Credo

Credo nelle rovesciate di Bonimba, e nei riff di Keith Richards. Credo al doppio suono nel campanello del padrone di casa che vuole l'affitto ogni primo del mese. Credo che ognuno di noi si meriterebbe di avere una madre e un padre che siano decenti con lui almeno finchè non si sta in piedi. Credo che un'Inter come quella di Corso, Mazzola e Suarez non ci sarà mai più, ma non è detto che non ce ne saranno altre belle in maniera diversa. Credo che non sia tutto qua; però, prima di credere in qualcos'altro, bisogna fare i conti con quello che c'è qua: e allora mi sa che crederò primo o poi in qualche dio. Credo che se prima o poi avrò una famiglia sarà dura tirare avanti con trecentomila al mese, però credo anche che se non leccherò il culo come fa il mio caporeparto difficilmente cambieranno le cose. Credo che c'è un buco grosso dentro, ma anche che il rock and roll, qualche amichetta, il calcio, qualche soddisfazione sul lavoro, le stronzate con gli amici, bè, ogni tanto questo buco me lo riempiono. Credo che la voglia di scappare da un paese di ventimila abitanti vuol dire che hai voglia di scappare da te stesso, e credo che da te non ci scappi neanche se sei Eddy Merckx... Credo che non è giusto giudicare la vita degli altri, perchè comunque non puoi sapere proprio un cazzo della vita degli altri. Credo che per credere, certi momenti, ti serve molta energia.

La Honte (j'accuse)

So now the Times has a "special correspondent". His or her job is to write about why the French should shut up and let us mistreat illegal immigrants in peace and look to their own ill-treatments instead. Bravu Cirillu. Le, le... prosit tal-programm.

First congrats should go to the Times. J'accuse has already shown that the Times is not that institution of objective analysis and reliability that its English homonym turns out to be. TGIL's trimensual articles are proof that there is no filter between intray and publication. And now we get Special Correspondents. Let me guess. Anonymous because otherwise the content of their drool will lead to loss of job in government department ddue to violation of ESTA code? Sorry, but anonymity in this case smacks too much of "we could not find anyone to put his name to this drivel".

Secondly, well done to the special correspondent. Even if all he said about France and its treatment of immigrants were true, even if we were to accept the vagueness of arguments that throw in integration and economic protests in the same basket - there is still one problem. What good does that do to Malta and its immigrants?

I mean. Idi Amin was probably a cannibal. Does that allow Gonzi to boil kids for lunch? Berlusconi would only tell him that he is copying the Chinese. Does that make it good? Does it make it any less revolting? I don't give a flying duck about what the French do to their immigrants or what the sans pareils of democracy are perpetrating in Guantanamo bay when it comes to assessing what happens at Safi. This is what I meant in my earlier la Honte posting. The shame of what is happening in Malta does not allow me to raise my head and look elsewhere and see what is happening.

It is natural law and natural rights that tell any reasonable human being that another human being deserves to be treated with dignity and respect for his humanity. No amount of finger pointing will justify an activity that treats them any less.

If anything this is a chance for all those Maltese Supremacists out there to prove that they are better than the French or the Duh!mericans or the English or even the idolised Italians. Otherwise why the fuck should I be proud to be Maltese? Because abortion is illegal? Because I share the same passport nationality as Norman Lowell? Because while we are busy entrenching human life in the constitution we are busy making hundreds of human lives as miserable as possible?

Jeez... with a country like that I'd rather be American and vote Bush.

Non Sequitur #51

"Malta... M come mortacci vostri, A come a li mortacci vostri, L come tutti li mejo mortacci vostri, A come annate a mori` ammazzati voi e li mortacci vostri...Aah, li mortacci loro aho`"

(Ninetto Davoli/Otello Meniconi
in Pasqualino Cammarata Capitano di Fregata,
1973, Mario Amendola)

"Pasqualino Cammarata, figlio di un ammiraglio, è un tipo squinternato. Che farà quando, per l'errore di un computer, gli assegnano il comando di un rimorchiatore? Una farsa scioccherella di gusto discutibile che manca di idee e punta al comico volgarotto e commerciale."

- il Morandini, dizionario del film

"Figlio di un ammiraglio e nipote di un senatore a vita, il comandante Pasqualino Cammarata, è appena tollerato dall'ammiraglio che comanda una caserma di marina, il quale ride delle invenzioni del subalterno; l'istituzione di un corpo speciale di cavalleria marina e l'uso del metodo INSA (istituzione natatoria senza acqua) per le reclute, oltre all'adozione di un computer giapponese (che comanda uno sbarco al porto di Todi anziché di Rodi, o impone la fedeltà al Gatto Atlantico anziché al Patto Atlantico) fa sì che Cammarata (al posto del comandante Sammarata) si imbarchi sul Gabbiano, un rimorchiatore.

Con una ciurma degna del comandante, la navetta si mette in viaggio e, prese a bordo due naufraghe, Dolores e Novella, dirotta su Alicante ove giunge con le macchine in avaria, trainato dal motoscafo Figaro delle due ragazze. L'ammiraglio, avvertito della cosa, corregge l'errore del computer e invia Sammarata a rilevare il comando. Nel frattempo, Cammarata ed i suoi uomini riescono a riempire la città spagnola di pasticci. Come sempre, alla mancanza di capacità spettacolare, il lavoro cerca di rimediare ricorrendo al discutibile mezzo di abbandonare in volgarità, invenzioni di cattivo gusto, in allusioni indelicate ed espressioni triviali. (Segnalazioni cinematografiche)."

- Cinematografo.it

Juve Pitch II - Capello Fever

The much inflated bubble of the "uomo di pieris" burst last Wednesday night as an expensively assembled Juve capitulated to a gunner team that is bubbly, interesting and promising, but not the unbeatable squad that the Juve on-show made them out to be. Granted, I will continue to inveigh at the unpracticality of having a pitch the size of Highbury at European football level but that is no excuse for the non-spirit of the bianconeri over the two legs. Juventus' achilles heel is itself.

It is not just logic, or objective analysis that tells me this. You just have to see the facts. Like Brasil at national level, the only team to defeat Juventus is Juventus itself. The way a perfectly calibrated team, oiled to deliver boring perfection Sunday after Sunday suddenly sputters to a whimpering halt whenever the Champions League hymn is played in their ears is mind boggling. Let's face it, in the first leg Juventus would have lost to Rometta, let alone Arsenal. Any provincial team with guts and a whiff of glory would relish defeating La Vecchia Signora, the pride of club football at its polished best. And they do. On a regular basis. Even when Juve reaches the final with a mixture of luck and a good streak, the knees tend to crumble at the final hurdle.

Brasil will crash to an unexpected defeat out of overconfidence. Juventus for a total lack of it. The key to breaking such karmas is a psychological motivator who can instil confidence with his personality and choices. And unfortunately Don Fabio Capello does none of the two. His stakanovistic approach to the game serves league runs perfectly but when it comes to the cups his total lack of grasp of the turnover, misuse (or non-use of subs) and inability to push the players out of their receding selves have proven to be the last unachievable milestone for the all-conquering Don.

Had he not won a league with the provincials of Italy one would question whether he is only capable of victory with expensively assembled machines of football. Now he is being touted as the next England manager. Or the one after the next. Good luck to England. I think they should take him on to qualify for the European Cup but drop him at the knock out phase. For that you need someone like McClaren.

Yes, McClaren. Steve McClaren. He is the boss of Middlesborough. The team that knocked out the invincible Rometta from the UEFA Cup. The team that lost 7-0 to Arsenal in this moment of Gunner Grace. But the same team that overturned a 0-2 deficit against FC Basle to a 4-1 victory yesterday night. And to think that things started badly for Steve's XI. They were one goal down to Basle and virtually out. At that point a Juve team would have capitulated and blamed the weather while Capello would introduce Balzaretti and Birindelli as attacking subs while leaving Olivera to sit it out on the bench. McClaren instead chose to go for an all out attack. He must have whispered sweet words to the Boro team at half time over the usual cuppa. But it worked. Boro are through with dreams of glory (and also in the QF of the FA Cup).

Juve meanwhile will be winning their 29th scudetto unless all goes awry. Which puts things a bit in perspective. The whistles at the Delle Alpi where ungrateful. I do not agree with supporters who twist and turn with every fortune or mishap. That is the stuff of the provincials - who would actually be proud of such antics. Lessons must be learnt. Among them is the need to build a cup team and the moves for Steven Gerrard are definitely in the right direction. Players must be shown that fighting for the ball is what they are paid for and we must find the new pitbulls and soldatini in the likes of the new Davids or Di Livio.

And then we must either let Capello off with a clap and a handshake or get the old Don to change some of his hardy ways. We will draw the final accounts at the end of the season... it is easy for others to gloat over Juve's Champion's league misfortune but then they are trying to minimise their own team's underachievements by looking in other directions.

Finally, the World Cup is coming up and since these pages will soon be turning green and yellow it is good to note that the eight teams that got to the Quarter Finals of this year's Champion's League had one thing in common - they all fielded at least one Brasilian player. The Champion's League may be Europe's best trophy but it will always take that little bit of extra South American magic to go the full mile!

Di-ve's new depths

The trial of Joseph Fenech continues as one of Malta's most notorious criminals puts on his best sheep's clothing and attempts to convince the court that his philanthropic efforts in jail against drug abuse were the reasons behind a sound beating that he received. But the funniest thing today must be di-ve's report. I give you the last few lines with my red highlights:

Mr. Fenech said that in division 5, there is always a strong smell of heroin. He alleged that the inmates consumed drugs in a room which had to be used as a gym. Recounting the events that occurred on the day of the incident, Mr.Fenech said that he was about to shave when he noticed five men standing by the gate of the division. The men entered his cell and assaulted him. A Libyan man and David Monsigneur helped him before the prison staff arrived and the five men were moved to division six. After Fenech's testimony, another inmate David Monsigneur took the witness stand. He said that Fenech used to complaint about the terrible state of the showers. He added that he help him to stand up when he was beaten up. However, Mr.Monsigneur failed to identify the assailants. At this point, Joseph Fenech was heard saying that certain inmates "would sell their own mother for a bar of smack".


Just one question: Who's who in the following part of the report?

He added that he help him to stand up when he was beaten up.

All complaints to be addressed to pcachia@di-ve.com. Sample letter attached:

Dear Paul Cachia,
I write you in order so that to explained that the constant continuous massacre of the english grammar is distressive to my thinking and contrary to my savoir faire. I like for them to be written in better more comprehensive diction for the common people to be able to apprehend what is being subjected in your convolutionised sentences that pass for journalism. I admit that the state of journalising in Malta leaves much to be beggared for but I still am impressioned that you manage to elevate the amount of errored phrases to a stratospheric level that would make a Lorna flush.


always yours
INSERT NAME HERE

J'Ose: Disposable Evidence

While reading Daphne's piece on the Independent today, this particular part of the article got me thinking:

"The reason is that while the police and the government could prevent journalists from going into the sleeping and eating quarters of the detainees (this being Malta, where there is scant respect for the role the press plays in society), they could not similarly prevent the Civil Liberties Committee delegation. It would have looked as though they had something to hide, which is precisely how it looked when they prevented the press from going in. They still tried it on with the delegation, though, telling them not to take photographs so as to respect the privacy of the detainees. Then, as one of them told a news conference afterwards: “The detainees themselves were begging us to take pictures, to show everyone the kind of squalor in which they are being kept.”

It is true that unless some people in Malta get a voyeurist pictographic peek at the appalling conditions of the detention centres they will not be moved to push for change. And the government and military know this. That is why journalists or visiting inspectors are not allowed to take photos : forget all the balderdash about the respect to privacy.

So here is our idea. Not too daring admittedly, but it should be workable. Someone in Malta (I suggest AD but any NGO will do) should set up a fund and collect money for a special cause. What cause? Well it's simple. We will buy presents for the detainees. Very special presents. We will buy them disposable cameras to take photos of their wonderful stay on our hospitable island. The aim? A souvenir of our hospitality. Let's see the army argue "respect of privacy" this time round.

Next step is to use the next part of the fund to print the photos as an added service to the detainees. All in the respect of everyone's privacy since all photos will be taken by the detainees themselves.

And should the Army not allow such cameras to be given or prints to be printed then we know which MEP's to call don't we? The same ones who gave a standing ovation to President Fenech Adami yesterday at Strasbourg.

Cheeeeeese!

Duh!

From today's Times:

"The vast majority of respondents to an online poll by The Times believe that low-cost airlines would make a crucial or significant contribution to tourism (...)

One respondent said Malta has become like a prison because it is very expensive to travel. Another said the Maltese are being deprived from their freedom of movement through the lack of low-cost airlines and high taxes.

If a Maltese person has to fork out Lm55 in taxes along with the price of the ticket, low-cost airlines will have little effect," a respondent said. "We can no longer be held hostage by the national airline," another commented, adding that people do not travel to Malta because low-cost airlines were taking them to other countries."

Thus spake the Republicans, harketh the government?

Meridiana - The Low Cost Breakthru?

So, a day after the government announces the fantabulous profits made off the backs of unseasoned travellers like the Maltese people we get the wonderful news that some seasoning may be had via the new Low-Cost Airlines that will shortly be flying to Malta. Yahoo! What seems to be a little breakthrough in the battle for sensible travelling conditions for Maltese citizens turns out to be a little red herring. And here's why:

1. Meridiana flights as per Times advertorial article are advertised as having prices starting from €29. That's practically Lm12. Mind-boggling. Attractive even.

2. Pop over to the Meridiana.com site and you see the wonders of choice. Firstly you get to fly to Bologna. Which is not a kick in the face. Not at all. Secondly you can fly on Sundays or Thursdays. Which does give you weekend accessibility (better than, for examply Luxair offers to Malta which force you to take one-week breaks).

3. Then you click for a flight. You choose your trip. And we went for a weekend break Malta-Bologna from the 1st to the 4th of July.

4. The company is true to its word. Both going and coming the cost of the flight is €29. A total of €58 for Meridiana's coffers plus €3 service charge which brings you up to €61 that go to Meridiana for flying you to Italy. Still a good deal for a weekend break.

5. Then you look at the little box called taxes and airport fees. Aha. Let's start with incoming. In order to leave from Bologna airport, the total cost is €47.62. That's around Lm17. Pas mal. Then your glance shifts to the airport fees and taxes box relating to the Malta International Airport. The cost? You guessed it. €100.61. That magical number. Lm40. Almost twice the cost of the plane ticket.

So here is the breakdown:

Ticket cost: €61

Italian airport costs and taxes: €47.62

Maltese airport costs and taxes: €100.61

Magical Total for a Flight advertised as "From €29" - €209.23.

Still yahooing? Just for kicks we went to the Airmalta website. We checked out a flight to Rome on the same days and times (airmalta does not do Bologna of course). The results page included Alitalia options and prices in USD. J'accuse does the conversion for you too!

AirMalta Direct : $383 (including $150 taxes) [€312]

AirMalta Connecting : $529 [€431]

Alitalia Direct: $346 [€281]

Alitalia Connecting: $358 [€291]

What conclusions to draw:

1. Low cost airlines will cost less than AirMalta even when the taxes are factored in.

2. Maltese airport taxes are exorbitantly high (in this case twice that of Bologna airport)

3. Advertising is still deceptive and the OFT will remain dormant.

4. The airport taxes will go to subsidise Airmalta's unsustainability even though this unsustainable enterprise provides no direct benefit to Maltese travellers.

5. Will there be a trademark issue about the name Meridiana?

Finally. My personal concern about cheap flights is less about bringing tourists to Malta than about sending islanders to the continent to get a breath of fresh air. Within this context I am less concerned about increasing the number of tourists to Malta than I am with the possibility of Maltese being afforded the chance to broaden their horizons.

Malta International Airport: Where don't you want to go today?

Depature Tax Profits

Kenneth pointed out this di-ve article yesterday:

Almost Lm580,000 collected in departure taxes in the first two months of 2006
Following a parliamentray question posed by Carmelo Abela, Prime Minister Lawrence Gonzi said that during the first two months of 2006 the Government collected a total of Lm579,654 in departure taxes. Lawrence Gonzi said that there were no exemptions from the imposed Lm10 departure tax.

Well. At least your travel money goes for a good cause. At this rate the government will have enough money to support an ailing Air Malta business that flies you anywhere at triple the average prices on the European mainland.

Did I hear you say catch-22?

* Painting: The Rest on the Flight to Egypt, Caravaggio

Berluscoglioni

"Ho troppa stima dell'intelligenza degli italiani per pensare che ci siano in giro così tanti coglioni che possano votare contro i propri interessi - Scusate il linguaggio rozzo ma efficace".*

- Silvio Berlusconi - meeting with Confcommercio 40 mins ago

Free translation:
"My esteem for the intelligence of the Italians leads me to think that there cannot be so many idiots (literal word used is "balls") who could vote against their own interests (referring to voters of the left) - excuse my rude but efficient language".

Indhil Barrani (foreign interference)

Do you know what Chapter 300 of the Laws of Malta is about? Enacted at the height of Socialist Malta, the Foreign Interference Act it was intended to "regulate the limitations on the political activity of aliens". In 1982, it was imperative for the government of the day to limit interventions by politicians from the country of World Football Champions that might in some way criticise whatever is happening in Malta. As Aliens they had no right to speak about our island internecene squabbles. Tindahlux! (Do not interfere/meddle!)

We have always had this thing about the foreigner. Il-barrani. Our word for foreigner in this case is better translated as "the outsider" - the one beyond the barrier. The alien who comes from across the sea that keeps us so warmly encapsulated and shielded from whatever ills exist beyond our island of utopic perfection. In 1982 we had foreign politicians telling Dom and his band of Merry Socialists that theirs was not such a happy republic after all. Dom, still not in the libelling trade at the time, had shifted his concerns to blocking out this criticism and telling the Italian Gorla's to stick their noses up their own culi.

Fast forward to 2006. We still do not like foreigners much. We still think of them in two distinct categories (a) money bags or (b) vermin. The first category normally comes from the north and will only be scorned at when his tipping habits fall short of the 10%. The second category arrives in boat loads. In both cases we shield them from the inhabitants. The first has glorious non-environment friendly buildings built for his accomodation and consumption, eating away at public land and public property. The second is placed in sub-standard detention at His President's Pleasure and can wait up to eighteen months to find out whether his stay in this extension of hell has been worthwhile all not.

We actually joined the AIDS carrying foreigners with the promises of investment and new roads and wealth dangled infront of us like a carrot. This week we went to their Parliament, which is now also ours and transformed a debate about the poor people in the detention centres into a debate about the small island that is infested with vermin and cannot cope. Our 5 MEPS probably pleaded with Ze Germans to unearth the Pied Piper of Hamelyn who would whisk away the problem for our shores and make it someone else's.

What surprised me is the language of the debate until now. Are we such a sorry country that we can justify leaving people in squallid conditions for years just because nobody was there to hold our hand and show us how to do it right? Are we able to look ourselves in the face and say that this is our Melita of milk and honey when we cannot provide basic living conditions to those in need?

That Europe has a duty to assist Malta with regards to the flood of immigrants that use us as a stepping stone towards the continent is beyond any doubt. But that we act the victims in this sad scene is unpardonable. That we shut our eyes infront of the inhuman treatment that we have afforded to guests is atrocious. It is a sign of a decaying society. Once again I repeat that I am not proud to be Maltese at this point in time. The farce of the MEPs who stress on aid (to Malta) and do not also stress on the need to treat humans humanly is beyond me. Even more of a farce when they trumpet collaboration on the MLPN front to effectively tone down criticism of Malta from the EPP and Socialist front.

In the desert, to the South of our pretentious island, there is a implied rule. Anyone visiting an oasis is to be welcomed as one of the family. The visitor is to be cared for, fed and nurtured before he ventures back out to battle against nature. Nobody is your enemy in the oasis. The same applies to tents. Visitors are afforded the highest status. Read your bible if you doubt this. It is a rule that centres around an instinct. Survival.

Because today you could be the host. Next time... you could be the visitor.

Related Post: Il-Ponta ta' Santa Marija (kinnie&twistees)

40013976974

We've all heard about Hogan's disdain at the Mintoff libel award and about Hogan's conspiracy theory that libel awards are there to put Maltatoday out of business. So he started a Libel Fund. A libel fund where you pay money into a bank account at the Bank of Valletta (the number is the title of today's post) and in return any punishment for Salvu's Sullied Salvos will be guaranteed a slush fund of running cash, thus allowing Hogan's indiscriminate name-dropping to continue unhindered along with shoddy "opinionating". A bit like j'accuse with the cash thrown in to boot.

But. And there is always a but, isn't there? A quick look through past opinionating sessions decked out in Salvu's Inimitable Style unearths a few gems which cannot be ignored:

19th February 2006:
In a central interview in our paper this morning Dr Josie Muscat lets known that in his opinion the two political parties are in the hands of a very few number of people. The reference is clear that big party donors are influencing party policy in crucial areas. It is time to bring these party donations out into the open. It is an open secret that big business interests are funding the two major political parties. Running their mega political organisations cannot be met simply from the collection of member’s annual fees and revenues of their commercial organisations. No one believes this and even few are prepared to take the secretary generals of both parties on their word when they say they are auto-financed. They are not and never will be.

The time has come in the name of a strengthened democracy for legislation to be enacted whereby all donations received are to be included in published party accounts and for the state to start financing up to a given established amount, the political parties. This is both acceptable and necessary in the name of our democracy. Political parties are necessary players in any democracy. Their very survival and progress will further strengthen our democracy.

The present situation is unacceptable. Major contractors and other big business exponents are funding the parties and as a result influencing and possibly dictating the policies of the parties. This claim will no doubt be denied by both parties but the evidence is all too clear. A pocketful of people, irrespective of their political allegiance, simply puts them in a politically privileged position. Colour allegiance seems to be of little concern. It is the manifestation of where blue and red meets.Publishing of donors lists is the order of the day in most European countries. All privileged positions of the political parties should be revisited.

Why are the parties excluded from the stringent data protection laws? Why are the parties given a list after the elections informing them which persons on the electoral list did not vote? Why were the parties given a broadcasting license while no more frequencies exist for private entrepreneurs? The privileged position of political parties needs to be revisited. People are far more concerned on how they are financed than on the publication of each other’s confidential documents.

Now that's a big mouthful from the Savonarola of the Persecuted Media. And I could not agree more. Donations should be public and open. Look at what is happening to Blair's government in the UK for an example. But what is good for the goose is good for the gander. A newspaper is a public organ in its own way. If we are going to be having people stuffing Salvo's purse for him to continue shooting from the hip in his favourite fashion then I guess we the readers are also entitled to know whether or not his latest vitriolic attack on the next anointed victim is inspired by a dough dealer who satisfactorily satiated Salvo's libel needs.

Unfortunately there is no sign of transparency from Vjal ir-Rihan, rather, the libel fund page guarantees two things: (a) acknowledgement of the donation (a receipt) and (b) confidentiality. Lovely Saviour.

Now let me see. How should I put it. Practice what you preach? People in glasshouses shouldn't throw stones? Never look a gift horse in the mouth - just list his name publicly!

Bon Anniversaire Melanie!

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,

And summer's lease hath all too short a date.

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,

And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;

And every fair from fair sometime declines,

By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;

But thy eternal summer shall not fade

Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;

Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,

When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,

So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

*with thanks and eternal acknowledgement to Bill

for one of the most beautiful poems of love ever!

the New Reyev

Last week theatre. This week I beg readers to have patience as the blogging rate will surely slow down while I attend my introductory course to classical dancing. Now... where did I put my tights?

Non Sequitur's :L is for 50

The Original Forward (XXV Non Sequiturs)
Non Sequitur, latin for "it does not follow". A Non Sequitur is a statement that normally jars with the flow of thought in a particular discussion. It can also be present in a monologue or presentation when a particular part of the argument again does not fit in the general theme. In Maltese a Non Sequitur is normally followed by "X'ghandu x'jaqsam?" which can be closely translated as "What does this have to do with what we have just been saying?". Non Sequitur is also a brilliant comic strip by Wiley Miller which features the hero Obviousman.

In J'Accuse the regular Non Sequitur feature is used to place irrelevant titbits of factual information or as a comic pause between posts. As its title implies it is generally a bit of information which does not require any further comment. It is not Blogging for the sake of Blogging. I love a good Non Sequitur as much as any other post which is appreciated by others.

And now… L for 50
And now we have reached 50. The chronicle continues and the Non Sequitur's will never stop. I have considered moving this corner of "j'accuse" to "the laughing fit" but I consider it the cartoon section of my column so it is here to stay.

Here is the updated list of all 50 Non Sequiturs that appeared until now in J'accuse!

50. 31st March 2006
The Jum il-Helsien Non Sequitur
It's all nationalist propaganda

49. 28th February 2006
The Weapons vs Aid Non Sequitur
US v. EU

48. 25th February 2006
The Bananas Non Sequitur
Guess the song II

47. 24th February 2006
The Jaws vs. Star Wars Non Sequitur
Guess the song

46. 12th February 2006
The Carnival & Criminal Law Non Sequitur
Nadur and the code

45. 11th February 2006
The Interesting Facts Non Sequitur
Koala fingerprints?

44. 1st February 2006
The Population density Non Sequitur
Wikipedia Report

43. 27th January 2006
The Bidu Gdid Non Sequitur
CTRL & ALT & DEL

42. 27th January 2006
The Dun Karm on Ewro Non Sequitur
Lil Huti Maltin

41. 26th January 2006
The Writer's Block Non Sequitur
Garcia Marquez

40. 12th December 2005
The Love Non Sequitur
Stomach

39. 6th December 2005
The Issa Daqshekk Non Sequitur
Tony Zarb cannot find fax machine in Bxl

38. 29th November 2005
The Limbo Non Sequitur
Church banishes limbo

37. 23rd November 2005
The Press Review Non Sequitur
Nationalist's awarded EU Contract

36. 16th November 2005
The Handing over Power Non Sequitur
Iraq cartoon

35. 26th October 2005
The Il Novissimo Gobbo Non Sequitur
Juve book launched

34. 19th October 2005
The Xejn sew II Non Sequitur
Juve gloom

33. 18th October 2005
The Xejn Sew Non Sequitur
Valletta City gloom

32. 16th October 2005
The Les Couples Non Sequitur
Savent pourqoi

31. 13th October 2005
The Answering Mr Anonymous Non Sequitur
Stipendously wasted

30. 11th October
The The Far Side Non Sequitur
News but not as we know it

29. 8th October 2005
The Looking down the barrel of a gun Non Sequitur
Racism is schism on the serious tip

28. 4th October 2005
The ANR protest Non Sequitur
The interviews

27. 3rd October 2005
The Valletta embarrass Hibs Non Sequitur
Non ci posso credere

26. 30th September 2005
The Matthew Vella Non Sequitur
And other penises

25. 29th September 2005
The Opportuniste Non Sequitur
Eyes, Ears, Mouth are sealed.

24. 29th September 2005
The Spam Non Sequitur
It's the Spam that fills our lives. The background noise, the chaos we escape from.

23. 11th September 2005
The Valletta Non Sequitur
Sporting factoids, the thrills of weekend afternoons.

22. 7th September 2005
The Microsoft Purchase Non Sequitur
VOIP. Microsoft buying our future.

21. 5th September 2005
The Faulty Sources Scoop Non Sequitur
Attard Previ on TV? Tell me something I don't know.

20. 30th August 2005
The Lux Can Do It Non Sequitur
Anonymous tennis from Luxembourg.

19. 29th August 2005
The Guernica Non Sequitur
Advertising the plight of the human race. Save us from ourselves.

18. 27th August 2005
The Malta Hanina Non Sequitur
Compassion.

17. 12th August 2005
The Derby Draw Non Sequitur
See you next round.

16. 8th August 2005
The Passport Non Sequitur
In a world full of risks your passport is just a stamp and photo album.

15. 3rd August 2005
The State of the Blogosphere Non Sequitur
The other big bang.

14. 2nd August 2005
The Death of the G-String Non-Sequitur
On a not so fashionable note?

13. 28th July 2005
The Parking Non Sequitur
Luxembourg-Malta proportions.

12. 25th July 2005
The Google Matthew Vella Non Sequitur
That joke will always be funny.

11. 24th July 2005
The Malta Censor Non Sequitur
Bathing costumes on the Maltese silver screen.

10. 17th July 2005
The In Paceville Non Sequitur
What is there in Paceville?

9. 11th July 2005
The Elitism Non Sequitur
Lupus in Fabula.

8. 11th July 2005
The Panama Hat Non Sequitur
Ah! Bocca's is white not shitty brown.

7. 9th July 2005
The Xifer Non Sequitur
It's Mark, Jim, but not as we know him.

6. 8th July 2005
The No Roms in Malta Non Sequitur
Minorities conspicuous in their absence.

5. 4th July 2005
The 4th of July Non Sequitur
Oh Say can you see…

4. 1st july 2005
The Arabidopsis Thaliana Non Sequitur
The Human Genome Project… you are not an insect.

3. 29th June 2005
The Luxembourg Weather Non Sequitur
Weather non sequitur… get it?

2. 28th June 2005
The Polish Plumber Non Sequitur
… and Sicilian carpenters.

1. 26th June 2005
The Real Estate Non Sequitur
It's cheaper to buy in France.

Non Sequitur #50

Jum il-Helsien

31.03.79

Freedom Day

Happy Freedom Day
... to all those who still do not get the joke
...to all those who are free to vote MLPN
...to all those who still think that Mintoff kicked out the British army & NATO
... to all those who believe that the non-renewal of a contract merits some heroic medal
... to all those who love the carnival float of a monument
... to all those who will think I am a nationalist bastard just because I think Freedom Day sucks
... to all those who think I am an unpatriotic punk
... to all those who will not go watch the Regatta
... to all those who do not think Republic and Independence day are enough
... to all those who are tempted to start a string of apologetic comments
... to Fausto who will come up with some historic correction
... to diehard Labourites
... to anyone who once formed part of the Brigati Laburisti
... to anyone who once formed part of Dirghajn il-Maltin
... to anyone who thinks Mintoff's thick black glasses and belt are funky
... to the cactus, the oar and the luzzu under a hot sun
... to the government
... to the opposition
... to the bloody rest


"sono troppo stitico per fare lo stronzo"
- Caparezza, Habemus Capa

L'Union Européenne

Go Slow Sweet Charabanc

One reason I knew that the European Union would be the right way for the Republic (of Malta of course) was that it would provide the necessary pressure for our lax governments to take decisions that are long overdue. Disappointment began to set in with the derogations that our governments so bravely "obtained" for our people. Hunting is one obvious area which "springs" to mind. We also found ways to deter the free movement of persons by punishing our citizens for planning any holiday other than a trip to Gozo.

Competition law and the free market are deeply intertwined with the law of the European Union in order that the consumer (read citizen) reaps maximum benefit. The liberalisation of markets, when done efficiently can be beneficial to the citizen and can provide that efficiency we lack.

The EU is planning a new directive to liberalise public transport. In order to put transport providers on their toes and hopefully give a better service to consumers, the EU Commission is suggesting a directive that would oblige member states to issue competitive contracts for public transport every eight years. Now. Stop to think for two seconds. What do you think the Malta government's gut reaction to this proposal would be?

"Malta is resisting an EU proposal intended to liberalise the provision of public transport services and has put forward amendments in order to keep the possibility of granting the provision of the bus service directly to the Public Transport Association."

(...)

Mr Mugliett said that although the government is in favour of having a contract every eight years between the Malta Transport Authority and the Public Transport Association, regulating the level of public service to be given, the government still wishes to keep the option open of granting such contract by direct order.

Asked to specify why the government is taking this stand instead of opting for a total liberalisation of the service, Mr Mugliett said the government has invested millions of liri over the past years so that bus owners improve their services and buy new buses.

"We invested all these taxes so that the service improves. We still think the Public Transport Association can give a good service and we want to leave the door open for this to happen."
Mr Mugliett said that in the prevailing circumstances, the government is lobbying the EU to be more flexible in its exceptions and is suggesting an increase in the thresholds of the value of the network to €3 million. If this were to be accepted the government could still issue a contract by direct order to the present operators."

What is so special about this bloody island of ours? How will we get away once again with convincing the EU that our citizens merit being considered as second class citizens? Can Jesmond Mugliett really think that we are so stupid? How does he think that he can convince us that because he has been flushing money down the PTA drain all this time then it is too late to change this habit of putting OUR money to waste while he is chauffeur driven all over the island to spurt out such circum tauri?

For heaven's sake. Are "we the people" so bloody ignorant? I'd love to be able to say that they are taking us for a ride.

... but in fact they aren't.

...their pompous brains and shit-spouting arses are so commingled that they can't even get a bloody decent transport system on an island 316 kilometres squared to work.

Nota bene: The management would like to apologise for the quality of language used in this post. The nature of the news and the absurdity of certain statements have made us see red. Normal operations will be resumed as soon as possible.

Symbiosis

Every now and then we need a story to brighten up our lives. I do not remember where I heard about this first but I am truly fascinated by this story of a Hippo called Owen that cohabits with a tortoise called Mzee (the wise one). Apparently the Hippo was rescued in Kenya and was placed in a park where he adopted Mzee, a male tortoise, as his adoptive mother. Read the web log here to discover the fascinating symbiosis that has developed.

All together now.... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Photo taken from the Weblog - in foreground the tortoises Mzee (l) and Toto (r) and in background a rather shy Owen.

Ariadne's Indian English

Ariadne Massa interviews Roger Moore in today's Times. At one point she has this to say about the former Bond actor:

"Strangely enough, The Man with the Golden Gun has never liked guns and the image of him holding a weapon is not one he is particularly keen on promoting, especially since he did not wish to come across as a gun-totting hero with the younger generation."

There must be something about Times journalists (present or past) and India. At first I thought Massa's was slip, a typo - you see. "Gun-totting" instead of "gun toting" just involves an extra shake on the "t" doesn't it. But then a quick google to dispel any doubts turns up a surprising result. The "totting" error is in fact quite common in Kerala, India where the correspondents insist on the double-t. Ah well... still... Moore seems to have enjoyed his stay.

Jerdugh Highbury?

Fingers crossed and all that. The title worked last time round. In the picture Liam Brady - ex-Arsenal player who won as many Italian scudetti in two years at Juventus as AS Roma did in half a century. Sometimes you just know which team to play for!

Go Mobile Indeed

This blog has made it a habit of criticising the governmental policy on travel. The cumulative effect of Airport Charges and Government Departure Taxes amounting to Lm40 has been well documented in J'Accuse as being a disincentive to travel. Today we will discuss another minor (albeit important) punishment inflicted on persons just because they have chosen to travel - roaming charges for mobile phones. Here is what EU Telecoms Commissioner Viviane Reding had to say about roaming charges at the EU Summit last week:

"This [roaming charges] is one element of the internal market that does not work because it is punishment for people who go abroad - whether they are businessmen or students".

You will be glad to hear that Malta is not the only offender in this category, however it will not be too surprising that here too we come out tops. Champions. Champion chargers that is. And here is a little table to show you:

Typical range of prices (in British £) charged by mobile operators in the country named when their users make a four-minute call home. In each case the tariff range was taken from a random selection of 4 EU member countries in September 2005:

UK - 2.37 - 5.66

Austria - 1.46 - 6.53

Belgium - 1.62 - 4.95

Cyprus - 2.04 - 8.29

Czech Rep. - 2.47 - 6.01

Denmark - 0.46 - 4.19

Estonia - 8.32 - 2.36

Finland - 0.14 - 4.76

France - 2.95 - 4.13

Germany - 2.16 - 4.10

Greece - 3.28 - 5.56

Hungary - 2.88 - 3.76

Ireland - 1.32 - 6.33

Italy - 2.75 - 5.50

Latvia - 1.54 - 4.98

Lithuania - 2.02 - 7.11

Luxembourg - 3.25 - 6.61

Malta - 3.44 - 9.00

Netherlands - 2.20 - 3.80

Poland - 2.38 - 5.58
Portugal - 2.34 - 4.27

Slovakia - 2.45 - 5.62

Slovenia - 2.19 - 5.78

Spain - 1.93 - 4-95

Sweden 1.38 - 3.58

Unbelievable but true. Malta comes out tops in both cases. The lowest price available in Malta is still higher than the lowest prices in all the other 24 countries. Needless to say the most expensive 4 minute call home when roaming can only be registered on a bill in Malta. Nine English Pounds.

Now let's keep calm. Apparently the whole market is to blame. Apparently prices do not reflect real conditions and Ms Reding suspects that they are inflated. So let us say that all the operators in all the Member States deserve a slap on the hand. But can we be so damned unlucky as to have the most expensive bastards of the lot?

Regulation anyone?

Apologia Pro Blog Meo

People often ask you why you are obsessed with blogs. Why do you take up issues political and criticise as though you had a god given right to do so - and in a paternalistic tone to boot. What makes you tick and type? What makes you transform that indignation at that latest news item into a blog post of criticism or condemnation? What makes you reply to the myriad apologists that inevitably surface when you point your (feeble) barrels at an unheeding bureaucracy that seems to be capable to drive your nation into the mire? What forces of sadistic negativity push you to expose your nation's weakest ills in a public place?

I know. I know that I want to act. I know that this is not enough. I know that this miserable page read by a dedicated few will never break through to the barriers of ignorant decadence that seem to be the only construction work that has succeeded in the island I call home. But the urge to do and not stand there requires that I chronicle the bad and the misguided in the hope that somewhere somehow eyes begin to be opened. Otherwise I cannot point the accusing finger at the oppressive American in Guantanamo, the intolerant Muslim Extremist burners of all, the intransigence of the Vatican, the insensitivity of the West, the atrocities of the Eastern dictatorships, the disgraceful laxitudes in the Sub-Sahara or any other act where stupidity, ignorance and decadent civilisation raises its ugly head. I cannot call shame unto others when my head hangs low with the shameful face that I still cannot bear not to call home.

So this blog will continue to chronicle the ugly, the bad and the obnoxious. To hang the dirty linen and call for change. J'accuse will unfortunately have to report that which the main stream media seems unwilling to show, which the government seems all too willing to cover up and which the opposition can only vaguely splutter about without any concrete proposal of assertive action should it one day be in the driving seat.

Unfortunately, in times like this the will to continue to joke is lost. There are times when merriment makes way for sadness and anger. We must continue to chronicle and criticise. If only to show that it is not such a mad, mad (and surreal - thanks David) world.

Nevertheless, except you share

With them in hell the sorrowful dark of hell,

Whose world is but the trembling of a flare

And heaven but as the highway for a shell,

You shall not hear their mirth:

You shall not come to think them well content

By any jest of mine. These men are worth

Your tears. You are not worth their merriment.

Last lines of "Apologia Pro Poemate Meo" - Wilfred Owen

La Honte (il-Misthija)

Da Liberazione (quotidiano comunista italiano) (grazzi Markus):

Ecco la Cayenna dei migranti. E’ a Malta, è peggio della Cayenna

Il centro di detenzione Safi Barracks è una gigantesca gabbia dove i migranti vivono come bestie. Quando i militari maltesi aprono il lucchetto decine di africani ci accolgono urlando «freedom», «liberté». Si avvicinano con occhi ansiosi, è un coro ininterrotto di «aiutateci, qui dentro non possiamo vivere, soffriamo troppo». Sulle grate hanno appeso un lenzuolo: “Dio giudicherà Malta per ciò che fa ai migranti”. L’odore dei loro corpi - lavati con una sola saponetta al mese in bagni spaventosi - è insopportabile. Nelle camerate dormono in materassi lerci, i più fortunati dispongono di lenzuola ormai gialle di sporcizia; vivono qui da mesi senza sapere perché, senza vedere medici, avvocati, volontari delle ong. Un’ora d’aria al giorno, a volte nemmeno quella «se non fanno i bravi». Senza un libro o un giornale da leggere, né una penna per scrivere; c’è una televisione in fondo al ballatoio, ma non una panca per sedersi a guardare l’unico canale - in maltese. «Diventeremo pazzi». Alcuni, pazzi, lo sono diventati già. Non ce la facevano più a sopportare l’attesa, 18 mesi di carcere perché sei illegale e con l’unica chance di ottenere l’asilo politico, a Malta. Non ce la facevano più: sono usciti di senno, i militari li hanno forzati a firmare un foglio, e poi se li sono portati via. Dove? Mohammed mostra una bacinella da bucato: all’interno ci sono avanzi di riso in bianco e patate bollite a fette. «Guarda cosa ci danno da mangiare. Ogni giorno gli stessi cibi: macaroni e riso. Carne mai, né verdura, solo qualche mela». Poi ne prende un pugno e lo mette in bocca. «Non abbiamo forchette, né piatti». Solo una gavetta per il Lipton, come chiamano il té. Un sudanese si tocca il petto, ha l’asma ma gli hanno dato un medicinale scaduto il mese scorso. Si tratta di un campione gratuito, italiano. Durante la visita numerosi migranti ci faranno vedere pasticche, sciroppi e aspirine, tutti scaduti. I malati gravi sono a letto: non riescono a unirsi alla concitazione; uno soffre di gozzo, un altro è diabetico, un altro ancora ha una bolla nell’occhio: «Mi hanno dato una pomata, ma non è passato». La Convenzione di Ginevra sui rifugiati stabilisce che i malati sono “vulnerabili” e hanno la precedenza. Non dovrebbero stare in carcere. Eppure il governo conservatore di La Valletta assicura, nella voce del tenente colonnello Brian Gatt, un uomo di due metri, che il Safi in realtà è il luogo più decente. Perché negli altri centri di Malta succede di peggio: dietro le sbarre finiscono, per mesi e mesi, anche bambini e donne incinta. E un uomo sta diventando cieco senza che un medico lo venga a visitare. Nel Tà Kandja proprio nel giorno della visita della commissione Diritti Civili Giustizia e Affari Interni del Parlamento Europeo un gruppo di migranti si è ribellato, nella colluttazione un soldato ha quasi perso un dito. E sempre nel pomeriggio, giusto quando la delegazione di Bruxelles usciva dal palazzo signorile del ministero della Giustizia e Interni, novanta africani sono fuggiti dal centro La Floriana scatenando un caccia all’uomo nelle vie dell’elegante centro storico. Da mesi i migranti sono in agitazione permanente, si sono auto-organizzati e provocano tumulti, o fanno lo sciopero della fame. Ci vuol poco a capire che dal 2004, quando la commissione per i diritti dell’uomo di Strasburgo scrisse un rapporto severo sulle condizioni dei richiedenti asilo a Malta, le cose non sono cambiate di una virgola. I maltesi, anzi, sono diventati insofferenti. Ai prigionieri che scappano dalle grinfie della polizia gridano: «Bisognerebbe bruciarli in piazza» e «Ringraziate che vi diamo ospitalità». Il razzismo è diventato un problema politico, e un partito alternativo ai conservatori e ai laburisti si sta facendo strada a colpi di slogan xenofobi. Il governo dell’isola non nasconde la crisi causata dai migranti. Crisi che si è acutizzata dal 2004, anno dell’entrata nell’Unione Europea, trasformando così questa terra nella porta principale tra l’Africa mediterranea e il vecchio continente. Il ministro della Giustizia e dell’Interno Tonio Borg snocciola dati perché sa che sono un’arma di persuasione: «Malta è il sesto Paese più piccolo del mondo: 400mila abitanti distribuiti ad alta densità in appena 313 km quadrati. Dal 2002 al 2005 sono sbarcati quasi 5.500 clandestini. Vi sembrano pochi? Allora vi faccio notare che l’anno scorso abbiamo accolto 1822 persone, l’equivalente della metà delle nostre nascite annuali. Oppure, per farvi capire meglio, è come se in Italia sbarcassero quasi 300mila persone. Come potete vedere, le proporzioni sono terribili». Borg continua a spiegare che Malta non è in grado di gestirli, i migranti. «Non siamo un Paese ricco, eppure siamo costretti a destinarvi l’1% del nostro bilancio e il 10% delle forze armate e di polizia». Il corollario non fatica ad arrivare: «L’Unione Europea deve aiutarci, non possiamo fare tutto da soli». Viene da chiedersi se non abbiano fatto nulla per mascherare lo schifo con il proposito di scioccare la delegazione, e spingerla a fare pressione su Bruxelles perché inserisca l’immigrazione nella lista delle tematiche di competenza comunitaria. Oggi in fatto di migranti ogni Stato membro può infatti comportarsi come meglio crede. La legislazione maltese è durissima: a tutti i migranti illegali riserva il carcere per 18 mesi. Spesso la detenzione si estende fino ai 20 mesi, oppure oltre, senza alcuna giustificazione da parte delle autorità. Dal 2002 Malta ha messo in funzione quattro carceri: Safi Barracks e Lyster Barracks vengono gestite dall’esercito; Ta’ Kandja e Floriana dalla polizia. Nel giorno della visita i quattro centri albergano poco più di mille prigionieri, tra i quali 66 donne e 6 bambini. Un sudanese di Safi ci confida che nella notte precedente i militari hanno liberato sette suoi compagni. «Ci liberano sempre di notte», spiega. A Malta i migranti non hanno la possibilità, appena sbarcati, di chiedere un permesso di soggiorno per lavorare. Pare che il governo non contempli minimamente la possibilità, «perché la nostra economia non è in grado di assorbirli». A onor del vero, solo una piccola parte dei migranti sogna di rimanere a vivere nell’isola: spesso sono capitati qui per sbaglio, mentre facevano rotta verso l’Italia. E a giudicare dalle scritte ingiuriose sulle pareti (“Vafankolou Malta”), pochi se la sentono di intersecare la propria esistenza con questa terra che li tratta da schiavi. Così il destino comune è la richiesta di asilo politico. La commissione per i rifugiati maltese, nonostante tutto, è l’ufficio più sguarnito dell’amministrazione: solo 5 impiegati a sbrigare le pratiche di centinaia di richiedenti. Il lavoro procede così lentamente che i prigionieri attendono anche sei o sette mesi prima di sostenere il colloquio con un funzionario. I giorni passano nell’attesa spasmodica. Negli ultimi cinque anni solo 158 persone hanno ottenuto l’asilo politico, a fronte di 3.418 richiedenti. Meno del 5%. Ecco perché si avvicinano, tutti, con due lettere sgualcite in mano: vogliono farci vedere che la ragione del rifiuto molte volte non c’è, non l’hanno scritta. Non spiegano perché questi disperati del Sudan, dell’Eritrea e della Somalia (le tre nazionalità più numerose qui dentro), fuggiti dalla guerra, devono tornarsene a casa. «Sono scappato dalla prigione in Eritrea» racconta uno di loro, «se mi prendono mi decapitano». A un ragazzo del Darfur hanno scritto che ora la situazione in Sudan è tranquilla e che può andare a vivere in un’altra regione. Nessuno di loro sospetta che, una volta usciti da questa latrina, sono destinati ai cosiddetti centri aperti gestiti dalla Chiesa e dalle ong o da aziende private, perché chi ha ottenuto l’asilo deve trovarsi un lavoro ma a chi non può rimanere il governo non riesce nemmeno a comperare il biglietto di ritorno. E nella maggior parte dei casi - salvo l’Egitto, la Tunisia e la Libia con i quali La Valletta ha stretto accordi - risulta impossibile contattare le autorità e convincerle ad accettare i rimpatriati. I militari che ci accompagnano si affrettano a dare la loro versione: «Non li torturiamo, non li picchiamo, cerchiamo di trattarli bene». Un ragazzo della Sierra Leone estrae dalla tasca un filo di plastica comunemente usato per stringere i tubi dell’acqua. «Usano questo per ammanettarci, anche quando ci portano all’ospedale». Una ragazza conferma. E’ incinta di quattro mesi, lei e suo marito hanno concepito il bambino in una stanza dove dormono altre cinque persone. Secondo il regolamento dovrebbe uscire da Lyster Barracks, ma come altre donne gravide anche al quinto mese rimane qui. Il giorno dopo il “Malta Times” scriverà che i membri della delegazione (Stefano Zappalà e Patrick Gaubert dei Popolari Europei; Giusto Catania e Kryacos Triantaphyllides del Gue; Martine Roure dei Socialisti Europei e Romano La Russa di Uen) sono rimasti «scioccati e disgustati». Zappalà (Forza Italia) e Giusto Catania (Rifondazione) si trovano persino d’accordo: Bruxelles non può tollerare questi lager, occorre armonizzare le leggi sull’immigrazione dell’Unione Europea. Anche se l’europarlamentare del Prc rimane convinto che «tutti i cpt vanno chiusi». Marsali è il leader di Lyster Barracks. In Sierra Leone faceva l’attivista dei diritti umani. Come la maggior parte dei suoi compagni, ha indossato i vestiti migliori per accogliere gli europarlamentari. Parla in un inglese forbito, come un avvocato: «Vogliamo uscire, studiare, imparare un lavoro. Stare qui è psicologicamente difficile, d’estate è pieno di zanzare, l’acqua che beviamo è sporca e siamo esposti alle malattie». Il governo non vuole scarcerare i malati «perché non vogliamo che infettino i maltesi con l’Aids, la scabbia e la tubercolosi». Le ong, che non ci hanno accompagnato, scrivono nei loro dossier che alcuni migranti si sono tolti la vita. Il tasso dei suicidi è sconosciuto. Sconosciuto è anche il numero dei morti dietro quelle grate di ferro dove ora si arrampicano per salutarci, gioiosi, e battere le mani.

di Laura Eduati (lunedì 27 marzo)

Immigrants & Refugees (Utopia)

Imagine a day not very far from this one. Imagine that you have packed your suitcase with the absolutely necessary and that you are in line to get onto a plane out of the country. The country that is now called Ave Melita (yes they would probably name it something that stupid) is no longer your home. The government's latest policy is called "Min ma joghgbux jitlaq" and you have taken one of the last places available in this scheme and you are heading to a new life into another country that you will have to call home - away from the sun, sea and Xarabank that you loved so much.

You could not stay. Your conscience did not allow you to stay silent infront of measures like "Malta tal-Maltin (suwed barra)" and the latest one called "Dissoluzzjoni tal-Ordni tal-Gizwiti". You collected your papers from the Centru Nazzjonali tal-Purifikazzjoni, the former Jesuit College in Birkirkara, and sped with haste to the airport with tears in your eyes. Your stomach still has to be emptied on a regular basis as you adjust to the new reality and you see the same empty, desperate look in the fellow passengers of this forced abortion of nationals. You still cannot bring yourself to explain what has happened in your country and why you have to leave it so fast. But you have no time to do so. You have to begin to adjust to the new country.

The new country is not like those Mediterranean pits that were reserved for the boat people. Like them, it knew you were coming. Unlike them it did not reserve a hastily built slum for you to call as home. You live in a former army barrack but your tiny room has running water, electricity and there is even a communications and technology room for all immigrants to keep contact with the world. Morale is low - no one wanted to be here. The authorities try to be accomodating and to relieve the greatest troubles. They create a scheme for economic support. Different jobs in the local market are made available. Unlike the Mediterranean nightmares that you used to read about you are to be allowed to scrape away a little earning in order to be self-sufficient and be able to hope for brighter days.

When you venture out into the street , the locals are understanding. Although your complexion is very much like those of the terrorists who bombed and targeted their nation with violent attacks at train stations and on buses, very few make the quick and illlogical assumption that you could be of the same ilk. You are offered lifts to work. You join the local carpool and although you are not working as the University Professor that you were in Malta, your life as a shoe salesman in this little town allows you to live with dignity even though your career and dreams have been put on hold.

Then one day a local radical paper falls into your hands. Your eyes cannot believe what they see. They seem to have caught up with you. Those bungling buffoons who were in power in Malta seem to have found a foothold even in this welcoming state, here is what they say:

"Surely, there are ways of keeping them busy and alleviating their boredom. For example, they should help, in their own interest, to keep toilets clean. Also, could not some scheme of putting them to work on public cleaning projects, under strict supervision, and for a small allowance, improve things? There are many jobs they could be given - God knows the island needs a massive sprucing up! The scheme could start with a few small groups, and eventually expanded. Naturally it must be ensured that at the end of their day's work, they return to "base"." source

In this new country you had been allowed to find a job through an Immigrant Job Assistance scheme. In Malta they wanted to turn immigrants into Chain Gangs. Desperate beings who had reached the lowest of the turningpoints in their life, who had abandoned their family and the little social sustenance they had in the hope of a new life would be used to spruce up the island under strict supervision.

You discard the paper and turn on the TV in your room - the one you just bought with the money put aside from your first two months' salary.

They will be everywhere. The intolerant, the coocooned as well as the well-meaning bumblers. You remember that massacres in India and Africa under the colonial regime were prompted by well-meaning actions of the Evangelical communities who intended to civilise the misbelieving miscreants. And you begin to notice how some things never change. How difficult it is to achieve genuine tolerance based on brotherly love and not the tolerance that relies on looking down a snobbish nose into the eyes of the tolerated, and humiliated human being?

This just cannot be real.
****

Note: The extract in quotes is taken from the editorial of the Sunday Times of Malta - 26th March 2006. It refers to the illegal immigrants and refugees who were bundled into housing under atrocious conditions and is a partial reaction to the new uproar created by a visit of European Parliament inspectors who were among the first outsiders to be allowed by the democratic Republic of Malta to inspect the conditions. The visit had prompted escapes from detention by immigrants eager to show their plight to the visiting MEPS (and who cares how they got to know about the visit? Why should they not know about it?). Following the escapes, police in Floriana were seen stopping anyone who is black while passers by called for a all immigrants to be rounded up and burnt in a square.

It is possible that the above summary is as biased as it could get. But even the possibility that it is one tenth of the truth makes me feel ashamed that I am Maltese.

Manchurian Candidates

In today's Sunday Times Roamer picks up Fausto's preferred baton of pooh- poohing anything Green. Apart from the statistical questioning of the numerical gains of the AD we also get a direct challenge of Harry's assertion that the election results mus be read bearing in mind that Alternattiva was present only in 5 councils:

"As to that 1.7 per cent of the vote garnered by AD, few people apparently took the time to work out that this figure was diabolically arrived at by averaging the results across the 23 localities when AD had only contested five of those areas. This begs the inevitable question: Why were only five localities contested? The answer seems to be "simply a matter of material resources". And human ones, too, I imagine."

So the criticism aimed at AD is basically: Since unlike other parties you do not find it in yourself to present incompetent bumbling buffoons in your list simply for the sake of number you are wrong. Since you fail to put forward any Tom, Dick and Harry as a valid politician (even at Council level) you are to be criticised.

Meanwile MLPN are allowed to present candidates who have as much political positiveness, administrative acumen and social savoir-faire as a Chimpanzee Tea Party. In our society these Manchurian Candidates are acceptable. Because our vote is so blind that it simply votes by colour. We are content that il-partit has sufficient candidates to have a go at that 50% margin in each locality. All the rest ... is green politics.

Now Harry has no reason to be blowing trumpets of victory or circling Castille three times in the hope that the structure collapses. Definitely. However I do find the criticism based on number of candidates fielded as arrogant as any crowing that Harry might indulge in.

We live in a country were we are lucky if 5% can see through the MLPN screen. Out of that 5% finding sufficient candidates of calibre that would guarantee the promised change from the sorry state of politics we are mired in becomes a gargantuan task. This is not a dartboard selection. This is not a selection for the sake of number. This is a matter of quality that respects the electorate's need and hopes to convince its wants.

Unfortunately though, it can be very tiring and energy consuming ... preaching to the converted.

Theatre Break

I will be at attending a Theatre Stage all this weekend (but will still have time to watch Roma trounce Juve tonight). So while I struggle to memorise The Porter's speech about drunkenness in Macbeth in the language of Chirac (yes, you have a right to walk out) I will probably not have enough time to continue to overtly manifest my obsession with blogging and to fill this overrated page. :) (smiley dedicated to xifer and the overraters).

Consider this as a break.....

Yours.

The Gaul's Gall

From The Times:

"PRESIDENT CHIRAC stormed out of the first session of a European Union summit dominated by a row over French nationalism because a fellow Frenchman insisted on speaking English.
President Chirac and three of his ministers walked out of the room when Ernest-Antoine Seillière, the leader of the European business lobby UNICE, punctured Gallic pride by insisting on speaking the language of Shakespeare rather than that of Molière.

When M Seillière, who is an English-educated steel baron, started a presentation to all 25 EU leaders, President Chirac interrupted to ask why he was speaking in English. M Seillière explained: “I’m going to speak in English because that is the language of business.”
Without saying another word, President Chirac, who lived in the US as a student and speaks fluent English, walked out, followed by his Foreign, Finance and Europe ministers, leaving the 24 other European leaders stunned. They returned only after M Seilière had finished speaking.

The meeting was furnished with full interpretation services, and anyone in the room could speak or listen in any of the 20 official EU languages. Embarrassed French diplomats tried to explain away the walk-out, saying that their ministers all needed a toilet break at the same time."

Parlez vous franglais?

I know it's only the AD....

...but I like it.

His analysis was long in coming. I find it reassuring - I am still unable to read statistics objectively and I really do need an analysis from ALL sides to be able to draw some kind of conclusion. I will refuse to read numbers and believe that they signify anything without a bit of a push from numbercrunchers like Fausto who I must thank for the clarification regarding an assertion made by TGIL.

Anyways, Harry's reading is very very reassuring. In particular I like the idea that the official overall percentage vote associated with AD takes into consideration the overall number of voters and ignores the fact that only those voting in 5 councils had access to AD candidates. Which means that the 1.7% of voters linked to AD is false. I also like the idea that wherever AD contested both big parties ended up with less than 50% of the vote. A telling truth indeed. If anyone needs reminding, it is this matter - that of breaking the hegemony of the big two - that draws my sympathy to AD. And their overall seriousness of course (barring a few jarring moments when they lose it).

One last thing before I quote some significant bits of 'arry's article. I really had overlooked how close David Darmanin got to being elected in Birkirkara. The failure of so many people to add him to the end of their list should be an eye opener to many individuals. The Big Parties will never ever tell you this but putting a number 2, 3, 4 or even 5 next to an AD candidates name could also help the cause. Stick it in your Baaing heads before it is too late.

Word now goes to Harry of the Greens:

"The publication of the election results show a nationwide result for AD at 1.7 per cent. Few people take the time to make out that it is arrived at by averaging out results across all the 23 separate elections that took place regardless of the fact that we only had candidates in five of these elections. It suits both the other parties to create the impression that that the Greens are much smaller than they really are. The PN in particular feels the need to keep up its assault as a smokescreen covering its rout at the polls.

"The Greens did well in the local council elections. We could have done much better. The big difference between our analysis of the results and that of the other political parties is that we realise that these were local elections. We have never committed the folly of using them as a nationwide poll.

"In every locality where we contested we have brought the other two political parties below the 50 per cent mark. It is ominous for them and they know it. They also know far better than the casual readers of newspapers that we can do far better than that. Nowhere in the localities we contested, not in the ones where we elected our candidates nor in the ones where we did not, did we have a campaign presence to match theirs. They know that if we ever get close to that level in any election, the results will be earthshaking."

Altogether now... sing along.... "I know... it's only the AD... but I like it!"

You can read the rest here.

J'Ose : Symbols and Politics

Graphic guru David Hillmann was asked by il Corriere della Sera to analyse the symbols of some of the parties contesting the next election in Italy. His reply is quite amusing - and probably not qute what the parties were looking for:

Forza Italia - Washing Detergent
Lega Nord - Insurance Company
Alternativa Sociale - Commercial Association
Italia di Valori - Travel Agency
L'Unione - dye/ colouring agent
Socialisti Liberali Radicali - Tattoo Shop
Rifondazione - Russian Football Team
Margherita - Lite Margarine

And in Malta. Well J'accuse would suggest the folowing:

PN: Funeral Undertakers
MLP: Matchsticks and Firestarters
AD: Holiday Brochure

(Pr)etty (Pr)efiguration (TGIL)

You're great. Most of you. At least those who get to read Thank God It's Lorna's column once every two weeks. And do you know why you are great? Because "the final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure continuously without resentment". And endure we do. And resent we don't. Oh no we don't. We just want more, more and more.

Today the Adorer of He Who Must Only Be Alluded To has chosen to launch into the definite (and absolute) explanation of why PN are soooo a minority and MLP are soooo an absolute majority all over the place except in government. But they will be in two years time of course. In the meantime Lorna will continue to bore all and sundry with percentages recounting the greatest majorities since Mintoff and the greatest flops since Borg Olivier. Incidentally, the sad state of affairs in nationalistland is surely demonstrated when even a bungling columnist like the Dame of Literary Elocution manages to take the proverbial urinary sample.

But anyhoo... the first few pagraphs of today's contribution manage to convey a bit of Lornisms which merit the old red annotation treatment.

So for the fans of she who must be prrrrrrosaic here goes:

Only one primely author has the titles of his articles starting in "pr" in Malta. [This is apparently Alfred Sant's main achievement over the last twenty years - that nothwiststanding the fact that the novelty of the PR idea has run dry he still persists in polluting the pages with titles that seem to have been forced out of his pen with the aid of a mental suppository. Meanwhile Lorna introduces us to the word "primely" - of excellence - don't know why but its first three letters remind me of primitive and primate. Must be the obsession she has for Freddie - you can imagine her hunting him down in a primordial pre-coital prance across the templs of Mnajdra until having caught her prey she will proceed to preen his preputio with gusto.] Arbitrarily allowing myself [The woman is so full of herself as to give permission to herself - the schizophrenia abounds] to break such household spell [Lorna Potter. What exactly does she mean by household spell? Has Freddie been bewitched into writing articles that have to begin with PR - on pain of non-election?] , it is in this way that I introduce my article about such author's latest primely precedents... political precedents [such author's primely precedents - you will note that throughout the article she will talk about the prrrwriter's political victories which have no antecedent so technically they are not precedent since whatever they precede has not yet come].

The March 11 local elections have made him [he who writes in prrrrrs], whose political practice has been profusely underestimated [to profusely underestimate - to scatter underestimation all over the place with prurient enthusiasm], the party leader with a number of unprecedented electoral victories in Maltese politics [the fixation with precedent sticks.. once a word gets into that vacuum she calls a brain it has difficulty leaving without having to resonate once or twice around the medulla oblongata - please note that most of the unprecedented victories had not happened since for example 1955 which does not make them so unprecedented]. No matter how fervently political foes attempt to peter out such conquests [beautiful: to peter out such conquests, as in to drip them out slowly un surreptitiously -possibly the use of the word peter was prompted by the fact that it begins with a P and ends in an R, but then possibly not!], Alfred Sant has shown that "the final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure continuously without resentment".

In the wake [some are still mourning] of the last local council results, one can list some of the achievements secured. These were:

The fourth consecutive electoral victory for the MLP since 2004, the first one being the relative 48.42 per cent victory in EP elections.

Beyond the EP relative majority, thus, this is the third absolute majority victory on a local level since 2004. In the 2004 elections, the MLP obtained 50.2 per cent of the vote. In 2005, a 53.2 per cent absolute majority was won, followed, this year, with another absolute majority of 53.95 per cent.

This year's was also the first absolute majority obtained in 23 localities, most of which are (or were always considered to be) PN strongholds, not only since 1993 (when local councils were introduced) but also since the 1950 general election. [how does she calculate this? Can statisticians help on this one? Fausto?]

The extra relevance of the 2006 vote lies in the fact that it is also the highest non-PN percentage ever obtained in local council elections in at least 14 of the said 23 localities since 1993, namely: Birkirkara, Fgura, Lija, Marsascala, Mdina, Msida, Mtarfa, Naxxar, San Gwann, Sliema, Tarxien, Xghajra, Zabbar and Victoria. One has to bear in mind the fact that, between 1993 and 1998, the MLP didn't contest the local elections as a party and, therefore, the pro-MLP was not all too evident. [And here we find a reason for her idol Sant to slap her on the wrists.... dear dear this is not the normal Labour mantra. Did you not know that non-voters are always evidently Labour? Did you forget the precedents of the EP elections and the 1993 local councils themselves? When Sant says we don't play all non-voters automatically become Labourite... PRobably]

Ah Lorna. How prosopopaeic. Your articles are preternaturally prescient and so lacking in the pretentious presumption of nationalist proponents. I worry that your premonitory presages could precipitate a bout of ill luck on the side of the primely primate that you so profoundly adulate. Precaution and premption for some unpremeditated downfall would be precious advice unless you would want to present the picture of a perfect prick at the end of the day when it really counts!

Good day y'all.

***

PS All those who asked for legal clarification regarding the Philip Sciberras - Mintoff issue are kindly asked to email me at jacques dot zammit at gmail dot com and I will send the necessary clarifications.

Hogan Needs You!

Don't you just wish you were Saviour Balzan? I have just read on di-ve that Hogan was ordered by the Court of Appeals (sic) to pay Lm2,000 in damages to Dom Mintoff. The Maltatoday series of stories about Bical bank were considered to be defamatory and as a consequence Hogan will have to cough up 2000 little coins with a birdy on them.

"Presiding judge Philip Sciberras said that the reports aimed at damaging Mintoff's reputation, offending his name and fame, and ridicule his personality in public."

Saviour's Salvo in reply to the Appeal judgement is that Philip Sciberras acted as Mintoff's lawyer prior to being appointed judge. Once again Saviour demonstrates a limited knowledge in the complex workings of the Maltese legal and judicial system. (And once again I invite him to consult a lawyer should he have difficulty understanding the import of the last sentence).

The final cherry on the cake is that Hogan has decided to launch a libel fund "to safeguard the interests of readers, the right of the reader to know and most importantly the freedom of the press. " That's right guys. If you want to inject money into a slandering mean machine just go for it. Send your cheques to Hogan and His Heroes and they will continue in their headless campaign to slander for the sake of slander. They will shoot at the "include the anti-abortion clause in the constitution" gang with one hand and then fire at the "porn bankers in Catholic Malta" in another. One thing's for sure, they have as much of an agenda as the Iraq Invasion Force... with Hogan's band its all about attack, unveil and we'll come up with excuses later. Only they cannot tax the duh!merican public to finance their campaign... hence the libel fund!

Sooooooooo in the interests of democracy, liberty and fruit of the womb j'accuse will of this instant launch its Caveat Lector!* Fund. Readers and sympathisers are free to send monetary donations to j'accuse and in return we promise to continue reporting the reporters and uncovering the covered. It will also be useful just in case somebody decides to institute a net libel case against us.

*Reader Beware!