of the times. In 1999 KSU concluded that incentives were still needed to increase the University population. Malta was still lagging far behind developed countries in the students/nation ratio. In 1999 the economic problems for investment in University were not clear. What was clear was that the government would try to play the two against each other: more stipends, less university budget. This was more headless reasoning. Investment in education was an investment in the future. The two went together. So long as there was a need to invest and incentivise the two had to grow together. There would be other areas where we could save.

The wool thrown before the voter's eyes is based on some kind of priority list. At one point the government tried to balance stipends with dockyard pay. One or the other. Like a Pontius Pilate in distress the government would try to play its decision making before the people: Who do you giving money to most? The Students? The Dockyard Workers? Who shall we dispense with today? There was no general planning. No grand design in which investment in R&D, investment in the future of the country was planned and balanced out.

I wonder whether today's reforms are really placed in a grand design. Louis Galea thinks he can get away with saying that some courses will be given priority. On what basis? Is there a continuing structure that will be set up to monitor the job market, the country's needs and the University's performance? This is the same government that applied for the European Union in 1990 and still had not thought of having a course for translators and interpreters by 2005.

I still do not feel competent to discuss Stipends in detail. A year in KSU thought me that the details of a scheme combined with the job market and country's needs is a matter best left to experts. The country needs to ask itself simple questions: does it want to be competitive or will it choose redundancy? Will we labour under the illusion that we are saving money now only to find out we are unable to generate any later? Education costs money, but then so does ignorance. That was my favourite slogan at the time and still is.

Of course we need to reform stipends. It is time to begin to decide on issues like means testing and promoting certain courses. We need to do this intelligently though. This is definitely not an area for the MLPN game to prevail. In my time we started an annual Conference on Higher Education bringing together government, employees and the education sector. We were proud of having taken the initiative and of having created a platform for discussion. Unfortunately I do not see the conference advertised on the KSU site this year. I do hope that the decadence of the wrong side of SDM has not reached KSU once again. And by the wrong side of SDM I mean the long arm of PN which, fortunately, during my stay at SDM was conspicuously in its absence notwithstanding what conspiracy theorists had to say.

Sources:

A web page constructed hastily to provide information to students at the time still exists miraculously. See it here.

Postform link

Non Sequitur #34

Xejn Sew II : idem pour les Zebres

Ogni mattina in Africa, quando sorge il sole, una gazzella si sveglia, sa che dovrà correre più del leone o verrà uccisa. Ogni mattina in Africa, quando sorge il sole, un leone si sveglia e sa che dovrà correre più della gazzella o morirà di fame. Ogni mattina in Africa non importa che tu sia il leone o la gazzella, l'importante è che cominci a correre. (Aldo, Giovanni e Giacomo)

So long as the Lion and the Zebra wake up again....

Non Sequitur #33

Xejn Sew (The Lion Slept Last Night)

Hamrun Spartans brought back memories of their glorious days with a 4-2 triumph over Valletta yesterday at Ta' Qali.

Languishing in the lower half of the table and billed as contenders to flirt with the drop, the Spartans defied the odds and produced their best performance of the season to record their first win over Valletta since December 2002 to re-ignite the once fierce rivalry that existed between these two clubs.

Hamrun built their success on their lightning attacking play and exceptional defensive organisation which saw them deploy the offside game to perfection much to the dismay of the Valletta forwards.

Dulce et Decorum Est (In all honesty)

The subject is postform. Apparently it is so for the last time. At least insofar as Fausto is concerned. I never doubted that FM would not enjoy my reaction and the way I view his way of thinking. It is however encouraging to see that FM went out of his way to emphasise that he too will have no part in the current mediocre political ways and has shot a critical arrow where such criticism is due. It must be my perception that is wrong then and I will gladly change my opinion, all the more to have Fausto on board the postform project. It would if anything boost the idea to have intelligent interlocutors like himself (and I say this in the full knowledge that we still have much on which to disagree) on board.

The team is growing. Until now Pierre, Antoine, Gybexi and David have shown their interest. I can finally remove Gakbu S from the list - he was just filling up space so I could experiment with a template for multiple contributors. It is true, the blogosphere is still small when it comes to talking politics. It is also true that such projects rarely survive. I am banking on the interactivity, the simplicity of the rules and the non-exclusivity and openness of the project in the hope that it will go further.

Apart from beginning the politics it will also be another example that the old lie - that it is sweet and right to listen to what the big parties have to say all the time - is no longer valid. That is why I am hoping that postform can be, at least, a good example of the shape of posts to come.

So there you are. In all honesty... no longer will we tell with such high zest...

Post Scriptum: (and oh... a little aside for Maltagirl... I think Wilfred Owen rocks... his poems are incredible... you can learn to love them even with the most boring of teachers.... he is also a candidate for the Bollettino Hall of Fame... he died on the 4th November 1918 .... the Armistice was signed on the 11th November (a great day) )

When The Gods Come Down To Play III

One weekend.
Two concerts.
Two incredible sensations.
First Patrice on Friday at Nancy.
Today Pink Martini in Luxembourg.
Magnificent.
Really. I'm lost for words!

Patrice - it's a soulstorm!




pink martini - the eclectic superband from portland, oregon.

Here comes the sidestepper

As I wrote the first few posts for postform I wondered what Fausto would come up with this time. Unlike all other bloggers on this end of this sphere Fausto is the only one who has consistently defended the current system of politics. He (or she but I will not keep on repeating that) does not enjoy the presence of the Greens, he argues about the fallibility of coalitions, he finds nothing wrong in the governmental dealings on departure tax and he will automatically take on the role of devil's advocate in defence of the government. The fact that he cannot see the farce in an 'agreement' on electoral boundaries between MLP and PN proves this point as far as I am concerned. I will not even bother to try to explain it to him because, you see.... it is impossible. Within the intelligent musings of the blogger lie the inbred forms of thinking which prevent him to see beyond the miserable sum of all mediocrities we live in today. What I find desperate and depressing is this defence of mediocrity at all costs.

His latest post is a jibe at my project... what he calls my new politics. I will not capitalise the words because they do not deserve capitalisation. They are not my invention and there are too many similar instances occurring around the world for me to claim them as my own.

To begin with there is the issue of 'sidestepping logic'. The breakdown of the De Bono statement is false. De Bono does not imply a wasted millenium. He just implies that we can do much better than what we have been doing until now. If we discard old ways of thinking and adopt open, creative and positive approaches, the new millenium will be better. This does not imply that the old millenium has been wasted. It would be like saying that because the current Juventus is unbeaten and is (at least for now) looking like a perfect winning machine then all other Juventus teams which participated in the filling of the trophy cabinets were wasted, hopeless teams. Non sequitur Fausto, non sequitur.

De Bono does sound presumptious. I mistrusted his books for a very long time. I find his thinking cap sessions patronising and irritating. In an early attempt at reading him I had taken exception to a statement telling me that it is only "persons who presume they are intelligent" that reject his thinking. I only recently rediscovered his writings. Two books in particular "I am right, you are wrong" and "New Thinking for a New Millenium". I will never, ever hold a book aloft and bang it onto people's heads like some bible bashing individual. I just find that these books have good ideas and good content which can be used.

And then postform. The first rule about postform is that you talk about it. It is an open project. It is for everybody to participate. The second rule is to be clear and have an open attitude. Follow the labels. The third rule is that it is not exclusive. You can copy the post from your blog to postform... just tag the title to categorise it in the postform blog. Membership is open just email me if you are interested.

Fausto asked me if it is time to watch Fight Club again. I did... and this quote is for him (or her):

"You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you're satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you've got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug. Then you're trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you."

Blogs mentioned
(or unashamedly advertised)
in this post:

Malta9thermidor
Postform

Non Sequitur #32

les couples savent pourquoi!

Postform

The project has been in my head for quite some time. Recent activity on the blogosphere has shown that the time is right to get it going. It is another building block. This time I am quite confident it can work. More about it later... in the meantime have a nice weekend.

Non Sequitur #31

more anonymous musings from the comments to the last post....

Un utilisateur anonyme a dit…
Kenneth is right. I think that you should give an example and do not spend your working hours blogging. A quick look at the timing of your posts shows that you always blog from work. You are getting paid 7,000 Euros a month from the tax payers pockets. Show some respect.

HERE GOES:

0. Respect.

1. You set an example... you do not give it.

2. The "do" in the second sentence is as superfluous as your comment.

3. The "timing" of my posts. I guess you meant the time when I post.

4. I always blog from work. Yes. Right.

5. I am getting paid €7000 a month. Of course. And I am the King of Denmark and I have a Harem.

6. From the tax payers pockets. Nuh Huh.

7. You do not need a blog account to sign your name at the end of the message (or are you posting a comment from work? :) )

8. Average time spent blogging per day - 25 mins.

9. Average time I leave later from work - 25 mins.

10. Average number of comments posted by Anonyomous simply because they could not find a way to write their name and not because they just could not bear to sign the rubbish they write... Zilch.. Zero... Nada.

11. Time Up. No respect.

Normality Inc.

Thursday 13th October. Nothing really.

How about a normal everyday post for once? Of the kind Toni Sant seems to like, the voyeur kind. The mere mortal's Adrian Mole entry:

Today I woke up early but still got to the office late because I had to clean a stinking cat litter.

Today the weather is still pleasant.

Today I ate an undercooked lamb kebab with piquant rice and potato wedges (that's sodhexo's idea of cooking).

Today I bought two plants for my office... an Opuntia (kaktus tal-bajtra) and a Beucarnea (which I liked because of its bulbuous trunk and rasta leaf-style.

Today I moved around the movables in my office because I hate having my office look (and feel) the same for too long a time (it inhibits my thinking cells).

Today I read yet another "for-once-I-agree-with-Daphne-CG" comment for the hundredth time.

Today is not a Lorna Vassallo Thursday.

Today I did not find the right tie to match my shirt and suit but either nobody cares or everybody is too polite to notice.

Today I had to blog late because the internet system at my office was down.

Today I have to finish writing two reports so this window on normality has to be shut down here.

Thursday 13th October. Nothing really. Just another way of saying "Banana".